My wife just told me that it is over, we have had problems for a while, and she never really wanted to try and make it work. She told me that she has cheated on me and that it is over. This is today. I would like some advice on what my next step to be, I don't want to be with someone I can't trust, and am reluctantly ready to call it quits. I live in California, I help put her through school, and she makes double what I do, we agreed that I would keep the kids, and the apartment, but am not sure that I can keep up the on the bills, does anyone know if there is a difference onthe money matters if I file first.

Makes no difference who files first. If you have the kids, she will pay child support. She will be responsible for half the bills.

But why don't you give Plan A a try, and not rush toward divorce.

I have tried, read the website, started reading a couple of books, went to a counciler only once, she decided it was over before we could go again. She just doesn't want to give us a chance. I just don't want to get burned, I was starting back college to become a therapist, but had to quit because my oldest son became ill and required surgery, so we both had to drop out until he recovers enoough to get in school.

I'm sorry for your grief <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

My advice - consult an attorney. If things can be worked out down the road, great, but if she's serious now, you need to protect your interests and your children's interests so talk to an attorney and find out what your rights are. Do it ASAP.

If you want to work it out - by all means try.. .just don't leave your vulnerability waving in the breeze <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Do you suppose that your child's illness may have anything to do with this? I know this type of thing, compounded with money issues, can really put a strain on the family and the marraige.

Did she give a reason why? Usually there's a good reason why a spouse just wants to up and quit.

Perhaps if you knew the root of the problem, there may be ways to work on it.

God bless,

H2U

Depending on your State, you might be able to get some alimony to help cover bills since you make so much less. Or because you put her through school. This isn't very typical now days, but it does happen.

I am in a no-fault state, but was able to neogiate two years of spousal support because of being ill at the time, and having worked only part-time due to our children. If your son is going to require any additional attention for health care needs, this could also have an impact.

Minimally, I think that it would be good to at least talk with an attorney. You don't have to act on it, but at least you're fully aware of your options.