I often wonder, did my Stbxh ever hurt like I did when our marriage fell apart? Did he ever cry and wonder why? Did he ever think he made a mistake by running off with the OW? Did he ever shed a tear over not seeing his children?

I have a hard time imagining he did. I don't think my Stbxh ever, felt bad...or hurt. He crawled with his mistress right away. He didn't even let his arms get cold...

I do hope that someday, it will come back at him...and his OW will go back to her husband. (that she left for mine)

I do hope that someday he will cry...for what he didn't try to save...our marriage, our future, our life...

I hope that someday he will regret not loving me, like I loved him.

Who cares if he hurts or not.

Stop thinking of him and worry about YOU.

There is a big world out there.

Re-discover it.

wendieann,

I know those feelings.

As I just posted on another thread, I have read that a huge majority of spouses who leave their S for an A partner eventually do regret it. My own sister's affair marriage is close to ending now. She recently voluntarily told me that she regrets the end of her first marriage. She said that she knows now that no other man will ever love her the way that her first husband did. She said all this before I told her about most WS's having regrets. I feel bad for my sister, but I think Dr. Phil's saying is now ringing true for her ("If they will do it with you, they will do it to you.) Her current husband (who cheated with her on her first husband) is cheating on her, she believes.

So, I think many if not most WS's do feel bad eventually . My own WH, who is still with OW, sent this text to me recently: "U have no idea how much u meant and still mean to me. U also will never know how much I hurt for what i've done to you." Shortly before this, I had told him that it felt like our 17 years together meant nothing to him. His response was something like, "Do you not think that I lie in bed every night and think about what I have done?"

So, I know WH thinks about things and is sad about things. But yet he remains with OW. So who knows?

The sad thing is that by the time many WS's come around, we BS's have already left/given up/moved on after fighting so long and hard for our M's ... and then it's just too late.

I think about this a lot.

My STBX has never shown the slightest sign of regret or remorse since he left us very unexpectedly in April and moved straight in with the OW.

Our girls were distraught - they thought we were so happy (so did I!).

All I have left of the M now is the hope that he will one day regret what he has done. I no longer want him back. But the way he acts towards me now, it's as if I'm the one who had an affair and left (he's very angry and bitter).

I've had enough of him. But a sorry would be nice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Just wanted to add that my STBX is very angry about the exposure I did. He told me 'Alphin, you've done some very bad things,' and shook his head at me as if I was a naughty child he was very disappointed in.

I exposed to OW's parents - telling them that the 'wonderful boyfriend' their daughter was seeing was actually a hard-drinker who had abandoned his sick wife and young children for their daughter.

Didn't go down too well with OW. Still shaking his head sadly, WH said that because of my letter, OW was 'rather angry' with me. Of course, I have no feelings of anger towards OW for stealing my H and breaking my children's hearts! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The way he twists the truth so that I am wrong and he is utterly justified leaves me speechless. I've given up trying to talk to him - he just makes me mad, and every word that comes out of his mouth causes me to lose more respect for him.

Stupid WS's!

Alph.

Thanks...I don't want my STBX back either, but I hope he regrets it...

If they don't hurt like us, then why would we hurt over them?

My told me she was overcome with guilt. She felt so guilty, she got a new boyfriend.

Every man I have ever known that has left for another woman, at some point, starts contacting the BS. Just you wait and see.

Anyone with a shred of conscience would feel bad. The hurt may come later... when a relationship, especially a marriage, is broken, both parties hurt though the intensity of hurt may be different for the two spouses at different stages.

There will be days when he is confused, and do not know if OW is 'right' for him. If she has cheated on her husband, she might cheat on him as well... a relationship with a person who is good at lying, cheating and hiding secrets is not a very secure relationship.

He may also leave OW and wander from one relationship to another hoping to find 'true love' never realising what 'true love' and responsibility is... his love will always be shallow.


Oh he will. There will be bad days, days when he fights with OW and wish you were there for him, doing the loving things you do, days he wish he never left the certainty of your love. He will regret losing someone who loved him. The grass is always green on the other side, remember? If he has compared OW with you during the A, and I am certain he has, he will compare you with OW during their rough times.

He will think of the good days and the good parts of the marriage and wished he didn't give up so quickly.

If his relationship with OW doesn't work out, and he hurts, he will think of you, who loved him through good and bad times, and regret what he has done.

Alphin took the words right out of my mouth. My STBXW has treated me like I am the one who did something wrong and continues to attack me anyway she can. She has told me she hates me and she can't wait for the divorce to over and how happy she is with the OM and how much better he is than I am. The cruelty after the affair and the mind games have actually put the affair in the back seat. She has degraded me and made me question the person I am. Her family even backs me which is the only reason I have been able to deal with abuse.
I, too, hope one day she will look back and say "What did I do?" But tragically it always seems to come too late.

You can be sure that for seed time there is a harvest time. Or as my grandmother would say what comes around also goes around. My little sister says it karma.

Yes he will hurt one day.

I've cheated on a fiance before. I felt awful about it. Yet I was SOOOOOO confused. I thought I was in love with both. That was 12-15 years ago and I still think about it and wished I would not have done that, he was a very good man.

no they don't, because they are selfish, manipulative people, who forget the past, and don't understand the present or the future. . .

the are simpleminded, hedonistic, and just generally suffer from a few disorders or dysfunctions or two. . .

live your life well, regardless of how they live theirs. . . and I agree with the others, NO, i wouldn't take her back, and even my kids agree. . .

wiftty

LOL! Wifty, that is soooo TRUE!!!

I used to have a lot of questions, much like wendiann's.

Then I realise what an @$$ho WS has been. Does he think about me? No, I don't think so... does he wonder about my feelings?... definitely not! Does he care whether I am safe, can I manage on my own? No No NO! Has he moved on? Yup! So why am I wasting time asking these questions. He cares about himself more than he does me!

If he doesn't appreciate me, then that's his loss!
I should do a good job caring for myself!!

No they don't. Not ever do they hurt like us, nor will they ever hurt like us. Being a loyal committed spouse and being betrayed, cheated, stolen from, being thrown out of your own home, made a visitor to your children ...

Even if they suffered the same fate later, they will never hurt like us. Because ....


THEY ARE NOT LIKE US