Is anybody in this position? I have been going out with a very nice lady friend whose company I enjoy. She is definetly a girl friend, not a girlfriend, as in romance, at this point. Yet, we share so many common interests and enjoy each other's company that it is remarkable. We share more interests than I have with any female I have dated as a potential romance. In fact we share more than I do with most guys.

The problem is that last year we did date a few times and then she informed me she was not interested in me as a romantic relationship. She has not had a romance since then. Lately, she has commented on how much fun we have together and how nice it has been to do some holiday activities together such as shopping, church services and so on. She made a big point of how we get along so well and have so many mutual interests, and how we should see if there are other things we enjoy doing together.

So, I am wondering, could she be changing her mind? Of course, you folks don't know for sure, but I would apreciate your thoughts and comments. It might help me focus my own thoughts and feelings.

Oh, this is not a potential "Friends with Benefits" relationship. If that's what I wanted, there are plenty of gals in the neighborhood who could provide simple relief from the mundane, long cold nights.

I want something more.

I have always wondered if you introduced MB principles to someone, and they learned that if you meet someone's EN's attraction grows, would it help or in your case, start a relationship.
Perhaps you could test this theory. What were her reasons for not pursuing a romantic relationship in the past? Do they still exist.

JE~~

I read her they way I have felt.
It appears to me that at the time you previously had dated, that she had a wall up, and she coudln't allow you to get through. She couldn't see a possibilty for whatever her reason may have been.

She has grown in a year, and she remembers qualities in you that she liked, and I feel she is ready to explore them now, BUT with caution.

If she is at all they way I have felt, you will need to move cautiously. I think she may be able to allow herself this time to "feel" more. However, it may need to be on her timeline.

I don't view this as a "FWB" situation. I think she is at a point where she wants to see what you're about.

Exciting!
Karona

My friend at work has always said he wasn't "looking". He wasn't interested in dating anyone. He has never said anything about why he won't date me specifically, but I've never asked, and never pushed for anything more. But we get along very well, care about each other, we have a lot of common values and interests, and we flirt quite a bit.

And just to clarify, we dont' work in the same department, and several days can go by without seeing each other. So, I know the warnings about dating a co-worker, and I don't think that's an issue.

Did you ask her why she wasn't interested in you romantically? Do you think it has something to do with you? Or was she just not looking for romance at all? Maybe you're right, and you've built enough trust and companionship with her that she might be considering more. OTOH, she might just want more companionship.

Justin:

I've recently had this very conversation with a good friend and feel that a "friend-first" relationship that develops into a romantic-relationship ultimately makes for the best long-term relationships. The obvious main reason is because we've learned so much about the other person [and vice-versa] that there will likely be no negative surprises down the road.

To answer your question; "...could she be changing her mind?" Of course she could be! It would not be that big a surprise to learn of this, particularly if she has also been married/divorced and enjoys doing so much with you.

If both of you are good communicators and feel that your friendship could survive a possible rejection - I would talk to her about it! [I tend to be an "up-front" type, so please take that into consideration when thinking about this!] Reiterate her earlier statements of no-LTR, tell her that you're enjoying her company as well and ask if she's re-thought the no-LTR policy. If she is still no-LTR; you know the score and still have the friendship. If there is possibility of LTR - then who knows...

Good Luck!

FR

Obviously, you did quite some stuff together and she enjoyed it. And she expresses the wish to see you more often.
So, she´s interested. In what exactly, she might not even know herself. But she does like your company a lot, otherwise she wouldn´t want to see you more often AND say it. At least for me, that would take quite a big deal of attraction to say that to a man.

Did your behavior change towards her while you were out with her on "friendly occasions"? As in, did you do something that could´ve sparked that interest? Would be interesting to know.

I think you safely can express that you´d enjoy doing more things together, too - if you haven´t already - and then follow through, of course. See how it goes. I agree with the "on her timeline" advise.

Nora

I hope this is true. Hubby and I were friends for a year before becoming romantic. I agree that you need to talk about it. Hubby and I were open right up front that we
could never date. When that changed, we talked about it again.


Research shows that -- in addition to meeting ENs -- you can spark romantic interest in someone by sharing exciting experiences. When the adrenaline gets going -- at a rock concert, in a car accident, or on a roller coaster -- so do feelings of intimacy.

Proximity builds intimacy, too, so do spend more time with her if a romantic relationship is what you seek.


Mrs. W8ing

OK, I will clarify a few things.

When we do things together, I do treat her like a lady; open doors, help her on with her coat, etc. The same stuff I would do with a date, but no kissing or hand holding. We usually give each other a hug at the end of whatevert we are doing.

I see the point in meeting her EN's and letting things go from there. Currently, even though it is not a romance, it is the most fulfiling relationship I have with a woman.

So, I think I will make her my primary source of female companionship, but also be on the lookout for potential datable women.

Good plan, JE!!!

Sometimes I know I over think situations. I would just give it time and if the opportunity comes up and she mentions something again about how much fun it is, etc, ask her if she would like to go on a date!

In the meantime, other doors may open! This is a new approach for me, and I THINK it's working out so far! I don't know... I'm giving it time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I am keeping my mind open to other possiblities. As much as I like her, I don't want to keep my life hanging on to every decision. For all I know, she could meet some rich guy with a villa in France and a 200 foot yacht, and be off with him tomorrow. OK, she isn't that flighty, but you get the idea.

I will give her time to adjust to a potential new relationship.

One thing I have learned is to NEVER GET IN FRONT OF A WOMAN in a relationship. That is fatal.

What do you mean by this? I'm newbie...

I think your doing the right thing. Even though this is bad advice, maybe you should mention that you have a date with someone. It's usually a gauge on how well that person likes you. Of course, this is a tact that would probably be good if you were in 10th grade or so..

NEVER GET IN FRONT OF THE WOMAN.

By that I mean, if a man pushes a relationship to fast the women gets frightened and goes away. I have noticed this many times. Boy meets girl. Boy likes girl. Girl shows interest. Instead of arranging to meet for dinner or lunch or a walk in the park, boy pushes for her to come to his place that very evening. Girl panics and bolts (as well she should).

Thanks for the explanation! Guys seem to want a relationship faster then the girls do. I will admit to that in my past experiences.