It's going to be a skinny Christmas, I'm almost broke, but I'm determined to make the best of it. Meanwhile, I'm looking for work far, far away so I can lift up on new wings and fly away from here...

Meanwhile, my erstwhile husband (I guess he's an X, never got the papers and don't really care -- in honor of JustPeachy, I'll call him Jabba), doesn't look happy with his lesbian sweetie...

Plan B really does work. When I finally cut off having any social life outside the family and stopped seeing Jabba public, I felt so, so much better. But ... I did have to cut off my social life.

Last night, I was almost sure he wouldn't be at the concert I was going to, for a number of reasons. Guess what.

During intermission, I went up to a male friend and as a "shield" from the situation. He walked right by us twice -- the friend used to think I was imagining things, but said definitely "his antenna was up." Jabba walked to the edge of the room, turned around, and came back again for no reason, according to friend. I completely didn't "see" him -- the normal way I handle these.

Then he went over and started a prolonged convo with someone right next to the aisle chair I had been sitting in, so I could not return to my seat and read the program.

The delightful OW was sitting off by herself, looking grim, till someone began talking to her.

It's all so sad, and it doesn't look happy. But there's nothing I can do. I still love him, but I don't really want him back -- he's 100 percent liability, and I can't take on all his devils.

So what's the point? What's his point?

It really did make me see all the joys of Plan B, and seeing "them" to the edge off my evening. Hey all you out there: you really are better off not seeing them while they are in communication with the mother ship.

A few weeks ago SS came to my house directly after visiting theirs. He was in shock at the degree of his dad's psychological deterioration. All the stepkids are disturbed and concerned -- but hey, he's got lots of enablers, and is continually propped up. The crash when it comes ... well, who knows?

I don't know where this is going, folks -- this is small potatoes for many of you facing Christmas with big-time problems. And I, too, have big-time problems: no real job yet, uncertain future, and a rat in my oven (I think we got it out -- I'm not sure).

But seeing him and not really knowing the situation, apprehensive that it's really no good and knowing there's nothing I can do ... in such a deep dark Plan B (despite the D) that I have no channel of communication, nor do I really want one.

I loved him so much. Who'd a thunk it?

He's also doing his weird self-destructive things again. Went on a ladder (he can't; he's disabled) to saw off a tree limb (he only has use of one hand), fell off, dislocated his shoulder, and needed surgery, twice.

This was suicidal. How did he get up the ladder? Did OW hand him the saw?

It's all so crazed. I hear these things now -- it all feels far away, like looking at dark star that's about to implode.

The PR is so carefully controlled that only if you have a Rosetta Stone can you "read" what's going on. Like my friend did.

AMM:

...why doesn't he get one of those chain saws on a pole?? ...but it's not your problem.

I'm glad 2 hear you're doing as well as you are. Glad 2 hear you making noises about getting out of the area, 2.

-ol' 2long

Come out west and visit 2long and me!

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Pep:

She lives "wester" than we do. She'd have 2 drive SSE 2 visit us'uns.

-ol' 2long

oh reeeeeeally

SSE to get to yurin? Sounds like she lives near me.

That true AMM? If sufficiently so, there are a lot of good jobs around here right now.

Rat in the oven, huh? I had a taste of rat pie once. One of those medieval faire thingees.

Ande ite dide note tastee likee chickene.

AM:

I'm stuck on this...



That's SCARY..I understand where there's one..there's many more...

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Ap:

'bout 1/2-way betwixt, I believe. Not far from where a 2ple of my sister units live.

Rat Pie? Must 'o been made of minced Rat Meat. ...I can hope so, at least...

-ol' 2long

I knew you would bite on that one, 2 long.

I just had to give it to you, though. Couldn't help myself.

Well, Mimi, I got some of that electronic stuff that sends a pulse through the wall that alienates rats, then I got a one-room ultrasound thingee that also bothers them.

I leave the oven door open so that there's no darkness or seclusion in the oven for it -- so it left the oven and is probably in the storage area somewhere.

I feel bad for it. It's COLD outside, and it is seeking warmth and heat just like I would be. It doesn't mean to scare me.

I HATE living in the country! I hate the spiders and ticks and rats and mice. I want I nice urban apartment.

Why aren't my three cats interested in the rat (seems to be singular, at this point)?

2long -- I was thinking of you this afternoon and wondering how you are. My D will be graduating this June -- hence, my flight. It will be a LIBERATION!!!

As for why didn't he use something safer to saw off limb -- why if he did that, he wouldn't be in denial that he's disabled. And he wouldn't be able to destroy himself. He really is in self-destructive mode. And OW is kind of like the rat -- she won't leave willingly. She's getting more social acceptance than she's ever gotten in her whole life; and financially, she's better off. Anyway, he's living in her house -- and he can't leave easily, because he's disabled. There may not be an OW#2 on hand to rescue him, which is probably what he's subliminally looking for. Even as an alpha male -- any healthy female should be able to pick up that he's not healthy, physically or psychologically.

You know, this relationship could go on for a rrrreeeeeeaaaal long time. Much longer than either of them truly wants.

Aphelion -- what kind of jobs? And where are you? I'm willing to relocate. In fact, I'm hoping to.

Ah....the slow motion train wreck. Know it soooo well! And you are handling the role of bystander well my dear! Come down yonder and hang out w/me! DS and I can take you folks to aquarium...and do the new south right!

It is sad...but for me my dear, plan B actually did sooo well..it totally preserved my love for my H..that I totally separated from the WS. I saw them finally as two distinctly separately different people. I held love for the H, but began to loathe the WS. I was sooo able to draw the line in the sand. I was able to see things clearly. And more tbe WS became the dominant, I had become totally able to distance myself from him.

Think this may be happening to you too. And don't worry. The logic of the WS is wierd. You'll never get it. Do not wreck your pretty brain to try it...heck, every time I try to think like my xh and try to figure out his actions, I get no answer..and I get a headache. Not worth it!

In my case it worked TOO WELL..

AMM:

Where Appy lives, you don't tan, you rust.

-ol' 2long

Hey 2long, you don't know about rust unless you come from Detroit.

JustPeachy, it's not quite like that. I still love him I guess, but so many cold and cruel things were done to me, with so many public humiliations from them without provocation. There was no reason for the childish stuff that happened. I kind of think they deserve each other. I know this will eventually turn them against each other; in fact, I suspect it already has.

You know, he's clinically depressed, has multiple sexual addictions, post-polio syndrome, is stroke-disabled, and has emotional problems I can't begin to fathom. He's running so many strange illegalities my lawyer could barely figure it out. And he makes a living, such as it is, by pretending to be something he's not.

I love him, but the sticker price is just way way to high - for me or anyone else I know. He smells of bad karma -- she always did -- and I can't help but feeling that I got out before the big costs started rolling in.

But still, when I see him I'm overwhelmed by anxiety and sadness. Like watching the shameful electrified corpse of the man who was your husband.

good lord

how descriptive

aam

Good to hear an update.

Sorry you had to run into 'Jabba', but it looks like it just reinforced your need for plan B.

Soon my girl, soon you will fly away from all of this.

You know, these situations are like a death in the family, it's like your H died and someone else posessed his body, and you have a grieving process you have to go thru. Sounds like when you saw him it was not the H you love, but the evil personna 'Jabba' whom has taken your H's place.

You tell those kitties to get that rat. Shame on them that is their job!!!Naughty kittens!!!

My Christmas will be slim too. Lots of expenses involved with my mom's passing, have not sold her little home and live 2 states away, and that has taken a chunk out of the old budget. At least my kids are all grown. So we will count all our change we saved over the year, (our savings account)LOL, and that will be that.

Blessings to you,

Love in Christ,
Miss M

And I hate tapeworms! (Found out late last night that all three kitties have them; one, at least, is taking a mild interest in the noises the rat makes in storage.)

Come to think of it, I think the rat is a SYMBOL. Just haven't figured out of what, yet.

Just like I still haven't figured out why Jabba wants to patrol me. It's so vestigial!

And this is all since DDay AM? This is classic "guilt seeking punishment"...in droves, and lordy then the chain saw accident.

Yes, like Ktulu once told me early this summer - "you stay away from that man, he's got some bad chit coming" LOL

Not really funny, in fact not funny at all.

It is so incredibly easy to choose the right path and find happiness there, so why oh why do some have to go this route?

"... do you have to bleed just to know you are alive?"

Dumb, lost souls. How many life times will it take, I wonder?

Anyway as the others have said, good to hear such an "upbeat" sad post from you.

I think you are sounding good AM.

Thanks, Weaver. The post-polio of course kicks in some years after polio -- so that wasn't new. How that interacts with the depression -- which was diagnosed when wife #2 was unfaithful? Well, those are the things I knew about going into the marriage.

The porn addiction accelerated after the stroke, when he was "rewarded" by being given a new computer to replace his very old, primitive one. Since he had really nothing else to do... The emotional problems I only began to fathom at the very end. The illegalities are new; he used to be kind of a straight arrow. The stroke was largely caused by self-neglect -- and his failure to work towards his own recovery has left him permanently disabled, and spending tons of money on snake oil remedies. The self-destructiveness has been ongoing -- but accelerating, I think.

So the slow ungluing preceded our marriage. I don't think I'm flattering myself to think that I held things in check for him, balanced them out. There's nothing "balanced," about OW, and it looks like he's in free fall now. But does a giant tree falling in a forest make a sound if there's no one there? No one's listening around here, except me and his kids, a few others. (The friend I mentioned earlier is onto this now.)

A mutual friend said that Jabba's screen-saver had a soft-core photo of OW on it (ugh! an odious image, even to the friend). That was a tipoff to me the porn addiction is still going on. There's a phase where the woman tries to "compete with the pictures" -- but can't, because the pictures are fantasy and a real person is not. OW probably put the photo on; I think she would know how to. I went through that phase, too. Total loss of energy.

But the important thing is: there's no point in me watching the slow self-destruction, except for purposes of warning others.

It's one thing to be forced to drive through an ugly ghetto. It's another thing to stop, pull out your lawn chair, open a beer, and spend the afternoon watching it.

Plan B, which can continue even after divorce and for the rest of you life, means you step on the accelerator and get through the mess as fast as you can.

I look forward to (oh, please, God) finding a good career job and moving out of here in June.