Alrighty, i think we got a setback coming my way. Not sure if to believe it though. Alot of people know my story so im not going to throw in the details. Anyways my husband after I found out about his A gave me access to everything and I dont check up on him as often as i used to we are making great progress. Well last night i figured out his password to AIM he didnt change, i never asked for the password i just typed something in and boom it was it! Well I get an IM from this girl i knew who she was i've heard about her in my town, shes the town ******! So im pretending to be my husband and she was wanting to know if he was back from Iraq and when he was coming back.
I asked her why still being my husband and she goes o nothing. Then she asked if we still had this car. It was a really nice car a 2001 Pontiac Trans Am everyone knew that we had it, it was the only one in this hick town! Then she asks if he was still being faithful to me! So I said that he (being him still) got caught and it woke my eyes up and everything to what a wonderful wife etc... Then she said something about him being worthless and all this other stuff. Then i just got so mad at her and popped off and told her who i was. She QUICKLY changed her attitude. I've asked my husband several different times if he ever did anything with this girl, he has said no. This girl says otherwise. I"ve asked people that they both worked with and they both have said no. She said it was right under my eyes the hole time. Keep in mind this is when we first started dating back in the 12th grade this would have happened! So i dont even know if i should deal with this. I can see my husband being friends with her, at the time we were both going on 19 and she was 15 so thats statitory rape in PA im pretty sure. SO now this girl is being my bestfriend everytime im online telling me to get rid of my husband and stuff.
Everyone at were the both worked before my husband joined the service told me that this girl wanted my husband (bf at the time) but he never gave her the time of day. I asked my husband bestfriend who knows him better then i do esp at these things said no, she mentioned something about starting something between the two of you and surely enough she has. I dont want to say something to my husband if its not true. She said the times that they would have been together were times when i was at work and he was watching our infant son at the time. Now, we lived with my parents so actually my parents would watch our son bc he worked 11:30-8 and he would come home and sleep. Until he had to go to work. SO he wasnt the greatest father then. My parents were home too all the time so its not like he would bring this girl back. There were hardly EVER anytimes that we werent together the only time being when he worked and he would walk in the door at 8:15 every morning. So i dont know what to do. Should i bother asking him about this or just let it slide. It hasnt bothered me i've heard it before and i snooped snooped snooped and nothing! So what should i do?

Well I think I would realize that she may be wanting to start a little trouble. She apparently knows he is coming home soon.

I think I would be truthful with him and tell him about talking with her and her accusations. I probably wouldn't do it immediately though. I think the two of you need some time together, and can take a small break from all of this.

Others here might not agree. But to me, the fact that he is safely home needs to be celebrated without more questions and discussions.

Let it go. I know it is not easy, but let it go.

If you are like me it is going to be in your head, so I think if I were you, I would in a very non accusing way send him an email, say something like how much your trust has increased in him. Tell him that in the process of your snooping, a necessary part of recovery, that while you were on his AIM, she IMed you. Tell him that she asked if he was still being faithful. To me, that sounds like she may have tried but he never went for it. Tell him you are trusting him to have told you the truth about her. Remind him how much his openness and honesty means to you. Then, let it go.

You two have a whole new world opening up for you with him coming home. Don't think about it as set back. Think about it as a time to trust him and for that trust to go.

I think she is a very immature, maniputalive person. DO NOT let her have a hold on you.

Believer and Moveforward:

Thanks guys! I dont believe anything this girl told me last night. I knew he had been friends with her and that doesnt bother me. He has done alot to start earning my trust back but he still doesnt have that yet, got a LONG time before that comes back. This just caught me off guard. I have asked him before about her. She is probably just wanting to start trouble with us knowing that I caught him and just wanted to add fuel to the fire. Most likely i will just let this go until the time is right to bring it up. I dont want to swamp him with everything when he comes home.

He has been very honest and open with me, now its my turn to be and tell him i figured his password out for AIM he might get a little mad but there wasnt anything to hide on there. I told my mom she knew something was bothering me and she goes just ask him about it. She doesnt believe it for a second, she could tell something was wrong when he was home lsat time and i found out. O this girl says she has changed that she is no longer the EC ****** LOL I just dont see that happening. I just needed to hear that this isnt something worth bothering to look into right now. Well ih ave to run taking the kids to a christmas party fun fun fun! Thanks you guys!!!!

"Still being faithful to me"

If that's her quote then apparently she has been told before to back off. "Still" implies that he has been faithful before.

She is just playing games with you. She thinks she can manipulate men and women alike with her caniving evilness.

When you discuss it with your husband tell him you were relieved it was only her and that he is a beautiful man that no doubt gets hit on by many women and your glad that he is yours. Warn him to be careful of womens agenda's...they may seem friendly at first but guess what this sleeze was trying to get me to believe ...blah, blah, blah...just so she could try to steal you from me. You are such a hunk...then gooble him up.

Men want to be liked. Men need their wives to feed their egos and if they don't they will get them stroked elsewhere. It's human nature. You can not stop women from hitting on/flirting with your man...only he can redirect their approaches and make those choices. Try to get him to be careful and understand how women work and realize the danger. The better equipped your military man is emotionally the more likely he will have a successful mission.

Don't assume he is knows how to be a good husband...work together to teach yourselves what it means to be a good wife and husband.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

The_Wonderings:

I do believe he is being faithful to me now and the whole time while we were dating. There werent "signs" of him seeing another girl. If there was it was in the VERY beginning of our relationship and that was almost 6yrs ago. I highly doubt that. This girl would have been 15 at the time. When he comes home which right now people he is in Kuwait being debriefed and all the happy crap he says. I will let him know what this girl is trying to do. She did mention that they were to get together sometime last year while we were home for one of the holidays and he told her NO!
I have seen the emails from her to him. Saying that I am going to start trouble with you and your wife. He got higly defensive and got ticked off at her and told her to blow herself and stuff. I seen the emails. Another thing this girl did was she lied to her bestfriend and told her that she slept with her boyfriend. Well i know the guy and asked him and he said he never did that so it just goes to show what kind of trouble she is bringing to people. Thankfully I know where this girl lives, where she works and all that stuff people have told me. So she just is trying to cause alot of people un-neccesary grief....O yes she is moving about 3hrs north of her so she wont even be in the same town! Did i mention she asked me to be friends with her?! I really hate girls like this

Talked to FWH today through email. I did what you guys told me to do, he isnt upset that I got on his AIM name. He wrote me back and I asked who this girl was and he told me exactly what you guys told me. That she was trying to manipulate me into getting me to sleep with her.. So i aint worrying about this girl anymore! Just thought i'd let you know!