He is coming over tomorrow morning to get some work stuff. He sounded both angry and sad on the phone tonight when he asked if he could.

What should I do? Where are PLan A and B? Should I continue to tell him I think we should work this out despite him telling 50 times yesterday that we couldn't because of what I did. He said I was being unreasonable and wasn't listening to him. I told him I was, but I knew he was very angry and I was only trying to save our marriage. Should I stop saying this?

He asked if I was going to work and I told him that I was going to the thing we had been planning for so long. He said that he didn't know because everyone knew and I told him that no, 3 people out of 100 know. He said that 2 more knew because they were there last night when he was so mad and telling 2 of them....so that makes 5. I wish he would come. It will be fun. I need to have fun even if it is separate from him for now and so does he....away from the OW.

First -- slow down and take a deep breath. Then slow down some more.

You can read about Plan A and Plan B right on this website. Look at the top of the page and click on "Articles". Read as much of the website as you can and not just this forum.

Nothing says you have to be there when he stops by to get his stuff tomorrow. And at this point, he does not need to know where you have gone.

Read, read and read some more. You need to understand the basic concepts before anyone here can really help you.
Mulan

Most of my posts have said read and read and read....make it your assignment and part of your plan to save your marriage. The MB principles are this site for all to see just as Mulan mentions above.

I am trying. So much info and some of it seems vague to me. I am kind of a point a to point b person. I have read a lot and go back again and I am learning, but it is what to do this second that I am freaked about. I cannot purchase anything until I have $ in my bank account. When i can I will start getting books.

I understand I need to clean my house and appear happy which I did on the phone tonight. I also encouraged him to go to the thing tomorrow, but he is so freaked that everyone knows. All 100+ of them. I told him no to go and have a good time. I do not want to exclude him from everything he loves and despite his concern most of these people are periphery and do not matter. Of course I am going too..... It is too soon to try to have much of positive anything with him, but I will have a good time.

His coming by in the morning just freaks me out because I do not want to drive the huge wedge from yesterday any deeper.

You need to go to the bookstore and get Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley. That will fill in the blanks for you and it will start making sense. If its not there, you can buy it here with cheap, fast shipping.

It will help you understand where your H is coming from if you liken him to an addict who is under the influence of alcohol. Affairs are addictions and the mental state of an affairee is like an addict under the influence. That is why we keep telling you to take his ravings with a grain of salt. They are drug induced rantings that mean nothing. He is confused and doesn't know what he wants. If you approach him as you would a falling down drunk, it will be much easier to understand and handle.

I went out and bought it last night and started reading. I will continue.

I am really worried about love busting. Right now when I tell that I believe we can work this out and be stronger and fall in love again he consistantly tells me no he doesn't think he can. He says I am not listening to him because I will not see that he is done.

I also tell him that in order to do this he must stop his affair with OW and he is totally unwilling because she is his"friend" and he doesn't treat his friends that way. But he treats his wife this way? He says he loves her that they have a spiritual connection and can talk about anything. This is an affair even if they are not sleeping together it was / is going to happen.

He will be here in an hour or so. I am just sick.

Lost, read the response I just gave you on your other post. that will help you on what to do and how to handle the talk you have with him when he gets there. mlhb

it was your "exposing/talking/what now" post i responded to, read it before he gets there. hugs! mlhb

If it is annoying to him, stop saying it. But dont let him believe for a minute you have changed your mind. You won't accept that your marriage is over. Tell him that you don't do divorce, you will only discuss rebuilding your marriage.

Don't get into debates with a drunk, Lost. Just state your stance and let it go. You aren't going to win this by debating.

When he comes, just be as pleasant as possible. If he wants to talk tell him that you are willing to discuss working on repairing your marriage, but not on splitting up.

An important point: DO NOT LET HIM GUILT YOU ABOUT EXPOSING HIS AFFAIR. He will use your guilt as ammunition against you. Got that?

p.s. it would be so much easier if you could pick one threads and just stick to it. Folks can't keep up with multiple threads. Let the other ones die.

These are lovebusters:

Selfish Demands
Disrespectful Judgments
Angry Outbursts
Annoying Habits
Independent Behavior
Dishonesty

Nowhere does it describe a lovebusters as something the WS doesn't like to hear.

Thank you I am discontinuing this thread. I will mark it for reflection. I will pick one.