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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions December 26th .... 10 years later ....

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December 26th .... 10 years later .... #1542471 12/19/05 11:14 AM
Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp P Pepperband OP Member
OP Pepperband Member P Joined: Oct 2000 Posts: 35,996 Shrek's Swamp	[color:"blue"] We've won! [/color] [color:"orange"] We've beaten infidelity! [/color] [color:"green"] Triggers are gone... yes, Christmas was a trigger ... no more. [/color] [color:"purple"] My husband has tremendous self-respect and is proud of who he is today. [/color] [color:"brown"] I am happy and feel no need to carefully measure out love ... I allow love to flow freely because I trust my husband. [/color] [color:"red"]All the sadness of this board no longer affects my mood. I have time and distance and experience of 10 years recovery which gives me a broader perspective. [/color] [color:"#666666"] Our marriage will make it .... and if your marriage does not make it, YOU have the choice to become an awsomely wise and happy person regardless! [/color] [color:"blue"]Whatever your feeling are today ... they are not permanent. I used to hate looking at my H's lips, knowing where they had been .... today ... my feelings about my H's lips are something else entirely [/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> [color:"green"] Feelings change. Don't fear your feelings ... let them flow. However, don't make decisions based solely on today's feelings. Wait for the longer view. Time will eventually improve your ability to see THE BIG PICTURE. [/color] [color:"black"]There is peace in my heart about OW and all the uglyness of those times 10 years ago.... I choose to wish OW well and to never allow her back into our lives. [/color] [color:"red"] Being happily married and a marriage that is fully recovered is a possibility if BOTH spouses are working at recovery. [/color] [color:"green"]If your spouse will not join you in a new and better marriage ... do the loving thing ... and release him/her after the proper amount of time. Do this as gracefully as possible. "I release you." You owe that to yourself. The more grace-filled you become, the more good will enter your life. [/color] [color:"pink"] Sex is fantastic even at this age and even after a long-term affair tried to ruin us. Keep the sexual part of your marriages alive and 'kick it up a notch' ... BAM [/color] [color:"orange"] Enjoy your Christmas and New years ... no matter who you spend that time with .... this Christmas never comes around again, so make the most of it. [/color] [color:"black"]Thanks for all you have done for us/me/mine. I appreciate everyone here ... even the ones I completely don't see eye-to-eye with. [/color] LINK ~~> Carrot/Stick of Plan A LINK ~~> Buyers/Renters/Freeloaders

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... Pepperband #1542472 12/19/05 11:19 AM
Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 5,575 N nikko Member
nikko Member N Joined: Jan 2002 Posts: 5,575	god bless you and yours pep! what we do in life......echoes in eternity!

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... nikko #1542473 12/19/05 11:24 AM
Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 131 V vanasvegen Member
vanasvegen Member V Joined: Oct 2005 Posts: 131	WoW great stuff. Thanks for helping the lost sheep! Van. BS 32 <a href="link" target="_blank"> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=2860469&an=0&page=2#2860469 </a>

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... nikko #1542474 12/19/05 11:28 AM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 3,609 H hurtinginokla Member
hurtinginokla Member H Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 3,609	Pep, Merry Christmas to you and yours. It's wonderful to see this can be overcome and life can be good again. I pray someday to be able to follow in your footsteps. Seems like a dream for now but one day happiness will return whether my marriage makes it or not. Congats on a wonderful recovery .... God Bless Hurting BS (Me)- 47 WH - 46 Married- 24 yrs 3 children 15,19,22 2 grandsons D-Day- June17, 2005 while I was 1400 miles away WH living with OW since July 05 WH filed divorce papers Dec. 22, 05 Divorced granted June 28, 06

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... Pepperband #1542475 12/19/05 11:29 AM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 396 H Hopeful4future Member
Hopeful4future Member H Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 396	You are the envy of many. Hopefully, that table will have plenty of room for the others trying to climb that mountain so they can sit along side of you and rejoice with what they have accomplished. Hopeful4future The character of a person is defined by their actions...not their intentions. Otherwise, the world would be full of Saints. BS: 40 (Me) xFWW: 50 Married: 9/97 PA: 3 months D-Day: 6/30/2005 (she revealed to me) Divorced: 10/2/2008 Happy that I've moved on

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... Hopeful4future #1542476 12/19/05 11:56 AM
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 699 B bjs Member
bjs Member B Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 699	Thank you so much for your encouraging post. God Bless you and your family.

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... Pepperband #1542477 12/19/05 12:21 PM
Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906 A ark^^ Member
ark^^ Member A Joined: Sep 2001 Posts: 5,906	Blessed are the meek, Blessed are the available. Blessed are the conduits, the tunnels, the tools. So... while the theologians were sleeping and the elite were dreaming and the successful were snoring the meek were kneeling They were kneeling before the One only the meek will see... MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS [color:"red"] !!!!!!! [/color] .... Blessed is this board to have you... [color:"pink"]text from max lucados ONE INCREDIBLE MOMENT a [/color] [color:"red"] must have book [/color] ARKIE^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... ark^^ #1542478 12/19/05 12:40 PM
Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 15,310 M mimi_here Member
mimi_here Member M Joined: Dec 2002 Posts: 15,310	Pep: It's the "honest truth".. I LUV YA... You have helped me SOOOO much... Remember..riding the horse...the lightbulb moment..DUKE it out..personal power..flight vs. fight...ridding myself of anger towards the OW.."seeing her as evil SERVES YOU, Mimi"...and a zillion more words of wisdom.... I can't thank you enough... I'M CLAIMING YOU AS ONE OF MY SISTERS IN THE STRUGGLE... and STRUGGLE is not at all a BAD THING.... Following behind you in a WONDERFUL MARITAL RECOVERY.... I love my life..living it to the fullest..striving to enjoy each moment... Truly you have been one of GOD'S BLESSINGS TO ME.. Again, that's the "honest truth"... in your meekness and humility you probably didn't want to hear this stuff BUT...I just had to tell you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Last edited by mimi1254; 12/19/05 12:48 PM. I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... mimi_here #1542479 12/19/05 12:58 PM
Joined: Mar 2002 Posts: 16,412 S star*fish Member
star*fish Member S Joined: Mar 2002 Posts: 16,412	Merry Christmas pep!! I feel the same way about my marriage.

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... mimi_here #1542480 12/19/05 01:00 PM
Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 11,539 la la land aka land of fruits ... F faithful follower Member
faithful follower Member F Joined: Jul 2004 Posts: 11,539 la la land aka land of fruits ...	<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> and woo hoo about the sex stuff too! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Faith me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49 DS 30 DD 21 DS 15 OCDS 8

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... faithful follower #1542481 12/19/05 01:31 PM
Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 847 M mojodiva Member
mojodiva Member M Joined: Mar 2003 Posts: 847	Christmas is one of my triggers, too. Our anniversary was on the 17th of this month. Thirteen years. His last affair ocurred during our ninth anniversary up until he came home for Christmas. We were both embarrassed to have to say that it took us thirteen years to finally get it right. We are happy to say that this year was the best ever in our marriage. We're two years into real recovery. We've built a new dynamic, we've worked on ourselves, and we learned to communicate effectively. We are on the same page spiritually for the first time, too. I had taken the advice of my teachers and taught by example, answering questions when they were asked and not pushing. I found that trying to live and love with grace helped us survive. Both of us worked to get here. Sometimes one of us shouldered the burden a little more, but it was more often a group effort. I'm proud to say my husband didn't run when that would have been the easiest thing to do. He faced up to what he had done, stopped blaming others, and took it like a man. I know soon I will be able to say Im proud of him as my husband. Right now I can only say I'm proud of his work eithic or his parenting, but Im getting there. I have to agree. THe sexual life in a real recovery is really something to appreciate. I'm really happy for you Pepperband. I'm happy for myself, too.

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... mojodiva #1542482 12/19/05 01:44 PM
Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,507 J JavaPrincess Member
JavaPrincess Member J Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 2,507	Congrats and Merry Christmas, Pepperband and Mr. Pep! "Lucky I'm the same after all I been thru. I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. Life's been good 2 me so far..." ~ Joe Walsh

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... JavaPrincess #1542483 12/19/05 02:49 PM
Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 284 N nottoday Member
nottoday Member N Joined: Sep 2005 Posts: 284	Pep: Congratulations to you and your family. I have seen the impact that you have had on many on these boards. You have been blessed with an insight that was most likely the result of many tears and trials. Your reward for your perserverance will be in heaven as well as on earth. Merry Christmas. NT O God, give us the serenity to accept what cannot be changed, courage to change what should be changed, and wisdom to distinguish the one from the other... Rienhold Niebuhr

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... nottoday #1542484 12/19/05 04:24 PM
Joined: Aug 2001 Posts: 725 W waitingonlove Member
waitingonlove Member W Joined: Aug 2001 Posts: 725	Awesome Pep, congrats and God bless you and your marraige. Thanks for being so helpful to all of us. Your friend WOL BS (Me) 43 WW or FWW 40 2 DS's 16 and 13 Married 21 Years D-day 9/10/2005 Exposure 9/11/2005 False NC 9/11/2005 Discovery of Contact 12/23/2005 NC (Letter written Jan 2006) Divorce Petition Filed Jan 2006 In a holding pattern. Me Still Handing in there Phil 4:13

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... waitingonlove #1542485 12/19/05 09:22 PM
Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 296 T TryAgain Member
TryAgain Member T Joined: Mar 2004 Posts: 296	Pep - Thanks for sticking around and helping us that are early or mid-way through this trauma. May you have many more years of a happy and fulfilling marriage with Mr. Pep.

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... TryAgain #1542486 12/20/05 02:08 AM
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,885 LaLa Land T tucktummy Member
tucktummy Member T Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,885 LaLa Land	Bah, humbug.

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... tucktummy #1542487 12/20/05 04:34 AM
Joined: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,387 C cc46 Member
cc46 Member C Joined: Nov 2004 Posts: 1,387	Even though december the 26th will always be a special day for me too,(plan B) I hope that it will be bittersweet some day and not only sad. Congratulations and thank you for being such a helpful person. You do a lot for all of us on these boards. cc "Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... TryAgain #1542488 12/20/05 05:05 AM
Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 215 C Carolyn73 Member
Carolyn73 Member C Joined: Jul 2005 Posts: 215	pep, you give me hope. i hope i am where you are in 10 years (preferably sooner though!) BW -33 (Me) WH-38 M- 4 years/together 10 OC (girl) born 03/03 D-Day 08/02 True friends stab you in the front - Oscar Wilde

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... Pepperband #1542489 12/20/05 05:31 AM
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 748 L losttranslation Member
losttranslation Member L Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 748	Congratulations Pep and Mr. Pep! Thanks for sticking around and giving us miserable ones still in the middle of this crap inspiration! Me BS 44 XH 45 M 20 years D19 D12 DDay 11.29.04 Separated 12.29.04 Plan A 24.02.05 Plan B 10.9.05 Plan D 2.2.06 Divorce 13.6.06 OW - former friend and D12's x-godmother (Skunkypoo) OWH - philander, XH's former best friend (still shares skunkypoo with XH) Anger = drinking a rat poison and waiting/wishing the rat would notice you drink it and the rat die from it. Redhat

Re: December 26th .... 10 years later .... losttranslation #1542490 12/20/05 06:36 AM
Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,885 LaLa Land T tucktummy Member
tucktummy Member T Joined: Apr 2005 Posts: 2,885 LaLa Land	You know I was joking - right? Amazing that you have stuck around here so long dishing out wonderful advice. Are you on their payroll? You should be. TT

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Marriage Builders Forums Our Archives Archived Read-Only Posts Inactive: General Questions December 26th .... 10 years later ....

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