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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 140
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 140 |
Hi all,
So, in my last session with SH, he requested that my WW call him for a session of her own.
I was just wondering: Has anyone else here had their WS talk to someone at MB on his/her own? If so, how did that go?
I must say that I'm scared about the idea (and a little excited, too), but I trust SH's judgment. If anyone has had any experience with this, I'd love to hear about it.
ncn
BS - 27 (me)
WW - 23 (living with OM since 9/16)
OM - 32 (OMW - 33)
no kids/pets in either marriage
d-day - 9/12/05
EA/PA - 6/05-present
Exposed to OMW 10/5/05, Exposed to ILs 10/18/05
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,320
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,320 |
My WW talked to SH alone. It went fine. If she is willing to do it, its a good idea. Just make sure NC is in place before too many sessions or it won't do any good.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 140
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 140 |
rprynne,
That's the thing: My WW has shown no signs discernible to me that she has any interest in ending her affair. I guess I'm worried that she is going feel like I'm just paying some guy to talk her our of her affair and that she'll end up feeling manipulated. So, I don't know yet if she's willing to talk to him or not.
Before talking to SH, did your WW show an interest in working on your marriage?
[color:"#01BB1E"]ncn[/color]
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,320
Member
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Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,320 |
NCN - That is a hard question to answer. Yes my WW seemed interested in working on the M. However, she had not ended contact. I did not know that contact continued. So continuing the MC with her in contact was a waste of time for her.
SH can handle it without it looking manipulative.
Besides, IMHO the correct approach on this is to not let it be manipulative. Tell your WW you are trying to be a better person with regards to relationships, you think this SH guy can help you, all you want is her opinion on what he has to say. The point is, that this should be the truth. He's going to try to help you be more attractive to your WW. If your WW wife wants to particpate, he's going to help her be more attractive to you.
Me 43 BH
MT 43 WW
Married 20 years, No Kids, 2 Difficult Cats
D-day July, 2005
4.5 False Recoveries
Me - recovered
The M - recovered
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 140
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 140 |
rprynne,
You've echoed much of what SH himself told me. I emailed my W today about talking to him. I expect her to say no. I think that no matter how I frame it that she will think I'm trying to get somebody to "talk some sense" into her. We'll see how it goes, though. I could be wrong.
ncn
BS - 27 (me)
WW - 23 (living with OM since 9/16)
OM - 32 (OMW - 33)
no kids/pets in either marriage
d-day - 9/12/05
EA/PA - 6/05-present
Exposed to OMW 10/5/05, Exposed to ILs 10/18/05
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