Okay, I am formulating a list and I am phoning. What do I do if he comes to the house to confront me? I am a little frightened. Should I let him in? Should I just judge that based on initially talking to him through the door? Or should I tell him to cool off and talk later, but then I would miss an opportunity to explain.

Sorry I am so clueless and needy. Thank you for all of your help.

He is basically lying to our friends that they only have a friendship. Not addressing the physical at all, but even minus that he is having a powerful EA. Says they have a spiritual connection. He says it is not her it is everything else in our relationship that is wrong. And my friend says he is pretty resigned that he does not want to work things out because I will never change. I absolutely know many of the reasons not all of why this happened and I recognize her as a symptom of a disease.

I just want to save our marriage.

LC..if you read the stories on this site you will see what to expect. You need to be prepared for some vicous words to be thrown your way that are going to be bone chilling cold, words you'll never forget. He is also saying that stuff to others.

I for one have read your story and believe it is a full fledged PA. You're doing the right thing, interfering with this A by exposing.

My advice is that you not allow yourself to get swept up in his anger. Let him cool off and let him decide if an dwhen you want to talk. You know, you're just a paranoid nut job who is over concerned with his friendship, you're too controlling and that is why he needs this new friend......we've heard them all....

But...if you are for one second afraid for your safety, call the police immediately....

How about having a GF over for the next couple of evenings? Someone to offer support AND to be there in case of any potential problems.

Just thinking aloud...

I wish I had someone to stay with me.

I had the same concerns as you did with exposure. My h gets so angry I have been waiting for the day he might get physical. I had read some on this site before I started exposing in full force but nothing prepared me (I guess I didn't read enuff here) for what was to come. My biggest fear was telling the military on him ( he is part time ) I thought for sure he would get physical with me then. Lucky I guess for me that the ow's husband (stbxh) is a cop! And we are friends. So whenever I was concerned I called him. Let's just say the police dept in this small town would like nothing more then to arrest my h for something. They all have no respect for him.

He never did get physical but threatened to. He reduced me to tears on a few occassions with his words after exposure. I hung up on him at least twice. Oh yes, he was MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD at me. I was called every name in the book, the whole history of our marriage was rewritten by him. According to him he never even wanted to marry me! Now that's rewriting history. This all happened back in the beginning to middle of August. We had another blowout about exposure in October. He got over it eventually. I never let him see he reduced me to tears. He was just lunatic nuts angry. Said I was ruining his life, stressing him out,etc. Be prepared for him to make it all about him and how you caused all of this. Mine even went so far as to say that if I had let him stay living here he never would have gotten back involved with ow like it was MY FAULT he did! yup, I drove him there, opened her door and said here ya go you can have him! PULEASE.

Exposure has to be done and we will be here for ya. We have all been through it and all the ww spouses are the same. They go nuts but they get over it. have a plan and then do it. mlhb

Well, I did it and he is outraged. Some of the details are under the help post. I just didn't know how to deal with him screaming at me at the top of his lungs. I didn't know what I was supposed to do and then he came over and we talked a lot, but he is truly seething. I feel bad. I cannot help but wonder if it is a mistake, but he can't let her go. He thinks I am just mean.

Well, anyway for a more detailed look, though still not complete it is in the "help" post