All of the holiday fights with X over the holidays.
I hear my co-workers complain about their spouses, and who won't do what. Who won't pack for travel or leave on time.
What to get the spouse. Fighting over whose relatives to visit.

In the past, I was sad to think I'd be alone for the holidays. Now, I'm beginning to think that I'm happy to be responsible for myself and my plans and my gifts. I will spend Christmas Eve at church and enjoy the service.

This is a good feeling as I just realized that the 4th anniversary of D day is approaching and I am in a much better place in my life.

[color:"blue"]Fighting about that stuff was never my bag - you did what you had to do concerning relatives. Now my attitude is I do what I like and no more.

I can remember my 2nd ex though who always picked a fight before any vacation or visit over the holidays. Then sulked during the entire event.

Glad now that I have the freedom to pick and choose.

V. [/color]

Oh, you had the same Passive aggressive husband too. My favorite was when he sulked around me, did nothing to help but then acted like the perfect host. Not my problem anymore.

I understand Newly.

.......going to X-MIL's for Christmas Eve.
Just not an enjoyable time for me, and my OD still doesn't care for it. I feel her pain.

I have been bothered by the thoughts or Christmas Eve, and being alone. [daughter's will be with their father, I don't have family near]
I always go to church Christmas Eve, but I'm not sure about this year. I have been invited to spend the evening with friends, all couples, but at least I won't be alone.
I will go to church on Christmas day though, WITH my girls.

I enjoy the fact that I can do for my girls as I please, if I can, and not have him to answer to. Or, for him to tell me, NO. He would very much like to still dictate $$ I spend, but too bad, he can't!

My D hits 2yr mark tomorrow [total time apart 3 yrs]. It makes me angry that this man still has the ability to make me cry from time to time.
Not because I want him back, or that I miss him, but just life blows that have been dealt, and how he chose to handle those times. Sometimes, I get real tired of being the one left to make all things right, and he appears to be off living a carefree life. In the end, I know I have the respect of my girls, but I can't help but feel bitter sometimes.

I'm in a better place also, but when will the triggers stop?
UGH!

K!

When we let go of our expectations of them. Or that's what people tell me. Yes, I'm still hurt by X, and have to see him tonight. OK - choose to see him tonight because I don't want him brainwashing the kids over food stuff again.
I love my house, I love my kids, and while it is hard sometimes, It is good.

"When we let go of our expectations of them."

I think that's it exactly Newly.

You have a great attitude! It is all good, you're right.

K!

I don't miss all the grumbling about the money, and the decorating, everything. The kids said he was really crabby when they set up their tree at his house. I guess his wife said, "Just because you hate Christmas doesn't mean we all have to." Somethings never change.

What I really don't miss is the wondering why he's late and where he is because he was off tying one on. That and the increased gambling debts when he spent our Christmas money at the casino and then tried to win it back before I noticed. What a loser! What was I thinking? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Ladies, we are so much better off without them!

Karona - Two years already, how time flies. Hold your head high and be proud of how far you have come!

Take care and God bless!
K

As somebody new to not being married or with family at Christmas, I too have had a tough time adjusting. The best advice I got was to realize that the old common stereotype of family celebrations is not the only way to celebrate.

One can spend the day with a few good friends.

Or many friend.

Or alone, reflecting on the past year.
Or getting some spiritual nurishment in whatever way we find it.

I remember that there is a God who cares for me, loves me and will support me.

I don't miss having a husband that volunteer for us to host holiday parties, and scheduling parties for us to attend without consulting with me. I don't miss having to find last minute baby sitters, so we can attend parties. I don't miss having to do holiday shoppings for the in-laws.

Now I enjoy doing things at my own pace, and most of all I enjoy the extra time I get to spend with my kids. We spend weekends together decorating, making cookies, snuggling under the blankets and watching Christmas movies.

I don't miss having Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day sewn up into spending the whole time at his parents' house. Lovely people...but. My older kids were invited over there. We wound up with little time just with them (OR his kids either). Plus, I have a brother w/girlfriend and there was NO time with them, at least in which my Ex-H wanted to be involved. And certainly no other friends.

That's just wrong.