I am a former lurker and avid reader at MB. I was not successful in recovering my M (it's been year+ since D final), although I really did try (perhaps for too long, but that's another story).

For the wise MBers, it seems most of you recovered your M, but if you hadn't, what would you have done to help "get over" the whole mess? (I try to just focus on being a good person, having a good life, etc, but that hasn't really cleared it all away and it's been 3 yrs since DDay, 2 since Plan B, etc). Would you talk to you ex or stay dark forever?

Neverthesame: tell us the the sitch, maybe we can help you. Not knowing what's going on with you makes it hard to advise you.

MOB,

The situation is somewhat basic. The M is long over. The D was about 1 year ago. I don't have the same feelings I used to have for my H anymore, but I also can't quite get rid of all the feelings.

It's like a stain or a scar that will never go away. I can't just erase my feelings for him. Also, part of the stain/scar is the extreme hurt he caused me w/o any real apology or effort to repair (we had false R's). (He will never "get it" so asking for this is fruitless.)

I also feel like I will never be the same again; this stain/scar has taken a bite out of my general happiness and I really don't want that. (Yes, I'm going to a psychiatrist to help me, taking ADs, working out, enjoying hobbies, playing with my dog, just starting to date, etc.)

So, that's about it. I feel like I was emotionally assaulted & pummeled into the ground and that I will never feel quite the same. Perhaps that is to be expected. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> Normally, I consider myself a very strong & resilient person, but I can't get this stain out.

Hope that helps explain a little.

It's been 3 years for me too. When I went into Plan B, I decided to go on with my life as if my husband was not coming back. My life is completely different than I planned, but I'm very happy.

I don't talk to my husband very much. We are still not divorced so he calls every once in awhile. I think I spoke to him a couple of months ago. He is not like a friend, but kind of like the guy at the gas station.

NEV-- sorry you're still hurting so much. You must have really loved the guy, or you wouldn't be hurting still. Can't give you any advise about "getting over" any of this, but know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. This time of year is tough on everybody, especially those of us who are going through tough times with relationships.