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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 28
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 28 |
Hi -
My husband and I have been to this site a handful of times in the few years we've been married. We've filled out the Emotional Needs questionnaire a couple of times (1 1/2 yrs apart), and the Love Busters questionnaire once. We see changes in our answers in the past year and a half, which was interesting itself, though it isn't because we've necessarily done a lot with the good information, and though some of our replies are "improved" objectively it isn't necesarily for good reason.
So, we'd like to buy a book. I think we like, or agree with, a good portion of the info here and it would be good to find a more productive or organized way for use to work with the it.
I see that "His Needs, Her Needs" is most popular, but "Fall in Love, Stay in Love" looks good as well. Can anyone recommend which to buy first?
Thank you.
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
If there is no infidelity issues in your marriage....Dr. Harley recommends "Love Busters" first. HNHN is a great follow up. Good Luck!!
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 28
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 28 |
Really? "Love Busters" seems so volatile or likely to cause arguments if discussed before learning positive skills. What's the reason for that one first?
No, there isn't infidelity, but we do have problems. If I had to quantify the largest, it would be intimacy and sex. We have a problem when disagreeing too - it can become a large argument.
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 59
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 59 |
We have all 3 books. I would recommend that you read Love Busters First, His Needs, Her Needs Second and finally Fall in Love, Stay in Love. Makes more sense in that order to me. The reason for LB first is so that you can elimate behavior that is destroying your love for each other. Then HNHN helps identify the areas that will deposit the most love units in each others love bank. Then Fall in Love is like icing on the cake after reading the first two books.
joie de vivre --- Love all, trust a few. Do harm to none. William Shakespear
Married 27 yrs.
3 Children, 23yoS, 20yoD, 18yoS
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 28
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 28 |
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412
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Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 16,412 |
Haven.....think about it like this: Your marriage is like a bucket. You can fill it and fill it and fill it....but if it has big holes in the bottom of it (love busters) it drains and fast as you fill it. That's why Harley advises plugging the holes first....so that the effort you use to meet needs is not wasted.
Good Luck!! Blessings!
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