And it gets better!

Just a quick background for those of you who dont know my story. 4 Years ago i started an online affair. I ended up leaving my husband (though not for this guy), taking 4 of our 7 children with me. During our time apart I dated and ended up having a PA with a friend. After 15 months apart I came to my senses and returned home, only to find that he had experimented with his bisexual tendencies , and become homosexual. It was not an easy situation. he harboured a lot of resentment and felt that he too now had a right to his freedom to experiment. 3 months after I returned he had a one night stand with a guy who had offered him support and friendship.

So much has happened since then. basically I put into effect the biggest PlanA you have ever seen! There was no 6 month time limit on this one. I had hurt my husband very very deeply. he was often cutting and very unkind to me. he offered me no physical affection at all (my principal need). we would ahve sex occasionally but that became less and less as he became more and more involved in his online groups and with his online friends.

I did set boundaries. he knew that if he had anopterh PA that I would leave and so he simply didnt. he felt trapped by me.

We took up a new hobby together of sequence dancing ( we had danced when were at university). This ended up being 2 nights a week. We made friends through thsi (before we had always been content to ahve each otehr and noone else). Slowly we began doing everything together, just as we always had. Still my husband wouldnt let me close to him and refused me affection and would often make unkind remarks.

I read up a lot of homosexulaity and the possibility of change. I knew it certainly was possible. I signed up for a support group from my church of women with husbands with same sex attraction. I became very prayerful.

For a logn time I didnt seem to get any pay off. I woudl ache to be held by my husband and just to get a crmub of affection from him. Overall though I felt peaceful and calm. I knew that this was teh rigth route to be taking. This inner peace was what kept me going. Im sure teh prozac also helped a lot!

Over time there have been many changes in our home. The children seem to finally have settled down and largely stopped fighting (though they do have their days!). through flylady.net we have relative domestic order (nothing liek operfect but a LOT better than it used to be).

Just a few weeks ago my husband told me how much better a wife i am now than I used to be

recently however I have seen so many changes in him. All are small but none are insignificant.

About 4 montsh ago he simply stopped chatting with an aim of making new friends.

About a month ago he decided to leave all but one of teh pro gay yahoo groups that he belonged to . These had taken up a massive amount of his time and made him into a very angry man. he realised that he wasnt benefitting from them in teh way that he hoped ( he felt the need to make friends and it wasnt happening......homosexual men often have a past of failed relationship with male figures in tehir lives and feel teh need for male companionship...often they sexualise this).

Then an old friend who was in school with him, who is a catholic priest renewed his friendship. he has problems making disinterested friends and so my hsuband (who isnt catholic) was ideal. he also renewed an online friendship with a mutual heterosexual friend of both of us. The guy is having marriage problems and Kevin recommended...His needs , Her needs!!!!!!

last week he blocked 2 homosexula friends who have officially been "very supportive " of him. hehad a silly excuse for it but it seems that he is slowly trying to back away from hsi friends and contacts who have thsi lifestyle.

In teh meantime he has begun to hold my hand in public for teh first time in teh 2 years that Ive been back. he has also begun to hold me in bed when I ask for a hug. before it would be a 2 mionute thing but the otehr night we fell asleep in each otehrs arms.

I dont know where thios is heading. i just know that I feel at peace with myself and with teh Lord. By thsi perpetual PlanA scenario I have learned to be patient and giving and to enjoy it.

It has truly been a learning curve for me. we are not out of teh dark yet, i still dont knwo if we will make it, but I do know that through marriage builders, and relying on teh Lord that teh last two years have improved me as a wife and as a mother. I have more growing and learning to do.

I promise to update again if anythign else significant happens. again thankyou for all yoru wonderful love and support during thsi long process.

have a wonderful Christmas all of you.

Love

Debra xx

It like he finally realised that eh coudl relate to heterosexual men after all. he had feared that homosexual

Wow, what a comeback, Debra. It just shows how powerful relying on the Lord and Plan A can be.

I remember you Debbra. It was a story that 'stood out' from the crowd if you don't mind me saying! I hope you both continue to make progress in your marriage. TT

Deb,

I hope it stays on the right path for you. It does sound promising but your not out of the woods yet.

Could I ask what made you decide to go back to your husband? Was it something that just clicked or something else?