Anyone who doesn't know can find my pathetic story here , here and here .

To update, my husband is back home, although in seperate bedrooms. He is basically acting like before all of this started but not quite. I haven't found proof of an A but I still suspect it. I have been Plan A'ing my butt off and it seemed to be helping but I don't know.

Here's my question, he is still coming home late and today I opened the bank statement and found lost of suspicious charges. I've been the adoring wife, Sweet, kind, understanding, supportive and filling his needs, even sexual ones. Today, after a later nighter last night and the statement from the bank today, I feel like a total doormat, the welcome mat that you wipe all your mud on. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Thanks

What happened with the PI you hired?

What does your H have to say for himself? What did the two of you discuss before he came back home?

How about you getting dressed up and meeting him at the bar he goes to -you can have soda too. That would surprise him.

The PI worked for 2 consecutive weeks and then off 1 week and back for another and found nothing. I just find it impossible to believe however my husband is in retail management and this is his busiest season so he really hasn't been doing much before or after work things.

He has nothing to say really and didn't ask to come back, he simply moved back in as if he had never left.

Meeting him at "his" bar isn't an option. He works 45 minutes away from home and he finishes work at 11:00pm this time of year.

Just reading the words I'm typing makes me realize just what a weak, pathetic doormat I've become.

Open a separate bank account just for yourself. Go to the joint account you share with H, and immediately withdraw half of that money and put it into your own account.

Whenever there is a deposit into the joint account, place half into your individual account.

You ought not get yourself into a position where you have no financial resources.

I have a feeling you are going to be needing emergency money pretty soon.

I agree with Pep. Get the financial stuff in line. I'd bet you are in an interrum period.

It's good that you are Plan A-ing your butt off. Personally, I think that Plan A can have a lot of elements of being a doormat. You are changing your behavior, being as nice as possible while often accepting quite vile behavior. That's why Plan A is a short-term plan. Look through the books but I believe the Harleys' say from around 6 weeks to 3 months. You are changing the way you act to make yourself more attractive to the WS. You stop nagging or crying or discussing relationships or picking your nose or passing gas in bed. Do these things make you a better person in general? Probably but it doesn't mean that it will always get the attention of the WS. Only the WS can change the WS.

Plan A doesn't mean that you can't have boundaries. Do you think that you are just a way station until your ?WH gets through the Christmas retail season? At some point, you will probably have LB this man by asking just what he wants from you.

Keep an eye on protecting yourself.

Thanks for the money suggestions. And, yes I think he may leave after Christmas.

The funny thing is, with the plan A, I am just being who I always am except that I'm no longer asking him to do expected things, ie take the garbage out, clean the walks, stop at the store on the way home. I'm just accepting what he does (and doesn't do) with no getting angry and no nagging. Guess that's why I'm feeling walked on.

I am a very poor Plan A-er. I did it much like you are. I kept being the generally nice person that I am but didn't expect much from WH. It was like having a puppy and giving loud, generous praise when the puppy takes a pee outside. It felt like "Good hubby, you put a dish in the dishwasher" or "How lovely that you're home before midnight!"

That's why Plan A is suppose to be short term. YOu can still have boundaries.