I'm a little bit shakey.

WH's schedule didn't match up with what his co-workers said. Wh elaborated with me on his Sunday's schedule more with me last night and his tattle tellers elaborated. From their perspective WH was missing and lied about where he was from 12:30 - 5:30 on Sunday.

I have not had a chance to talk with him since I found out a more firm timeline so stories are out os sinch.

Sometimes people do not listen well, sometimes people do not elaborate enough. Waiting to filter out this information is yucky. I am trying to keep a level head but now feel consumed with this fear.

Last night WH said it is frusterating when we have well wishing friends who share their concern or doubts and it just throws us straight into our fears head first.

But, I also just paid $110 to have OW's cell records sent to me. I should recieve them within 1- 4 hours.

Oh, Loy, I hope it is nothing.

WH's story is sounding good. He appreciates his friends concerns but he wishes there was a better way for them to go about it.

I think he should eliminate all lying. He told Joe that he was busy doing xyz so Joe would have time to work on the set design. And he didn't want to watch the game with Joe. Wh said, how do you tell people that you don't want to spend time with them?

My gut tells me that he is being straight with me and I feel silly ordering OW's cell records.

On the other hand, this is my opportunity to evaluate my judgement.

I think you are very wise. Trust, but verify.

Wh left me a message:
"Hey it's me. So, I'm going to try and let go of being mad. I need to just suck it up and swallow my pride. It's really nothing I guess that I haven't heard. So I have no right to be annoyed so I'm going to get over it and I'll be fine. It's just feels humiliating. But I certainly deserve it so I'm just going to let it go."

And then he goes on to tell me where he'll be for the rest of the day and that he looks forward to dinner and putting the kids to bed early.

I am feeling a lot better.

Great - he has the right attitude.

Loy-
In the early days of our real recovery (early 2004), my FWH would also feel indignant, angry, maligned or harrassed when his whereabouts and dealings were questioned.

However, after a short time period he'd do exactly what your H just did- admit there is a reason he's in that position.

Its really a good sign.

Warning, however- in my false recovery, my FWH would also pull this to get me to NOT snoop. I caught on pretty fast. I then realized that if I didnt answer the nagging questions in my head, it would just get worse for the both of us. I told him that not only was he being accountable, I had to be accountable TO MYSELF and never put myself in a position where I could ignore something because I didnt want to have to deal with it. Does that make sense?

He also knew I was serious about this when I DID call his boss the night he came home with no ring on. He said he worked on his boss's battery and took it off just in case. I know more about cars then he does so I smelled a rat. I picked up the phone, called the boss right in front of my H. The look on his face was priceless. He was telling the truth about the boss's car- but the point I was really making was this:

Let your words be truthful, because I will not hesitate to follow up on them.

wonderful sense!

Or as my counselor told my wife, when you have a sense the your husband might be falling back into old habits, your senses were right in the past, so trust them. You need to follow through, be persistent and find the truth no matter what he says.

Loy,

>But, I also just paid $110 to have OW's cell records sent to me. I should recieve them within 1- 4 hours.

Care to elaborate how you got another persons cell phone records?

I'd be very interested in getting the OM's or even my WW's best friends cell phone records!

So, how did you do it?

Ohh, and when I got my WW's cell phone records (phone is in my name and I control it on a family plan), I was devestated at the number and length of the calls. So, one word of caution, think the worst! But it is better to know and at least you will have some proof is anything is going on.

p47d

Yeah, I'd like to know how to get the phone records too... or better yet, how to get the pw on someone's account to check their call records...

WH and I had a very nice and kinda flirty night. It was sweet.

Got the records this morning from: LocateCell.com

It's clear. No calls between them. WH called me and I told him that yesterday when friend JOE expressed more disbelief I got really scared at first and ordered the cell records. We both talked about how creapy it is that that information is accessible. I told him how good it feels to know that I can trust my judgement again.

I called our friend and told himn that I knew the affair wasn't going on. He asked how, and I told him I wasn't going to tell him. He them said, so why did your H lie to us. I indicated that he should just start talking to my husband.

Just got back to my desk and H had left a message for me.

"Hey it's me. I'm just calling to say that I've been extremely upset and stressed today. But I wanted to say that I'm very proud of you in terms of how you've stayed very honest and open and I feel like you are the only person who hasn't succombed to somthing worse amongst any of us, including our friends. And I just think that speaks a lot to your credit.

Anyway, I'm very upset and I'm having a hard time doing the show today. I hope I don't make any mistakes. Anyway, bye-bye."

And that is where we are today.

Well said, and definately something that I can be at risk to do. Sometimes I feel so tired that I don't want to deal with these fears, but that is lazyness not love. The only way to find peace and rest is to not hide from life.