Will my STBX ever apologise for hurting me and destroying his family?

I suppose it is early days yet - he's still deep in the fog - but going on for nine months is a long time to wait for me.

I don't want him to say he's coming back. I don't want him to say he's made a mistake. I just want him to say - I'm sorry I hurt you so much.

It would make such a difference. But it seems like it will never happen.

He's so angry with me now, and I don't really know why. It might be the effects of exposure, or he might be p!ssed at me for going NC on him, or perhaps he isn't as happy as he expected to be, and is blaming it on me.

DD5 told me that every picture she has done for him is on display in their house. The girls photos are everywhere. It's like he's created a shrine.

It's the time of year. I actually feel pity for him that he's missing out on Christmas with them. He obviously misses them hugely.

I wish he missed me - just a bit. And I wish he was a little sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

(((((Alphin)))))

I know how you feel.

I think that it is not possible for a WS to look all the pain and destruction in the face. Their ability to deny it and sweep it under the carpet is one of the very keys to their ability to even become a WS. It is part of the rationalization. I think even that all that pain and destruction is one of the reasons that keeps them a WS. First when the BS does a good bit of the clean-up and repair work, is the WS even able to look in the direction of the BS. As weak and destroyed as we may feel, we are the ones with integrity and strength.

My H has only said he was sorry once in our entire marriage and that is when he was busted in MC for doing a very mean and spiteful act. I could imagine that my WH NEVER says he is sorry for this. Even well into recovery.Hopefully his actions will speak for him.

How true that is, though it's taken me a long time to realise it. Thanks, LT.

Alph.

Alph

Squid told me she felt the compulsion to apologise welling up within her under pressure BUT if she apologised it was an INTERNAL and public admission that her behaviour had been wrong and deliberate. She convinced herself it was a 'romantic' thing like in the movies, and so nothing as wrong as knowingly destroying a two families and a good man's heart. So didn't need apology.

This is like entitlement AFTER the fact.

If it helps one day, a year after d-day Squid's cap burst and she was wracked with sobs and apologised very profusely to me. In Nando's unfortunately.


I believe that WS extend their affairs after the 'rush' has gone in order to convince themselves its a 'relationship' not an affair and that a very strong mix of entitlement, selfishness , fear and pride prevents WS from coming clean and coming home.

That's my $0.02.

Alph your WH will always be wayward while he is with Tartilla IME. His loss is, you will almost certainly have moved on a slammed the door by that time.

ALl blessings mate.

I think that this is very true and well said, b0b.

A WS will NEVER apologize for hurting a BS or anyone who stands in the way of the A. Not even the family pet.

Don't expect it and you won't be disappointed.

As for settling for just an apology, while I used to feel that way. Once I got it, I realized quickly that was not enough. Don't lower your expectations. It doesn't no good.

Instead keep your expectations of him at a decent and fair level. One where you don't have to stoop over which puts you as the BS in a compromising position.

L.

well said b0b and Orchid.

My WS has apologised but so what? They are empty words not backed by true remorse. They are still justifed by entitlement and the "romance" the of A, like b0b's Squid. He feels he has the right to make himself "happy".

Who's to argue with that?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I agree with bob,orchid ,and ashley. My ww apoligized to me alot by saying she is sorry. I told her to keep your sorrys they mean nothing to me but words. Change your behavior and then say your sorry and I'll accept your sorry for what it is.

Alphin,

I heard the "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you." last week in a phone call. But the words were just hollow for me. They meant nothing, I don't believe for one minute he is sorry at this point.

I think it was something he said to try and make me feel better and make himeself look like a good guy.

I feel I will know when he truly means it, if he ever says it again. The actions will back up his words of sorrow. So for now any sorry I get means nothing until he really shows true remorse. And who knows that day may never happen.

My FWH and I are in the process of recovery. Two years later and I still bear the scars and the pain can still bring me to a place that is unbearable. During the particularly bad times, which are thankfully farther and farther apart, my H never fails to tell me he is sorry. While I appreciate the words, they only mean something to me because his actions back them up. If you were to hear those words from your H at this point in time, I'm pretty sure that they would be meaningless. Not that it means anything, but I am sorry that you and your girls have suffered over his rotten behaviour and I hope that the new year brings you hope and joy.........