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I need to mentally train for next WH encounter. Once he picks up the papers, he will be furious that OW is actually named in them. Any tips on how to respond to his fury? My objective for this conversation would not be MB, Plan Aing or anything short of diffusing his rage. I just don't want to deal with the rabid dog thing right now.
So when he says:
"Why did you give her name, you vindictive B*tch, don't you know what she stands to lose!!"
Any good responses?
Honestly, I didn't have to do it, I did it because it made me feel good. INS doesn't give a darn about what is in our divorce papers. But he gave me such a verbal beating about getting her name, it seemed a waste not to use it.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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"Everybody here stands to lose plenty. I didn't want her to miss the party."
Oh wait....you wanted to DIFUSE the situation, not throw gasoline on the fire....okay...lemme try again.
"I think it's important to tell the truth as completely as I know it in a court of law. I think we're all taking some very big losses."
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Thanks star*fish for both responses!
I talked to my sister, who helps me with my problem solving skills and she suggested I just meet him at McDonalds for the kids swap, prferably with tape recorder visible.
Meeting at a neutral site would be best temporary option. But please keep RB suggestions coming, he will get me alone or on the phone at some point and I need to be armed and ready.
Of course, my sister (the counselor) also pointed out that the fact that I have paced and worried for a day and a half about the verbal bashing on its way is indicitive of the verbal abuse history and I need to be reminded of that when I have doubts about the divorce.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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This just really has me freaked out. I need to get us out of the house and distracted and just have him pick up girls where ever we end up for the day.
I hate not knowing when he is coming by and how furious he will be.
Lat time we had a "protecting OW issue" he stewed for 4-5 days, then let me have it at a family gathering.
It is just weird thinking that I have to physically protect myself from my H by staying in public when he is in "OW's white knight" mode.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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***Honestly, I didn't have to do it, I did it because it made me feel good. INS doesn't give a darn about what is in our divorce papers. But he gave me such a verbal beating about getting her name, it seemed a waste not to use it.***
I'd say you came up with the perfect response right here!
But if you don't want to use that one, I'd suggest "Good-Bye" or *click*.
Mulan
Me, BW
WH cheated in corporate workplace for many years. He moved out and filed in summer 2008.
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If it weren't so sad it would be comical about how WH wants to protect OW "good name".
If you didn't want her name on divorce papers you shouldn't have had an A.
I thought you wanted to proclaim to the world your love for OW...I thought I would help make it official.
The lawyer asked me to name all responsibile parties so I did.
My name is on those papers too.
I don't think those suggestions are helpful in diffusing anything, I'm sure Orchid will be along.
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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Protecting a person's reputation (aka: good name) is a biggie for orientals. It seems t/b ingrained in our souls. That's good and bad plus a great tool.
Here's my brief thought (am on my way to work):
WS: You put Kimlee's name on the docs? How dare you. I hate you.
BS: Oh, I thought that's what you wanted. You like being with her right? Well seems like you are gonna see more of her name who knows where.
WS: I hate you.
BS: You already said that.
Ws: I still hate you.
BS: Yea..... come up with another excuse, that one's getting old.
Ws;: Ummmummmm......uhhuhhh....duhhhduhhhh.....
L.
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Thanks for more great suggestions.
I do wonder, now that papers are filed, that info is forever out there , right? What if the petition was withdrawn?
Once this is all over, I was thinking of forwarding a copy to OWH's just in case he needed it for his future divorce. Not that I give a hoot about OWH since he seems to be a whack job too. But if OW plans to D OWH, I would like OWH to be able to protect his business from my WH and OW. The thought if my WH benefitting financially by screwing OWH over, just raises my dander.
And, after the temp hearing where we will ask that OW stay away from my kids until some divorces are final (which the lawyer said the judge would grant before she even has to finish asking), I thought OW might need a copy of that info so she knows the limitations.
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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