So after the big ordeal about him being here or not being here for my Aunts wedding -- SHE CHANGED THE DATE.

But we're going to have a chat tonight about a sort-of related issue. My best friend is planning an "event" for this weekend. She's being real mysterious about it. She wanted a big group of us to "save the date". I told BF about it a month ago.

Well then suddenly last week he talked to one of his hunting pals and they are planning a party to celebrate something the same night.

So all of a sudden, he tells me he might be taking a little trip up north. ??? Oh really? It was pretty clear he had forgotten about the event on the 16th.

So...he says something about keeping the hunting group happy. I say "oh...I thought that was what LAST WEEKEND was about..." So he backs down. Says he committed to me first, he'll make other arrangements to recognize the celebration.

I'm getting annoyed and here comes the martyr (me). Forget it, go with your friends...him: no, no, I want to keep you happy, we talked about this first.

So I think the situation is done. Nope.

We talk last nite, and I mention something about Friday. He says are you sure you want to talk about this? Well of course now I do cuz I sense something is up.

He's flip-flopped again, and uses the "well you said I could go" line on me. UGH. Whatever!

At this point I want him to just go for the whole weekend and revoke the invitation for Saturday too. (I invited him to Christmas with my mom's family...) He wants to please me by being there on Saturday, like that somehow makes up for letting me down on Friday. I'm so annoyed with the whole thing.

In the scheme of things this is all so stupid. What a communication break-down! I really hate having to deal with it. But I'm going to! And I have to accept responsibility for telling him to forget it when I really didn't mean it.

[color:"blue"] Yup - I do the same thing Lexxy, say "oh go ahead" then resent it when he does.

Good to see you own it as your own fault it came down to this. I'm working on saying more that I'll be disappointed if you can't be with me, rather than swallowing that and saying everything is OK.

V. [/color]

Dang men! When are they going to learn to read our minds! When we say, "No, no, not a big deal, go ahead and go!" they should know we mean, "I'd really like you to join me, but don't want to seem demanding or childish about it!"
We've gotta come up with some pill for them or something!

If you want to "uninvite" him-do it! He doesn't seem to have a problem with it! When I do something that I don't really want to do, I get a little crabby. I would have more fun if he weren't there and I just enjoy my friends. That's me, but I don't think you made a big deal out of it. Seems to me he conviently "forgets" your deals, but always knows when his is/are!

I wouldn't be so quick to take the blame for it all, either Lex, isn't this a pattern with him? Not everything is always your fault! Wasn't it my post that we were talking about letting everything else rule our lives-letting our life lead us, rather than US lead our lives? He has some responsibility too, and if he accepted a "date" with you, he should go!

Just my two cents worth!
Why don't you get him a calendar for Christmas? That way he has no excuses! (just kidding, cuz there will be more!)

Trying to undo a 12 year pattern of thinking its only him.
Quite the challenge...

I'm trying to make this easy on him, since he's so out of practice on this whole couples-communication thing.

But I guess I'm also at the point of wanting to know if he DOES think of us as a couple, or are we just two individuals hanging out a lot....ya know? It would change my perspective a lot.

I think one of the guys is right, when he said on my other post: the initial infatuation is over and its time to do more evaluating.

Can you just ask him?
I have that "same need to know", but it isn't just in realtionships with the opposite sex, it's with everything. Somehow, knowing where I stand on things is crucial to me. Once I know, I can deal. What do you stand to lose in asking? besides your confusion?!
I think you have to constantly re-evaluate. Everything in life. I'm reading this book and it just touched on this-it's a good book. It talks about your essential self being the main thing in life-living and striving to the best that you can be. If your R is not allowing that, then it's time to move on, it's inevitable anyway, if you aren't being true to yourself. Hope that makes sense!
So ask!

well gosh that would be easy wouldn't it!?! LOL
so simple.

Maybe I should re-title this "how to make something complicated out of something easy..."

There ya go! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
Do you feel comfortable asking him? I think it's completely appropriate!