Just got back...darn it...starbucks closed. I like peppermint mocha.
I am here eating store bought sushi, some hummus and nonfat pita chips...and diet coke. Got a great bottle of chard. I might have one glass before bed 2 get rid of headache.
Thanks M for the kind words...I just feel sooo numb. I had to do it. He won't take responsibility for his inability to follow thru with events...and it happens like clockwork...usually on a saturday night...about once a month. THis month it was a strained back from early am tennis...and he said he just wanted to go to the club and soak in sauana...heated whirlpool. I said if he's feeling crappy, he could come over here and feel crappy while I am not feeling crappy. Again an excuse. I get mad..he backs off. He makes snide remarks when I am angry. He acts like it's nothing. That I am over reacting. I said if it was the first time he's done this sure. but it's not. He feels the breakup coming on...makes feeble attempt at six to come over...and it is when he is on way over to my house...I really hear his words...I heard them loud and clear...the "it's all about me and my feelings and my life" that was what I heard. Then I said I could not take this kind of passive aggressive hurt anymore. That I was done hurting via romance in this whole life of mine. That I'd rather be alone than with somebody who takes me for granted.
Then I hung up cell. I then texted to him the words.
While I am grocery shopping, get text back. "It didn't have to be this way"...it said. I will still send his nano to his office. He should get it by wednesday.
This whole last minute thing...day of thing...with him. I don't get it. But it is ALWAYS on a saturday when it would happen. I saw the pattern.
As for me, my main emotional needs are for affection, admiration, and recreation. The LB began shrinking about a month ago. AFter thinkint he was the one, immediately he did the "saturday night" withdraw again after promising a wonderful evening out on town. Just that day. Right now my lb is on negative one hundred. We saw each other yesterday, and towards end of evening he had to go to an event with his client...for a few minutes, then came back about an hour and a half later. That was wierd I thought. Then tonight.
I think the xfiancee? Something wierd like this? I don't know. I just know that I NO LONGER ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THAN A CHOCOLATE FIVE LAYER CAKE...NO CRUMBS...I will cake eat and only eat from one cake if I am a committed girl. But if I am single, I will be trying cupcakes left and right! (not in the biblical sense mind you)
Guess I am back to cupcake eating. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Guess this means profile back up. Wearing makeup to work again. And to starbucks...and grocery...and going out with the perpetually single girlfriends. I am on call this new years eve. Bleech.
