I have no desire to contact the OW who my WH told me was my biggest advocate before exposure yesterday.

The fact is that if she believed she was not doing anything wrong she would have contacted me before(after I caught them together with him lying that he was at work) and I would have explained that the EA is most definately wrong and in order to repair our marriage she needed to stop having contact with my husband because she has replaced me emotionally and that is not okay. Then she would have walked away.

What do I do if she confronts me? She is enraged at me and believes I am being vindictive and mean because I told her Mom and her friend. She on the other hand can be very vindictive and mean. She has told me that outright.

You should not contact her, PERIOD. And please do not believe anything your husband says right now, he is lost and his only concern is himself and does not care for you. He will say anything to avoid looking in the mirror and knowing he is responsible for HIS AFFAIR, NOT YOU.

Stay away and avoid all of the drama, they will want tos suck you in once again and paint you in a corner--remember, this all your fault in their mind at the moment. Do not call or discuss anything with her. However, bit by bit you will be in contact with your husband and it is now time to Plan A your butt off.

For whatever reason, if she does reach you, keep the story straight-you are fighting to save your marriage, that is your true intention and only one at this point. Encourage her to find another man WHO IS NOT MARRIED TO YOU for enjoyment.

She is having an affair with your H and she is "enraged" at you? WOW. For WHAT?

Surely she would never have the nerve to contact you while having an affair with your H? If she does, calmly let her know that you will do everything short of taking out a billboard about her affair if you see fit. Then advise her to never contact you again or you will report her to the police for harrassment.


With "advocates" like that, who needs enemies? An "advocate" does not screw around with your H. Good grief.

I have never once had contact with the ow. Been tempted but refuse to stoop to their level. She, on the other hand until the last month or so stayed in constant contact with her stbx who is a friend of mine and I know she was upset by the exposure but used the excuse that I was just jealous of her because she had my h and I didn't! I told her stbx I was not jealous of her I am not jealous nor do I wish to be anything like her. jealous of a slut, I do not think so. She thinks she is all that and so much better than me. Do you want to know how mentally unstable she is as well??

Let's see....

1. she married her h in july of 2004. By October of that year she was chasing my h big time and by January 05 had convince my h they should have sex "to see what it would be like"
2. She left her h and moved into her own apt, telling her h she has wanted my h since before she even married her h! (how nice, after he spends 25000 on a wedding for her) Tells her h it's nothing personal, she is just not sexually attracted to him, she thinks of him like a friend. Hello, they were together 5 years before they married and she is the one who wanted to get married.
3. She pursued my h big time during this not giving a flying **** about me and my kids or her h or anyone else but her own selfish self
4. Goes crying back to her after a month or so of being gone saying she wants to work it out, they go to counseling
5. A few months after that she leaves him AGAIN because she wants to live the single life
6. Goes to a wedding after she tells him this, meets up with some guy she doesn't know and sleeps with him all weekend, while still married and in the marital house
7. She moves out of her house, gets apt, and gee, calls my h immediately. mind you, my h last year had said she was easy and he would use her as long as she was stupid enuff to be used and she was all upset about this but she called him anyway. guess she likes being used cuz that is all he is doing. hey, he gets all the sex he wants and a free place to stay right now.
8. she tells her h to tell me she is so sorry for hurting me and I am a good person and didn't deserve this, and in the next breath is calling my h and jumps head first into being with him again. yea, she's real sorry huh. then I am a witch and jealous, the whole nine yards

there is so much more but the long story is.... the ws and the ow are both in fogs, both selfish and only thinking of themselves. She could care less about you or your feelings and anything you say to her she would turn around and use against you. Your ws and her will sit and justify their brains out to make what they are doing ok. Until he comes out of the fog that is what they do. I don't know in my case what her big problems were, she was only married a few months to a man that gave her the world... my h on the other hand is boo hoo poor him, he is unhappy about his childhood, unhappy about his marriage, boo hoo hoo.never did anything about it mind, just gave him the ok in his mind to go and screw around.

IMHO, the ow is selfish and not worth your time. If she calls you (which I doubt she will. I live in a tiny town and I have yet since last July to run into her) just say you are married to you h and as long as you are you intend to fight for your marriage, enuff said, hang up, tell her not to call you anymore. They are cowards though, trust me. They know they are wrong, they know they are trash. They only run in the cirlces in which their behavior is accepted.

Keep posting and reading, you will learn a lot here. Plan A now. And he will cool down. He will. Mine has. It took a while, but he did. My h knows he is acting like a dirt bag, he will even tell ya that. He just doesn't care that he is. HE could care less what anyone thinks of him so the fact that everyone knows, he doesn't care. If someone doesn't liek what he is doing he just says too bad. i asked him if it even bothered him that ow's h was devastated by all this, it really crushed him and he said very quickly and very easily "no, I don't care. I only care about myself and no one else. He never did anything to me but I don't care that he is hurt or devestated. Basically, his w was offering it up so I took it. end of sentence" a true narcisist if I ever saw one. H has admitted that he and ow get along so well because neither one of them care who they hurt or what they do. He admits they are both selfish, that she is a whack job and a liar, and he just doesn't care. And until he does care, there is nothing I can from my end. I don't understand it, but it is what it is I guess. We are here for ya! mlhb

I would avoid the OW like the plague. Just pretend you were in her position and it WAS just a friendship. What would you do? Any normal woman would have ended the friendship and apologized to the wife. Healthy people respect others' marriages and avoid causing problems.

Also protect yourself. I don't want to scare you, but we did have a BS here who was attacked by the OW the day after exposure. She was getting out of her car at K-Mart, and the OW ambushed her and attacked her with a pool cue. The BS ended up with a broken jaw and facial injuries. There are some crazy people in the world.

Lost, please don't worry so much about the reaction of the affairees. Of course they are angry at being exposed. But you can't let the rantings and ravings of a pair of affairees have so much control over you. They are in the the wrong and they know it. They are just furious that you are taking a stand. Stick to your guns.

Thank you. I just wasn't sure if she would confront me. She hasn't yet, but she is pretty pissed.

If she is 'really' pissed, give her some toilet paper and tell her to pee in the toilet. LOL!!!

Stupid OW.

L.

I don't know about that, when it comes to the OW, I just don't have a square to spare!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

She needs to be more worried about your anger, since she is the one in the wrong. She should fear YOU for putting you in this position in the first place.