I am going to just copy the post I made on another site. I just don't have the energy to rewrite everything. Please tell us the steps to take next. Thank you all.

The OC was born early this morning. When I came home from visiting an uncle in the hospital, my H was sitting in the den looking very low. He told me that the OW had called his old cell phone and left a message that she had the OC and wanted him to call her. Her H called and left a message on the cell phone as well to call him. We are going to call him tomorrow. My H also told me that he had about 3 or 4 Text-messages, probably from the OW. He can't read them, his cell phone is on the blink, which is why he got a new one. We specifically requested that all C be made by mail, ok, so she wanted to call with the OC's birth information, why call the cell phone, why not call the house phone, better yet, leave it to her H to call. I just can't stand her. It still shows a level of secretness. She just won't call this house. She wants no part of me, actually that is a good thing.

I have been wondering how I would feel. I don't feel anything, yet. I don't feel mad, bad, sad or anything other than relief. The unknown is about to be known. That helps alot. My H was a bit down. I asked him to talk to me to tell me how he was feeling. I was ready and prepared for him to say that he wanted C. I don't know why, but I just thought the fact that the child was born it would give him a change of heart. He was down because of the situation, but he was steadfast on NC, steadfast. We will contact our Deacon to inform him of the birth and then we will C her H. My H and I have discussed what we will say. We will inform them that we received their messages. We will await the court ordered paternity test. We have no intention to do anything until papers are served. Afterwhich, we will then go and see an attorney and then go from there. We will also inform him to please inform his wife, no more calls or text-messages. We also choose not to speak to him any further.

Well ladies, the moment of truth has arrived. Please tell me if we are going about things in a legal matter. I'm o.k. and so is my H. I have many of you to thank for that. Please keep us in your prayers.

Crazyhurt,

I'm glad your H remains steadfast about no contact. Mine has as well, even after 4 months after OC was born. You can see the level of respect (disrespect) that the (ST)OW will have for your marriage. Why NOT call your house? Same as the OW in our situation, she wants it all mushy gushy secret-secret with my H, not out in the open handled as mature adults with us as a TEAM, MARRIED COUPLE, UNIT, UNIFIED FRONT. She wants no part of THAT. Doesn't bode well for future contact is our feeling.

Good luck, you are in my prayers.
MSA

MSA

Mrs. Stowaway,

Thank you for your sentiments. They are needed and appreciated.

I'm sorry for your pain.

Hugs,
J

{{{{{{{{Crazyhurt}}}}}}}}}}

It's gotta be a tough time for you and your H right now. Be there for each other, to comfort, to calm, to reassure and to strengthen.

Reread the POJA and BE SURE you BOTH follow it EXACTLY---take NO action without the ENTHUSIASTIC agreement of your spouse.

Stay strong and take care of yourself!

Crazy:

Sounds like you're dealing with things logically. I wouldn't bother reading the text messages, unless you need them for legal things.

Boy, I wouldn't want to wait for papers to be served. I'd want to get it over with now. I don't know why they wouldn't either.

You don't have to see each other to have the testing done. The hospital can take the swabs from mom and baby right there and your H can go in and do it seperatley. I'm certain, if done at the hospital, it'll stand up in court.

Take care, but be prepared for ups and downs in emotions with both you and your H.

hey babe,

i responded to you on another board but i wanted to you to know that i am thinking of you.

(((((((((crazy)))))))))

Thank you all. I truly appreciate it. We both took off from work today. We plan on calling her H. When all of this came out we told the H not to call us, but to write us. We even said that if Contact was crucial for HIM to call. 2 or 3 months ago the OW text-messaged my H, and then she called yesterday and text-messaged about 3 times. Of course she won't call the house, only his cell phone. I don't think her H knows about the Text-messages made earlier, but they were to inform my H of the sex of the child. I'm going to be on the other end of the phone when we call her H, but it's going to take all that I have to keep my mouth shut.

crazy,

Since you're both off work today it might be a good time to contact and secure a lawyer. Then any and ALL contact regarding the OC can be communicated through your lawyer. Be VERY very careful about ANY phone calls between you and/or your H and the xOW and/or her H. It's an extremely emotional time right now for all involved and highly unlikely anything constructive will be accomplished.

Hold tight to your H and support each other!! It's gonna be rough for awhile.

{{{{Crazyhurt}}}}}

Just wanted to stop in to offer you my support. I have read your story on other threads/ posts and my heart is going out to you and yours.

Hugs,

hello crazyhurt,

im sorry this is all happening right now im sure you didnt expect it so soon.
i just want to say that it still seems to me that her h is still legal father because of being married. maybe they are just trieng to get money from you.
have you looked at the time frame being baby early.
i just dont trust this, maybe your h should request the test just to get it over with. as long as you all arnt sure the longer they can hold this over you.
goodluck to you, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Hello all, here is the update. The OW text-messaged my H 11 times this morning. I called her, and told her that we received the message that the OW was born, and for her not to text-message my H any more. She then informed me that she called because she needed my H's Social Security #. I told her that we haven't even established paternity yet. There is no way that she would get his SS#. She then flipped out on me. It took every ounce of my being not to go off. Needless to say, we spoke with some ladies (OW's and BW's) on the Otherchild message board, got a consultation with our attorney, called the OW's H and went from there. She upset me so today, that I began to tremble while on the phone with her. After speaking with the attorney, they informed us that the OW's H is the legal father of the child, secondly no SS# is needed to solicit a paternity test, and lastly, we don't have to have any C. So we are getting prepared financially to retain an attorney which we will do as soon as the Paternity papers come.

This has truly been a day....

Thank you all for your kind words, prayers and unlimited support. We need it.

good for you for doing it legally!

Good luck with everything!

Thank you so much. Every sentiment helps.

hello ch,

i want to tell you what i read on a fathers rights forum, a man wrote in saying hed been married 18 yrs is noww divorced and and is being charged for back cs. he claims that is xw had had many affairs during that time and believes some of the children are not his, he contacted attorny who told him it doesnt matter because they were married at the time makes him responsible. i feel bad for him, but that could be good for you.
anyway let us know what your attorney said, if you dont like what they say get another opinion, goodluck

Hi Crazy! How's it going? Have you heard anything else from OW and her H? My wish for you is that they decide that the $$ isn't worth the hassle, but likely they will come after you. I'm glad you're going about this legally, H and you are clearly in POJA and that you are waiting for them to make the first move. If OW weren't M I'd say that you and your H make the first move, but in this case I think there's nothing to do until her H legally questions P, I think he has like a year or two and then he won't be able to. Perhaps that's why he is pursuing this as well, so he doesn't end up like the guy in the above post years down the road. Take care and give us an update on how your situation is going. I know when I was a "newbie" around here, it always helped me when I read the deatils about how others dealt with their situations. Best Wishes and have a Happy New Year!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hello colddayinjuly and all the ladies,

It has been quiet as a church mouse. I'm sure they are up to something, and we'll soon find out what, but we are ready and prepared.

I think the OW thought it would be easier than its turning out to be. She has her work cut out for her, we'll be in that position soon enough, so let her tough it out. It's good for her.