Last Thursday W says she is going with GF (that gf) to the gf's kids Christmas show at the local public school. The public school that our kids no longer attend due to the A, but that OM's kids attend. She said it was for jr high (OM;s kids are elementary) and was going because gf's H can't go due to restraining order, yada yada....

She tells me and I am like "whatever" it's my weeks with the kids, and I am not keeping tabs on her anymore cause it is not my business.

Show ends probably 830-9PM. She comes home at 1130 and wakes me up. I am half asleep cause I took a sleeping pill. She no longer sleeps in our bed since our "seperation" 8 weeks or so ago. She says I need to wake up. OK, I try. She says she has to tell me something. OK, looking at her through cobwebs.
She says OMW assaulted me. I say "what?" She said she arrived and found out it was jr high and elementary and she saw OM and OMW there. (at this point I wanted to ask why she didn't leave then and there, but not my business). And I admt, hearign that OM was there and she didn't leave did make me angry which colored my reaction to what followed.

said she went to the bathroom, and as she went to leave OMW blocked the doorway, grabbed her arm, pushed her against the wall and started yelling at her. telling her she had no business being there, etc... grabbed her hair but didn't pull it, did put a scratch on her arm. then W goes back to her seat I guess, watches rest of show, and goes home to GF's house until 1130hrs.

I say something along the lines of "that should not have happened, she should not have touched you"... then after a bit of back and forth i said something along the lines of "I bet a lot of people were wondering why you were there". this, of course, sets her off.
we both end up saying stuff to each other. about the only thing I can remember saying is that if I came face to face with OM I would probably want to beat him up too. she takes this as me telling her she deserved it.

it ended with her telling me that I still don't support her, she is done, there is now "zero chance" for the M to survive, etc... and I go back to sleep wondering what the hel1 just happened and wondering how in the hel1 my life has turned in to a jerry springer show episode....

the next morning before I go to work i again apologize for not giving her what she was looking for.
i told her i was in a dilema because normally i would talk to the H and tell him that if his W bothers my W again he and I will have problems. But I already have problems with him since he is OM, so there is no way in hel1 I am calling him.
she says don't worry about it and don't do anything about it.

mid-day I am thinking more about this and I get upset as I think what W probably felt like and still feels like from the incident. I call OMW, this time not to "check in" like in the past, but to tell her not to touch my W. I tell her I understand her feelings, but she cannot touch my W.

i let W know i called OMW, and whammo I have stepped in it for the second time on the same issue. i am a double-stepper!

so now I didn't give her the support she wanted Thursday night, and didn't respect her wishes Friday. She is probably right, but I can't seem to catch on until it is in hindsight.

I feel like I always zig when I should have zagged and zag when I should have zigged.

I cannot get out of this small redneck town quick enough. It has been nothing but trouble. Everyone knows everyones business, and from what I hear, evidently half the town, atleast, "knows" each other if you know what I mean....

If W wants to stay in it, that is her problem. I gotta go, gotta go!

Sorry I don't think you screwed up. I think your FWW got what she deserved and probably got off easy. It's one thing for this A crap to involve the parents but if I saw FOW at my child's school there would be h*ll to pay. I don't think I would stop at a scratch. Your W had no business being there. Don't listen to any of the crap excuses she is giving you. She intruded on a family moment between OM and his W and got off easy. Do not let her make you feel guilty for her mistake. You handled it quite well. There are consequences for her actions, let her suffer them. Do not come to her rescue.

All of this is on her shoulders tired dad..

there is NOTHING you did to cause it..
there is NOTHING YOU could have done to stop it...

she chose all of this...
including going to the school and then staying at the school...

no matter her spin
no matter her rantings

none of it is of your doing...
nor is there anything you can do to make it right..

it is what it is...

you were right to call the wife of the OM and request that she not get physical with your wife...

you were right to tell your wife that you understand the DESIRE to physically act out against the pain...

what do you think your wife really felt like...

really really felt like inside...

I think what she really feels is I did this
I caused this....
and while she doesn't deserve it...for it does not fix or solve anything...lets hope she can understand it...

seeing the OM wifes pain that raw might have an effect on your...watch for the delayed reaction...

ARK^^

being assaulted by OMW .... uh-huh..... I betcha there were words spoken first!!!!!!!!

I think there is more to the story..... and you're only hearing your WW's rendition of what happened.

BUT, physical violence is not acceptable.

I told W that if she stays in this town she should expect that sort of incident to occur for the foreseeable future.

I also hope that if W thinks no one else in town knew about A before, after the fight Thursday night, in front of several other women and little girls, a lot of people will know or atleast wonder "what" is going on now.

However, I do feel that if NC is indeed still in effect, if the A is indeed over, and we just have a broken marriage beyond repair, she is still my W and as long as she is I cannot accept others abusing her. I do care for her.
She made a horrible mistake by having the A, but she has always been a good person prior to that.

Albeit, going to the show, and staying there after seeing OM and OMW is either horrible judgement, or a sign that NC is no longer in effect.

But according to her, she is my STBXW, so I am not going to worry about whether it is poor judgement or a sign of something more evil......

that's why your calling the wife of the om and stating thus is and was the right thing to do..and you did it...

your wife not liking it... is her own issues and pride...

no one here thinks that om wife beating on anyone solves anything or is an OK thing to do...

ARK

Pepper, OMW confirmed pretty much all of it. She said she acted like a teenage girl and shouldn't have done it.

I told her that I completely understood her feelings, but she CANNOT touch my wife.

T_D,

Cut yourself some slack even if your W doesn't, just make sure that you keep working on your own issues.

TMCM

document this event ... write down everything that was said ...

being in an affair shows very poor judgement .... being involved in a physical altercation with another woman at a school function may be used if child custody becomes an issue

This so called "assault" couldn't have been too bad if she went back to her seat and watched the show. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I mean...puhleeeze.

BT is determined to make her presence known to this OM and his W. She has no intention of working toward recovery...she doesn't want to be married.

If you are going to claim it "none of your business"...ALL of it needs to be none of your business.

She doesn't get to play the injured party when it bites her in the [censored]...and to get upset because you didn't whistle to her tune by jumping to defend her honor....gimme a break. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> What she did and continues to do is without honor.

JMHO
committed

Your wife is a big girl. She made a mess all by herself. She is reaping consequences that she earned, every last one. She should learn from those consequences.

I think you have no business protecting her from them.

I still don't feel that I can stand by and let her be physicaly hurt.
And for Pepper, it was all one sided. OMW admits this. My W was trying to get away and avoid the confrontation. Again, very poor judgement or evil intentions by my W, but she did not reciprocate in any physical altercation.

I admit, I still look at her and think of her as my "little, petite, fragile, beautiful wife" and don't like the idea of someone treating her that way. If she persists in filing for D and we do D, then I will have to let those feelings go. But even with the A this past summer, I still think of her, for the most part, in the terms I always have. And I still want to protect her.

It is not a stretch to say that I am reaping the consequences of my past actions (not in any way meaning that I am in any way responsible for her A). And I know how painful it can be to have to sleep in the bed you made.

I am steadfast in not burning any bridges. Until the papers are signed, she is still my wife. I will do what is right and respectable in that regard until then.

I still don't feel that I can stand by and let her be physicaly hurt.

you didn't you called the perp and told her to knock it off...

you dun good....

and some tiny little part celebrates that you would stand up for her like that....

ARK