I haven't seen you posting lately - hope all is well.

Hugs

Hello!

With my D SO close to being complete, I find that I spend less and less time here...plus with my getting out in the dating world, it tends to draw the "slings and arrows" of those who think I should wait some textbook time period before I start. It is a uniquely individual thing...I have had my bumps in the road, but being in an R is important to me and I am proceeding SLOWLY and CAUTIOUSLY with NO M plans for YEARS!!!!!

Things have recently been going VERY well in the dating world. I have met a VERY nice lady who lives a little ways from me, but we spend a LOT of time talking on the phone and enjoying each other company when we can meet. We have both been honest about our shortcomings...we have been quite frank about many things in our lives and the openness is very refreshing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

In short...she is a VERY lovely lady and we are both interested in seeing where "us" progresses...no hurry on either of our part.

The "schoolboy crush" chemical reaction is in full force! I have forgotten what a NICE feeling it is...she is meeting the EN's (conversation, affection, admiration, etc) one could expect at this stage of an R and I find myself thinking about her during my day! I feel quite lucky at this point.

BUT...I'm not going to let it rage out of control. I remember what those "impulses" did for me that LAST time I didn't think about what I was doing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

One thing that is a GOOD change in me (since my FWH days) is that there is a part of me now that REFUSES to be dishonest. She and I have talked about a LOT of things and I have been asked a few questions that were personally embarassing that I COULD have lied about, but it wasn't even an option. I don't even recall a mental "debate" about it...I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable about it, but the TRUTH came right out...as it should! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The truth set me free...I cannot live in a deceitful way ever again.

I think my she has appreciated my honesty...I hope! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

How are things going with you? Hope they are better! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WNB

Good for you, and congratulations on your imminent divorce and new relationship.

I think all of us, whether WS or BS have learned this lesson going through the pain of infidelity. As BS, I wasn't honest about my suspicions or my needs - hopefully I'll do better next time, if there is a next time.

Glad to hear you are doing well and are too busy to "talk" to us,LOL, That's a good thing...

It's amazing what so many of us have learnt here, just talking to each other and reading others problems and how they deal w/the situations. Yes, it's best to be cautious and remain true to your personal boundaries. After all the crap we BS have had dumped on us it's sooo easy to have someone come along and sweep us off our feet and let our guard down only to be a BS again..Because we didn't see the red flags AGAIN...

Keep being honest with her and youself and you will continue to feel free - it's when the deceipt and lies begin that the R falls apart, little by little. If she doesn't like you for who you were and the man you have become she just doesn't know the power of infidelity and what it can do to make a BS a better person to others and to themselves.

I'm fine, nothing has changed for the better. I am seeing a new therapist and after 2 visits I truly believe this man can help me leave my M. Let go of the "what if's" attitude, that I've carried around for too long. I need help letting go of this M and my WH, and I think he can help me.

I filled out a questionaire and it showed the therapist where some of "my issues" are. That's a good thing..for me to learn, scary but good. We discussed how to set a couple of boundaries in place - I tried it on WH and already it worked. Internally I felt powerful against him, that when he starts lashing out w/his verbal abuse - set the boundary right away, stick w/it... I do believe WH sees my boundaries as being a B**** becoz I never set them b-4 or I allowed him to disrespect them in the past. I can't allow that anymore. I must set the boundaries to protect myself from his wrath and to respect myself and the standards with which I want to live my life by...

Hugs and Happy Holidays - I'm glad your doing well..I'll get there too..