This coming weekend my daughter have her first competition, she asked my BF to come and watch her compete. My EX have the kids this weekend, so he will also be at the competition also. EX and BF have never met, it will be an awkward situation. Anyone have any suggestion to make this situation less awkward? Thanks.

First, make sure it is just an awkward situation and not a volatile one! If your EX and BF can be civil then the awkwardness will pass. Your EX may feel threatened since your daughter asked your BF to attend. Sooner or later you are bound to run into your EX with your BF....are you, your EX, and BF all ready for this. Most important since this is your daughter's event, is it really necessary to risk a calamity. May be time for a discussion between yourself, your daughter and your BF.

How long have you been divorced? How long have you been with your BF? Does your EX know you have a BF? The answers to these questions may tell a lot.

If the answer to any of these questions is a short period of time, then it might be a little too early for BF to be attending "family-related" events. There's no reason he couldn't attend in the future, as your relationship goes on.

If the answer to these questions is a long time, and both BF and EX know that the other will be there, it might be OK. I definitely think advance notice of the other's presence would help. Nobody likes surprises like that, and getting caught off guard could cause trouble for everyone.

EX and I have been divorced since August 04. BF and I have been together since October 04. I did not introduce kids to BF until Sept 05. EX knows of BF. BF will behave for the sake of the children.

My concern is my EX, he is very jealous. He still asks to sleep with me even though he knows I am with BF. EX have a tendency to be very competitive and will make people look bad to boost his self esteem. I just know it will be ugly to watch him make a scene.

how big is the area in which you will be....if it's the size of a gym, it may not be necessary for them to even be close to each other

[color:"blue"]If you think ex is jerk enough to make a scene then I would personally leave BF at home to avoid it. Ex will eventually find some new woman to torment and some of that will go away for you...

V. [/color]

I tend to agree with Sunny. But if you and BF really think he should go, make sure you surround yourself with other parents who know your situation. I still think you should let EX know that BF will be there. Also, it will give EX time to bring someone too. If he has a date, she can keep him occupied and he won't be harassing you.

EX have OW, who was a good friend of mine. He will not bring her around because I will be there, she is not comfortable around me. She tends to hide or leave if she knows I will be in the area. EX on the other hand have no shame or guilt and will just walk up to my family pretending nothing ever happened, as if we are still married.

BF did promise my daughter that he will be there, so we can't break any promises to her. I will have friends and family sit around us, that is a good suggestion.

Oldest son is not happy that EX will be there. Son does not accept OW, and have no relationship with EX. He has already stated that he will sit next to BF just in case EX does something. I just hate having son involved, but it was EX who use to take son along with OW. At first son didn't notice but eventually he caught on, and EX lied and denied about A. Son actually sat me down one day and told me it was time to give up the marriage and move on.

Know how you feel. I had this very issue at soccer games. This was at its height this spring...when at games, my xh and I would talk. And his ow/w would usually not come...but when her antennae (affair antennae) felt something was NOT right...she probably at once turned to me..the former BS as an OW...wierd I know.

So she started going 2 ds's games with my xh. It was fine. I do NOT engage her on any level. And only engage xh after he would come and talk to me decently about ds...ds is a great soccer player btw! Season progressed (first competetive team ds ever played for) and during a game, the coach while running, slipped on wet grass, caught some major air (about four to three feet in air) and fell on his back. I being a med pro, got the paramedics, (coach was passed out) checked his vitals, and helped the parameds put him on stretcher and had them take him to local hospital. He he he he...and the ow was watching. Another mom who was a physical therapist helped me w/transfer part. My xh said "wow peach. It's been so long since Iv'e seen you in action"...my ds saw it and was actually proud.

Since the coach was hurt and would need bedrest for some time, he needed folks to take his place. I was kinda shocked when I suddenly heard the next day that xh was going to serve as 1 of the 2 new asst. coaches of the team. My xh has NEVER played soccer ever. But he can blow a whistle, knows what it means to score, where ball needs to go, and can certainly yell good!

After about 3 games of this, his serving as coach at practices, games, etc. OW/W (funny how her initials are owww...)She got angry. Why? Suddenly me, the socer mom who worked with ds for last few years and learned game right along wtih ds was having to talk to THE TEAM COACH several times a week. the TEAM COACH would even call the house to ask me questions..all about ds mind you..but our contact went waaaaaay up. And I noticed xh was becoming a bit happier at the games too. He seemed really happy. I on the other hand, never thought I was being looked at as the OW by his OW/W. Next game day, xh is sitting on sidelines immediately beside OW/W. Not talking. Looking sour. Just standing there silent. The other ast. coach was out there, running around, whistling, pulling players off field, etc. I walked over to xh right in front of ow. I said "where are you supposed to be? I thought you were going to coach your son's team now?" He said he HAD RESIGNED. I asked why? ...Then I LOOKED AT OW/W...SHE HAD ANGRY LOOK ON HER FACE. I said that his ds was glad he was taking interest in him. And that if ANYBODY had a problem with him being a coach it is most likely due to insecurities. I turned, walked off and never spoke to them for rest of game. Ds managed to score twice mind you.

If your xh feels wierd at game, let him. But gauge the sitch like a barometer. If you notice wierdness from xh, then get up, go to concession stand and when you return sit elsewhere. Do it casually. Even when above when the OW/W wanted a public thing...I did NOT give it to her. said one sentence and turned and walked away calmly.

If xh has the problem, which we ALREADY KNOW HE HAS, then it is HIS to deal with. He dealt the cards. Now he must work from the deck he's got.

Imho...all goes back to their most sincere desire to eat lots of cake. And you said "NO MORE CAKE"...and you moved on....and found a cupcake of your own. I have also learned that many x's...feel they still have a one percent "ownership" thing about their xwives. and your bringing bf will make that one percent shudder with fear. Oh my gosh! She's NOT supposed to be doing this. She's supposed to be still mourning ME? Right? Why is this guy here? Why is he sitting by my kids?

It is as though a cold basin full of water is tossed on their head.

My xh only saw my xbf one time. And he was angrier than heck. He waited until game was over...walked directly across the field (we were not standing near each other...was when ow was pregnant and they were barely married) with angry look on his face...The meanest angry look in his eyes and on face but with outstretched hand. He introduced himself and FORCEFULLY shook hand of my bf. My bf looked right at him, smiled and equally gripped his hand. OW went trailing over about thirty feet behind xh...following him and playing catch up. She walked over to me...but ds had left field. Ds was with me. And she suddenly stopped about 10 feet from me. She saw ds with me, his arm around my waist (ds that is), and me, my xbf, and myself walked off. Xh was standing there. Just standing there...and his ow was also speechless and standing there.

Was first "ah ha" moment my xh ever had. First time he had officially figured out he once had a family. And a great w. But he blew it.

Oh well. He had the ow to go home with in that big car of his. Bet it was a cold ride home.

Just Remain pleasant.

Remember the game is about the child. I personally did NOT notice my xh at games b/c I get so into my ds's games. You're there to support your child. The xh can take care of himself.

Just be at peace. Let the x's do what they may, but yOU control YOU and the children. IF the x acts bad, remove yourself and the kids from being around their behavior. If the x acts decently, then interact with him as you feel ok with.

The only thing to remember is this...remember, if they are wtih their affair partner still...there is still high drama in their lives as they are still after all this time in the fog.

[color:"blue"] immovingon [/color] - How did it go? Hopefully this didn't keep your daughter from enjoying the event. Let us know!

[color:"blue"] peachy [/color] - great to see you :-)

Peachy, Insteresting story. People tend to assume that others think and act the same way they go. So, of course, the OW thinks you are a floozy who will fool around with a married man including your ex. And, of course, she knows that her man, your ex, has no problems with cheating.

Seems like they have served themselves a nice big bowl of blood worm pudding. May they eat large portions every day!

Thank you everyone for your post.

A quick update about the competition:

Daughter did very well, I was so proud of her! OS is one of the coach at the gym so he was able to be right there in the midst of all the events taking pictures for me.

BF, and I watched the competition from up stairs, while EX watched from down stairs. So there were no conflicts, but there was a reason why he stayed away from me.

I will post it under a new topic call "New Battle".