Hi all <BR>I hope that this post finds you all well and healthy, I have not had much time to be here lately I have been reading but not posting much (no time work,work,work!!) I have to vent right now though to hell with work for now!! I hope you guys understand<P>Over the last 3 weeks or so my husband has reverted to his previous behaviour, I don't know if there is another women involved but after what I went through last time I really hope not !! He has started to come home at all odd hours again phone and tell me he is on his way then not get home until the early hours of the morning. I have tried so hard not to love bust about this, but it is getting way too much now !! <BR>Last night he came home and asked if it would be okay if he went out to play some pool with a good friend of ours I said yes great no problem please don't be home to late, as I struggle to sleep when you are not here. Well after a sleepless night he arrives here at home at 5.00 am this morning as I am getting ready to go to work he just brezzes in and gets into bed !!! No apploogy or explaination given so I asked where the hell had he been the whole night, "with friends" doing what I asked, no comment offered of course I mean to be gone from 7.00 pm until 5.00am the next day is really taking advanage of me. I feel that it is uncalled for to say the least. I don't think that he is commited to saving our marrige it is as if the storm is over all is forgiven and forgetten so he can just carry on as he did before. I am so fed up with his broken promises and lies and more lies and more broken promises if I count the times just in these two weeks that he has promised not to stay out late and then has done exactly that well it must be about 9 times (evenings) I just don't know what to any more sometimes I just feel like giving up, perhaps I should just take up with some one else and give him a taste of his own medicine. I have never felt so down ever, why does he do this? Please can any one help me with the answer to this question God knows I have asked him (h) soooooo many times and his standard reply is I don't know !!! He must think that I have daisys growing out of my ears, help guys I think that I am about to go over the edge here I can't be nicer than I am I don't know what else to do he just won't talk to me about what is happening I have tried writing letters aswell he says he reads then but never resonds or writes back HELP ME PLEASE I CAN"T TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS S**T.<P>Jenny<BR>South Africa<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Jenny,<BR> Hang on hon, the calvery's coming.<BR> I am so sorry he has put you through this stuff again. This mankes me so mad at him. You don't deserve to be treated this way Jen, you really don't. No one does. Please don't do the paybacks thing. Maybe you can let him know that he is getting very close to losing you. A love buster ? Could be, but isn't he doing some busting of his own. You need to find a way to be sure what it is he is doing on those nights.<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Jen}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Aaahhh Deb<BR>Thank you for being the night owl that you are I was scared that no one would be up on your side of the world, thank you for being here, I don't know how to find out where he is going I thought about tailing him but he drives to dam fast and recklesly so how? Perhaps you have some idea's? i havr tried the okay I will come with thing and on those nights needless to say we are safe in bed at home by no later than 10.30pm this is eating me up inside like you can't believe, why all the lies and broken promises? Why make a promise if you know full well you have no intention of keeping it? Help Deb what now?<P>Jen<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Sorry just bringing this up to the top, I really need some input on this please. I feel so alone right now and so unsure of what this all means and what I should do if anything at all.<BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Hi Jenny,<BR>Seems like your H needs to read or be reminded of the chapter that deals with companionship needs. When you can't go with him, he doesn't go. Pure and simple. Don't give him permission when he asks. Say somthing like, "Our evenings are for us. We have so little time together as it is. Why don't we think of something to do together that we both enjoy?" or "I'll go with you tonight and tomorrow you can go with me to ______ (insert something you enjoy) I want to be with you. We have not had our quota of time together this week."<P>Open and honest communication of your feelings about his actions or lack of, toward you are not love busters, if expressed without condemnation or judgement.<BR>You are worried when he is not home...about a lot of things. You miss him when he goes without you. You are sad that he does not want to "play" with you instead of others. You love him and want that love to grow. You want your marriage to be the BEST PART of you life, but it cannot happen if he is not willing to do his part and share his life with you. It is ok to point out these feelings and thoughts to him. Once will not be enough. (Men have short memories) Write him a letter about how you feel, put it in story form if you can. Make a date with him to have a long talk. He must get his priorities straight!<P>Just some thoughts that came to mind. Maybe some of them will be helpful.<P>Good Luck there in Africa!<P>Beth

Thank you Beth<BR>Your thoughs are much appricated by me the problem is that he does not believe in marriage builders principles he says its all physcology mumbo jumbo, he is very selfish a quality that he never displayed until we got married, honest and open communication I have tried until I feel I could murder him with ease ! When I open my mouth his mind closes he never has anything to say about how to fix it or find a middle path that suits us both its just a case of do it if you think it will work, knowing full well I will be the only one trying, maybe I should call it day and leave him to hell with the Love I feel for him it doesn't seem to bother him to see me in tears when I hurt or am hurt by him. I think it would take an earthquake to make him realise his priorities. Sorry I did not mean to go off like that I just feel so helpless is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Because if it is stop the bus and let me off!<BR>I know I said for better or worse but the worse is wearing a little thin now<BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

oops double post sorry!<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by jendan69 (edited September 29, 1999).]

Hi Jenny,<BR>Sorry your man doesn't have enough sense to realize how great you are. This seems to be the ongoing theme these days. One spouse has really given a huge effort and changed into a better person and the other........ well you know and/or draw your own conclusions. Your in my thoughts Jenny and if I didn't have so much of my own nightmare to deal with right now I would give you some advise. I hope this will do for now..... Be strong, your a good person and in the long run you'll be a happy person.<P>Take care for now<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P><BR>

Ah Rutger<BR>Always good to hear from you I hope your situation improves soon to I share your sentiments 100% why do we do all the work only to get stomped on again? Beats me!! Well anymore suggestions anybody ?<BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Jenny,<BR> Sorry I had to go to bed last night after I posted to you, new med.<P>Do you have a friend or relitive who ould follow him ? Ask him where you can reah him in case of emergency, then wait a while and check. It's not nie but hey, neither is staying out all night. If I think of anthing else I'll post again later.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Jenny, <P>I imagine the sun is getting ready to set there in South Africa and you are probably preparing for another night of wondering what your husband is up to. <P>How frustrating this must be for you. How unfair this all is. You did say for better or worse. But he said he would love, honor and CHERISH you. As well as forsaking ALL others for you alone. Well, he isn't. You offer so much love to him. You offer much more than most women offer to their husband and you get so little in return. Jenny, maybe it is time for that earthquake by going to plan B. <P>How about a heart to heart with him to tell him how you feel - I mean how you REALLY feel. He is not cherishing you as he promised. Your needs are not being met. You have experienced physical abuse by his hands. Marriage is Commitment AND Compromise. You and your husband need to work out a mutual plan where by you both can be happy. <P>There isn't a REAL man alive that wouldn't want his wife to sit him down and honestly tell him how she feels if there is something wrong in the marriage. Lay it out for him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him what you want. Tell him that things have to change. If they don't, then it's time for Plan B.<P>Jenny, I wish your husband reaiized what a wonderful wife you are. A lady like you is such a rare find. I hope he comes to his senses before its too late.<P>Your friend, <P>SHA

Out late 9 times in 2 weeks? You might want to toughen up your Plan A--it doesn't mean being a doormat. A good book that can explain it better than I can is Dobson's LOVE MUST BE TOUGH. Even if you don't use Dobson's approach, and to be honest, I haven't, it gives you something to think about and might help you to set boundaries if MB isn't helping. It's certainly better than a revenge affair (it would probably hurt you more than your H at this point).<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Hello all<BR>I have had a good nights rest and feel a little better today, H was home last night I tried to talk to him but he was not interested and said that he was very tired (I'm not suprised are you all?) and wanted an early night, so I said that I thought that was very selfish because his sleep had not bothered him the previous night at all, and I felt that we should sit down and thrash this thing out until we could come to a compromise about somthing that would work for both of us, he said okay but he needed to go and get ciggerettes first well I waited for him to get back and as he did his friend arrived aswell and sat and visited until 10.30 pm I was so tired that I fell asleep infront of the t.v. and woke up at about 1.00am to find myself alone and cold (he had got up and gone to bed not even bothering to wake me and tell me to get into bed!) So nothing has been resolved yet. Deb thank you for you thoughts on how to catch the rat !! He has a cell phone (which he switches off when I phone an" bother" him) so I can reach him incase of an emergency he has always told me where he is going but always ends up somewhere else afterwards, I don't know any one who would be prepared to follow him around the whole night (we all have to work the next day).<BR>SHA - frustrating well he brings a whole new meaning to the word!! I have thought of plan B but I can't do it now because of my MIL she has cancer and has had a big operation in august to remove it all she goes for her next test in october her nerves are finnished right now and I know this would push her over the edge, she would have a nervous break down without a doubt (her other son who lives 600 km away wife has just started divorce proceedures out of the blue this made her ill for 4 weeks so bad that the doc was thinking of putting her into a mental facility she was thinking of suicide etc.)<BR>Heart to heart I can't count how many times we have has these in the last 4 1/2 years every time he does his dissapering act I am sure!!. Its gets a little better for a while but he always reverts back to this behaviour.<BR>Thank you for the complement but the one person that I want so badly to see that is the only one that won't.<BR>Lor please tell me more about this book, I don't think that will be able to get it here in South Africa and besides they are all so expensive due to import taxes etc I can't afford it. But thank you for the advise.<BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Hi all<BR>Just bringing this to the top for you all to see, I am going home now here in S.A I suppose you are all going to work so you all enjoy your day and I will enjoy my evening seening as we live in oppersite sides of the world day=night, night = day.<BR>Take care <BR>Jenny<P>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR>

Oops don't you all hate these double posts!<BR>Jenny<BR>------------------<BR>Where have all the cowboys gone ?<BR>Paula Cole<P><BR><p>[This message has been edited by jendan69 (edited September 30, 1999).]