How do I attract him if he spends all his time away from me? Honestly, he is just going away even more.

I saw him on New Years for 2 1 minute periods. I looked great BTW, but he didn't say anything....everyone else did. , but not in front of him. He left with OW friend at 1030 to go out to some of the bars. Said goodbye and hugged me which I only returned half-heartedly and he kissed me on the forehead. Should I have really just (((hugged))) him?

I do not know what to do. He is withdrawing even more. I think he is a little freaked about the spotlessness of our home. I think he thinks I am trying to scrub him out of my life.

I called him last night..... I do not call him because I do not feel I can. He makes me feel that way. He was very cold. I told him I needed my grommet setter which he had lended to the OW. He said it was here that he had gotten it back..... Ummmm when was that? She still had it during the supposed returning stuff period that never took place and then he moved out.

He is coming over tonight to look for it. Any suggestions? I can't talk about us because that just makes him mad. How can I reach out to him? I can't Plan A if he will not give me the time of day which is generally the situation.

HELP?

You plan A by being as attractive and pleasant as you can whenever you do see him. Don't talk about your relationship. Don't lovebust him. Just think about attracting him back by acting as pleasant and non-threatening as you can. Start chatting with him about work or ask his advice on how to fix something. Does he like to fix things around the house? If so, find some things for him to fix and use it as opportunity to tell him how much you appreciate his talent at fixing things and ask him to help.

Is there a point when I could ask him over for dinner or something? Right now no, because it is too hard to be with him at length without something coming up about our relationship. He just seems to be becoming more and more detached. How should I hug him? With distance or hug him? Can I initiate or only him?

I can't ask him to fix stuff right now. I have things that need to be done, but he has so much work due by Feb. He still hasn't gotten his workroom out. I think he would consider anything I ask him to do as a bother or stressor.

You may just have to continue working on your home and yourself for awhile. This stuff doesn't work right away, it takes some time. But every time you are pleasant and attractive, you are planting seeds.

I would not call him if he is cold and annoyed by it.

Lost, just use your judgment and do what you can to attract him back. If it will not help to ask him to fix things, then don't do it. I was trying to suggest things that might work.

I know you were just making suggestions. Any other time the fixing things would be very helpful and he does like to be needed, but now he will be getting very stressed about his silver work since his whole shop is in my house.

He is coming over in a few minutes. I am a little stressed. Okay a lot. The house has changed a lot since he last saw it and he was a little freaked then. It could be an interesting visit. Like I said before he seems to be feeling like I am trying to scrub him out of my life and of course that isn't true.

I just wish he wasn't so cold. It just kills me.

Well, it went better than I thought. I managed not to talk about our relationship.....really. Made a comment that I am trying to make our home more comfortable. Showed him the crazy material I bought for the shower curtain and explained that I thought we needed more color and it fit with his idea of a sheer curtain and would not be too dark with a clear liner He proceeded to explain to me that my grommets were too small, but WE could go to a store and look for some. Is making us, we, our comments a good idea? In a way I think it is because it is natural or it was, but "our home" made him uncomfortable.

He is coming over tomorrow to start packing his w/r. It will be an all evening project. Yuck. A little hard to maintain myself for hours.....I will offer to help, but mostly I think doing my thing is better and checking on him periodically. I really can't help him much anyway.

Hey, I even managed to make him laugh a few times.

Sounds like you are doing great. Keep it up.

I am trying, but it is so hard. I am running out of things to do. I must occupy myself. It is funny, if I ignored him so much, why now can I not fill my time no matter how hard I work? Well it is because I worked my life around him even when I was going to school. I would bet up extra early to study so it would not interfere.

Depending on his mood, I am okay, or devastated by our contact. I just do not understand. Truly, I don't understand.

Tonight he comes to pack up stuff. Should I offer help? Should I just do my thing and check on him every now and then? There is not much I can do to help, but should I offer anyway?

If it will help you, yes I would. What else could you do to attract him?

I do not know. I offered him something to eat last night when he was there and he declined. I cannot call him because it irritates him. I think she was probably there the other day when he was a particular jerk.

I can't ask him to fix things right now because of his time constraints. I can't really ask him out or over, unless he is in my presence at the time.

I need things that are relatively benign, but I just do not know what. Once he gets his w/r out there is no reason for him to call me...help?

What would you think about inviting him and his mom over for dinner?

If I can't see him how do I attract???????

Well, he came over tonight. Was going to be late, but called and I was irritated. He said if I had other plans that was fine. Sorry my bad. He didn't get done what he needed because it was 630 when he got here so he is coming again on Friday. I offered him dinner, but he said he had a PB and J and was fine. Am I supposed to feel sorry for him?

I have had 3 people/groups ask me to dinner this week and because I didn't know when he was coming I had to say no, but explained. One said anytime. So in my irritation, I called while WH was here and will be going to his house(and a roomate who is gay and also my friend) tomorrow for dinner. I will be very careful. Not looking for the shoulder to cry on scenario. Not what I need. Besides, he is just a sweet guy and is 23. He is not interested in a 35 y/o woman.

Anyway, did I make a mistake by it being known that I was going to dinner at someone's home? He knows, but not who or gender though my friend and I had a lovely lengthy conversation about the menu. Authentic Chinese.......Yum. Cooked by his roomate.

He himmed and hawed a little about the accessability to my house and his w/s. Sorry I just cannot give him a key.

Got half hug again and he will be back on Friday. Then on Saturday to move it on out. Whoopie.

Any ideas?