Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

Looking back now I would ignore her, you can't do anything without a born child. It's not worth the stress, or headache of even worrying about it. The problems with the marriage should be dealt with first, oc second. H forced oc on me pretty much even though I was ok with having contact. I guess that is why my marriage is where it is now. We dealt with oc more than repairing our marriage which it seems I was the only interested in repairing it. As long as husband was able to do what the crap he liked he was happy. He was happy with the status quo. He wanted to come home to a wife that maintained the house the kids, one who didn't care about what he did or does out on the street. So I don't have alot of advice except that if she is pregnant deal with it after oc is born. Change your phone numbers if you have to. She doesn't have the right to harass you guys. It may be easier said than done, and I think as women we wouldn't worry about it as much if we didn't feel like a child by another women is a link to our husbands. What I have now learned is that my h oc mother was not and is not the root of our problem, because all he did was replace that affair with another. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

Don't have time for a long response, but have send her a certified, return receipt letter stating no more contact, phone calls, etc. etc. period or you will be forced to take legal action against her. Document every call and if you can keep a recording of them.

As far as her being PG. The only thing you can do is expect the best and plan for the worst. Find out what your rights are in your state. Your state's website should have information on CS and other legal issues regarding this. You might think of consulting an attorney and getting advice if indeed you have substantial assets you need to protect.

Don't engage her or return any of her phone calls. She ain't got brains God give a crow bar, so you're wasting your breath trying to reason with her and expecting her listen and stop harassing you. Do it in writing, keep track of phone calls and take legal action - - restraining order etc. She may be violating federal laws regarding the phone calls too, depending on what she's saying. Your phone company or local sheriff's office should be able to help you out with that.

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

hi sleepless,

i would be stunned if the ow was entitled to anything other than cs + medical etc. certianly not a share of assets unless CS is delinquent and an judge granted a charge.

if you have assets that are income producing, i think you mentioned oil royalities etc, then yes it probably would be a good idea to consdier a legal seperation and having those assets transfered into your name. that would help to reduce your h's assessed income. you can have CS set up for your kids at the same time. in some places whoever gets their cs order in place first winds up with the most CS. it would be ridiculous for a BS to have to stand in line behind a OW for CS but sadly it happens.

i have to say though, i would seriously doubt she is pregnant. it sounds to me like just another attempot to real him back into the affair.

in terms of her continued contact, a no contact letter is definately in order. if you send it regsitered post and simply state that no contact should be made until such times as her child is born and she is ready to submit to DNA testing, or if she miscarries.

hugs to you. i hope you h is feeling better.

carolyn

I would cover my butt if i were you, before you know if she is pregnant or not jump on it and get it in place NOW... you can always undo it later if you need to.. and with his condition the way it is it may be for the best.

Sleepless, these ladies seem to have it under control. I just wanted to send you my prayers, and my best.

Yup.

It sucks all around, but Dr. Dobson & others say it is the most likely setup to keep the current family intact. After all our OW (STOW's) stunts I believe it. Sounds like the OW in your sitch is a real winner too. Good chance she's lying to get him to engage with her. You need to prepare yourself to get very little information during NC during the "pregnancy" if there is one. We had NO contact with OW from month 2 til after the birth; I had to call the hospital around her due date to even find out if there was a baby. Turns out they rang her room. The void of information is weird. But any contact with her at all seems to start all her conniving antics all over again; some of the things she has done in the past months assure us that there is no way we could have contact with OW, even for the sake of OC.

Good luck, get that legal advice.

MSA

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

sleepless why not let the utilities go unpaid that would of course force them to shut them off It is not but a smudge on your husbands credit report. If it even went that far.

You are way too nice to her and you can easily explain away a few utility bills not being paid.
I know that would be the way to go no matter what this way you can be assured that she would be out of there before you try to sell the condo. I am sorry but if you do NOT put everything in your name alone and god forbid something were to happen to your husband SHE would be after his assets if there is indeed a child involved because obviously he cannot make out a Will, not being in his right mind an this paticular time.

too many things to consider and since your husband does not recall the adultery at this time he should be more than agreeable to you safeguarding your family assets.

I wouldn't sign the letter Merry X-mas or any such thing. Stick to the NC period and let her know you're documenting her calls and attempts to contact and you will take legal action. Keep it to the point and simple. Why engage her? That just encourages her more. Don't banter back and forth with her. You're talking to the wall and further encouraging her behavior.

Have you documented or logged her calls and their content? If not, you should be doing so. They are harrasssing, unwanted calls and she could be in violation of Federal laws relating to use of the telephone.

I don't quite get why you're paying her bills? Doesn't make sense to me either if you have power of attorney for your H and you had the utilies turned off through the proper channels (service orders and documented who you talked to at the utility office, etc.) then why in the world would they not disconnect or at least make her put the utilities in her name? Not making sense?

Also, why would the condo manager have anything to do with knowing or not knowing that the eviction notice has been given to her. That's a legal thing between your H (you with power of attorney) and you. Did you or your attorney send it certified, return receipt so you were notified?

Nut,

not wanting to put words into sleepless's mouth but i think the ow is in the condo and having her bills paid becuase FWH in his madness moved the OW into the condo and set everything up in his name to "look after" her.

As for the utilities companies, i should be suprised at how terrible they are at this sort of thing but sadly i am not. I suspect sleepless is correct and OW is impersonaiting her h to have the power etc kept on. i think i am with cordelia on this on and i would just not pay and let nature take its course. one blimp on a credit history is nothing to be too concerned about and if it means getting the harridan out of their lives then it is a small price to pay.

Carolyn

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

sleepless, re the no contact letter. here is one i suggested for another poster a while ago. it is based on one drafted by a lawyer in another group i am in.

""dear <insert ho's name here>

You have informed us that you are pregnant. you have also informed us that you beleive XXX to be the father of your child. Until such times a verification of your claims can be obtained via a recognised paternity test and the results of such a test reconginsed by a court of law, we hereby formally request that you refrain from contacting by any means, ourselves or any members of our extended family. We will consider failure to refrain from such contact as harrassment and we will be forced to report the matter to the authorities in addition to exercising what ever civil remedies are available to us.

We trust we have made our position clear.

If you persist in your claim that <husband> is the father of your child, we invite you to contact our attorney <atty name> at <insert details> once your child is born and arrange for the beforementioned paternity tests to be carried out.


Regards,

"

Hope you are feeling better sweety. I havent had a chance to read through your whole post yet (damn work keeps getting in the way) but i will as soon as i get home.

i think your lawyer is on to a good thing here with the forgery angle.

big hugs

Carolyn

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

NC for both of you. Change the cell number if you can. Send the letter Carolyn suggested and let it go until the OC is born if there is one.

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa

Post deleted by sleeplessiniowa