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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3 |
I have been married for almost 6 years. We were separated for a time last year do to other marrital problems. Right after we separated my husband had an affair. I just found out about it a couple of days ago. Turns out she had a baby four months ago. He claims they used bc and it cannot be his. He also says she has been blackmailing him because she wants to be with him. Turns out the child is also really sick.
My H says he wants to be with me and our kids no matter what it takes. I told him no more contact with the OW. He said he had no problem with that.
My question is how involved do I need to get with making sure the OW knows I do not want her contacting us anymore?
My H hasn't said anything about getting a paternity test so should we wait till we get a court order?
I need some advice!
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380
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Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380 |
Hi HB,
Advice should be of the legal kind.You first have to establish paternity and if you and your H agree not to have contact with this OW then go completely through Lawyers.If the child turns out not to be your H's then problem solved.If it is,then you can make arrangements for CS(and visitation if your H wants to be involved) but again,it should all be through legal channels.This OW is a threat to your marriage so you both need to decide how you want to handle this if the unborn child is his.
Remember to keep a united front through all this.You need to support one another especially if the OW starts pulling all kinds of tricks and scams.
Good Luck.
O
BW(me)40
DDay 10/11/03
Divorcing
'The Reformer'- enneagram type 1
~Let Higher Minds Prevail~
---------------
~Life isn't complicated,we make it that way~
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 270
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Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 270 |
I'm so sorry that your going through this. My H's OC was born yesterday. I would go through legal channel's. My H and I also have NC with the OW or the OC. We will await paternity testing and then go through the courts.
Legally is best. There are many ladies and some gentlemen here that can be very helpful.
April - Affair
May - OW tells H that she's pregnant
June - OW's H calls to inform me of affair and pregnancy
August - Present - Working diligently on marriage. In counseling at church.
December - OC Born - NO CONTACT!
May - DNA TEST NEGATIVE - MY H IS NOT THE FATHER. THANK GOD.
My new Title - BS w/ OCS (Betrayed Wife with Other Child Scare)
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401 |
HB,
Welcome to MB. Sorry that you have a need to be here but glad you ARE here.
You probably HAVE to wait for a court order for a paternity test. Your husband can't ask for one.
I would advise a couple of things after first reading about the MB principles:
A. Counselling - NOW not later.
B. Get your POJA written.
C. Talk to a lawyer. Know your rights and obligations in your state. Don't guess at what they 'might' be. Know the facts.
D. Sit down with hubby and write that NC letter together. Present a united front.
E. Keep posting.
-Fluke
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3 |
Thanks for the advice. I am going to sit down with my H tonight and let him know that we need to write a NC letter. I guess we will wait to see how the OW takes it.
My H said she also has a 3 year old and the father of that child is still around so maybe she will back off.
Is it wrong for me to want to have him call her up while I am present so I can hear him tell her that I know and she is not to have contact anymore?
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 215
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 215 |
it is not wrong, it is perfectly normal.
i am sorry you are in this situation. take note of the advice you have recevied above and you will be ok.
hugs
carolyn
BW -33 (Me)
WH-38
M- 4 years/together 10
OC (girl) born 03/03
D-Day 08/02
True friends stab you in the front - Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 3 |
I am so glad I found this site. I just needed to talk to some other people who have been in this awful situation. People who can understand how i'm feeling.
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401 |
Is it wrong for me to want to have him call her up while I am present so I can hear him tell her that I know and she is not to have contact anymore? No, it's not "Wrong" but I would make sure an actual letter was written and sent by the two of you. That way you're sure that your point has been made clearly and without rebuttal or arguing. Keep a copy for yourself and send a copy via certified mail to the OW. Even talking on the phone to deliver a NC message is breaking NC. It might be best to only send this one letter and forget the phone call. As always, it's your choice. This is just my experience and opinion talking. No matter how you do it I would strongly suggest that you put something in writing. -Fluke
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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