I'm ready to knock my H out!
I posted the other day that after all of his silence he told me on Monday night that he wants to sell the house & he doesn't want to be married anymore, etc.
Well, that was very hard but I had the feeling it was coming. It was hard & we didn't really discuss very much.
Last night he said "I called -(our realtor)- and he's coming over tomorrow night."
I said "Why?" He got very pissy.
I told him that he had obviously had months to think about all of this & I've only had 2 days.
I asked if he had some kind of plans that the house had to be sold tomorrow & if he knew where he was going.
He of course, said NO. I don't believe one thing that's coming out of his mouth. I know he's lying.
He has a another job (starts today!) and I had already said that I wanted to wait a little while to sell because I don't know what I'm going to do.
Why would he be pushing this hard if he doesn't have an agenda?!!!!!! It's as if he thinks after the sale he'll never have to speak to or see me again.
He does not care! He has never asked if I need help or mentioned what we will do with all of our things.
I don't want to do this during christmas. It's stressful enough to know that my marriage is over and christmas eve is the 1st anniversary of our second baby's death.
How much more do I have to take right now.
I can not believe this is the man I've been loving for 15 yrs and friends with my whole life!
I don't know how anyone can be so cruel.
It's a very sad time for me. For all of those that believe please say a prayer for me.
Also, does anyone agree that there's something more amiss with his urgency to sell? I feel like he is trying to do it before I figure out what MORE is going on.

Thanks gang,

Why can't you just tell him no? You shouldn't help him dismantle your marriage. If he sells house, it should only be done via a court order. Make him work for it! Is there some reason you wouldn't just tell him no?

He is just being the typical WS. My husband wanted me to move in with my grown children. I almost agreed, and then figured it out. He was planning to move the OW into OUR home!

I hope you will start standing up for yourself. Tell him you have no plans to sell the home.

That would be great if I could afford to
make payments on my own. I'd throw all of
his stuff in the yard!
We could barely make it with
both incomes. Even if he moves out
I can't afford all of it on my own.

I'm just not going to be rushed into
the sale like this. I feel he has
more of a reason behind it other than money.
I also don't know what I can require him to do.
I'd love some advice on that.
What rights do I have to stop this if
I can't afford to payments & utilities on my own?
I really feel he would let it be foreclosed on
to get his way. That follows you the rest of
your life!

Tia, he can't just stop making payments. If he tries, you go file for seperation and he will be court ordered to pay his bills. He is morally and legally obligated to pay his bills. Tell him you are not interested in selling the house, that you are only interested in working on your marriage. Don't sign anything and be sure and tell the realtor you aren't selling the house.

Thanks, and I'd appreciate any input from experience with
laws in VA. I can't afford lawyers & things like that.
I barrowed money to make 3 house payments to be paid up until Jan 1. He didn't like that either but said in retro spect it was the right thing to do.
I feel trapped & now pushed.
I just want to scream as loud as humanly possible right in his face the slap the crap out of him!!!

Tia, instead of borrowing money to pay the house payments, hire a lawyer to garnish his wages. Is he refusing to make the house payments? Why wouldn't he make the house payments?

I think you need to see an attorney. My WH stopped giving me any money for anything on D-day. He also went on a spending spree and went through his retirement bonus, savings, and all the money he could get his hands on to the tune of over $200,000.

I had to file bankruptcy. But I got roommates to help with the house. Someone here got foreign exchange students to help get through.

I wish I'd gone straight to an attorney. My WH lied about getting back together so that he could squeeze the last dime out of me. Now he is trying to get the home that I have paid for the last 3 years.

Tialynn,
Are you in Northern VA?

A bat is more effective and you won't risk breaking a fingernail. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for all of the advice.
There's a lot of things as with everyone.
Work is commission & fell way off in
mid sept. So I had to borrow to make
Oct-Dec payments. They are much too high
to simply make up.
I know there is more going on than money.
He has been hiding it for a long time and
very well.
We bought a house that's as close to what
we ever wanted as we could find
and were still hoping for a baby.
All of this came crashing down with the money
problems but he seems to have turned completely
away from everything to do with this life.
I've never seen him this determined or cold
about anything in his whole life!
Even if he changed his mind now I don't know
how I'd ever trust him again. I feel totally
betrayed and lied to. He can't even give me
a reason. Nothing but a surprise when he tells
the step he wants to take the next day.
UGH!!!
I just don't have the means to hire a lawyer
and I don't want a storm that will leave me
not just finacailly but emotionally raped.
I've been through so much in the last 4 yrs.
It may sound weak but it's the truth.
I'm trying to salvage as much self respect
as I can without getting stripped.
I just want to feel like I have some control
and not get blindsided. He seems to be doing
his best to get away with something.

I hope that you will protect yourself. I do think your husband is having an affair. That explains his total coldness. Don't trust him to have the slightest feelings for you, or to do the right thing.

My WH was a good man before the affair. He turned into the coldest more heartless liar that I've ever seen.

You need to take care of YOU, because I can promise you that he won't.

Hi Tialyn,

I'm sorry to hear your H seems to have had a turn for the worst.

I don't know if your H is having an affair.

Does he come home every night? Does he sleep in your bed every night?

I mean there are signs. I would be suspicious if he was out all night, and your not knowing where he is. His behavior is odd, but I'm not so sure he is having an affair. I think a person can just grow cold without an affair too (The love of many will grow cold...we see that happening much in the world today). But you keep your eyes and ears open for anything that looks suspicious.

I also agree with believer, get a lawyer. I think you can request the court that your H pay your legal fees too. Your H is trying to make all the decisions without you, that cannot happen. If you get a legal seperation now, he cannot touch the house. He will have to pay payments on it, even if he leaves. And alimony. He has a job right?

The only thing is is that I don't know what you would put as a "reason" for the legal separation. You don't know if he is having an affair, so what would be the reason to file?

Tell him you would like to talk and understand what is going on in that heart of his...you want some answers.... and that you want your marriage.

Do not kick him out!!!! That would only go against you. If he leaves let him leave on his own.

Make sure you tell the realator you are his wife, and you will not sign any papers...you are not selling the house.

Lady

H knows that D is not what I want. I offered every kind of support & it didn't matter. I also asked him about his lack of even wanting to try to repair our marriage.
NO RESPONSE AGAIN!!! Is only reason for anything is "I'm not happy."

When he told me he called the realtor I told him I need time to deal with all of this & make arragements.
I got no response. We just sold our t-house & bought this home in April. Our agent knows us well. I am calling him myself to give him the heads up.

I don't understand what the hurry is since he's found anohter job. Yes, we will still be behind but it can wait until I figure out where I'm going to live for goodness sake and what we will do with our things
.
All of this sudden rush & lack of ANY care about me is why I'm so suspicious.
I will do whatever I can to to slow things down.

He has started to do things to insite a fight but
I'm not taking the bait. I see him looking at me
like "What's she thinking? Why is she so calm?"
Normally my emotions are on my sleeve. Thank God
for the meds to help keep my head clear.

He is being a complete jerk & very secrectitive.
He has moved his cell phone charger to the xbedroom
where is residing (did that on his own too).

I'm sure I'm going to have to threaten some action to
get him to believe that I'm serious.
Say a prayer for me. I'm going to try to have a talk tonight if possible.

Tia,

""All of this sudden rush & lack of ANY care about me is why I'm so suspicious.
I will do whatever I can to to slow things down.""

YOU CALL YOUR REALTOR AND CANCEL THE APPOINTMENT!! You tell your realtor your H is temp (or permantly) INSANE!

YOU quit whining and crying in your beer and GET PISSED!! Stand up for yourself and DO NOT TAKE HIS CRAP ANYMORE!

You say HE!! NO we are not selling the house. You can get room mates to help you with the payments.

People here HAVE TOLD YOU to get a legal sep and then the ALIEN BEING who used to be your loving H will have to pay the payments. They are giving you wise and helpful counsel. JUST DO IT!!

As far as your H's actions, what do his friends and family say about his behavior? Have you done any snooping to discover if there is an A going on? I do not know your whole sitch, but it sounds like he woke up one morning a changed person!

I think you must get out of the shocked grief stricken mode and start fighting for yourself and stand up to the ahole.

Stay strong,

k