long time reader, first time poster....

I've got an "on the rocks" marriage that I've been doing everything imaginable to get back on track, to no avail.

I have intercepted quite a number of emails between her and another man....these include emails planning evening meetings, personal e-cards, and other things...

I also know for a fact that she clears her cell phone history to remove his number from the listing...


My question is, do I "use" these items now to confront her with with I know, or do I "save my hand" for a future time?
(ie, for the lawyers, should it ever get to that point...)

My other concern is, once I let her see the information I have gathered, that my means of getting it will vanish...and limit my collection abilities down the road...

Thanks for any advice...

I think you should ask yourself whether or not you want to stay in your marriage or leave it.

If you want to stay, you better confront her now before it's too late.

If you want to leave, you might as well confront her now. You'll have to do it sooner or later.

I think you should try to decide first, though, what YOU would like the outcome to be.

I hope that helps.

Wiscman,

Welcome! Post over in the General Questions II for a lot of very good advice but ONLY if you truly want to save your marriage.

Good luck

Wisc man. What part of Wisc are you from? I live here also.

Fox Valley area....

I'll hit the GQ-II area....thanks

If your purpose is to use this info against your spouse, whether now or in the future, you are unlikely to be helpful in restoring love to your marriage.

She is having this contact for a reason, because he is meeting actual NEEDS of hers that you are not willing to. Why don't you focus on how to save your marriage and restore the love? All you need to do is find out what needs you are failing to meet for her, then find a way to meet them that is enjoyable for you both.

It is counter-productive to be seeking evidence to use as ammunition against the one you promised to love and care for. Your concern should not be how to get back at her, but how to get her back.

You say you are a long-time reader of this site, but I wonder whether you have read the part of the site where Dr. Harley describes his Marriage Builders program. That is where you'll find what you need to regain self-respect and dignity for BOTH yourself and your wife.

Remember that you have loved her, and promised to love her and meet her needs forever. She definitely has needs that she has found she must go elsewhere to have met - if you meet them, she will turn to you, because you are her husband.