Hey Guys......Response appreciated.....

WW and I have been separated since March 2004. We talk and get along well but we do not date. Share custody of 15 yr old son. And we mostly talk about issues concerning his care. Lately she has been asking me to attend bdays and holiday with her and her parents. Some i have some I have not.

But, today son told me WW/Mom is away on a trip w/ fiends. I think to myself: the week before xmas and she leaves our son w/ her parents, doesn't tell me, and she is with friends. Yea right <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I called her, and left a message. She called me back and I asked her when was she coming back, she wouldn't say, who was she with, she wouldn't say. I asked if she was w/ OM, she wouldn't say. I know I shouldn't of asked, but something made me ask.

I asked her if she wants a D, she said it seems like that is where we are headed. Then she said she wanted a D, (fog). She said she would call me when she got home. Part of me wants to talk w/ her again and another part of me (that is getting bigger) wants not to. I have been checking into lawyers since then. Getting ready. But, I it is still hard to take that step to file the D. I got that Doormat feeling again after feeling good about myself for a long time. Man I hate that feeling. These WS's are good at this.

Thanks for the ear/eyes!

r

DD 8/2001
M = 24 yrs
Plan A/B
Sep = march 04
2 sons: 15 and 21

Welcome to Marriage Builders. Have you read up on the information at this site, not just these discussion forums? There's a lot that can be learned about improving oneself, regardless of which direction your marriage goes. I'm looking at your sig line, and it's not clear by reading just that what/how you've done with Plan A/B (even though you mention it). Obviously with a 25 year marriage, there are probably more things to consider than a shorter marriage might have.

Another question came to my mind - why did you say no to some of the invitations she gave for b'days and holidays? Could she have taken your "no" as a lack of interest? Does her family know that their daughter had an A? Is this the main reason why you separated?

Don't get too discouraged about responses to your post. There is less traffic here around the holidays.

Thanks for the quick resonse avondale25!

Yes, I have read the info on the site and a couple of the books. All very good information and that increased my understanding of myself, relationships and A's.

Plan A'd my butt off for a long time. Maybe to long. Hindsight is 2020 u know <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I should have moved to Plan B earlier but.... Met a lot of Emotional Needs in Plan A. Money was a big need for the WW. Worked overtime every week for a couple of years. She would agree to the No Contact letter but when it came time to write it, nothing ever happened.

Yes, she may have taken my no thanks to attending her Bday that way. but just the week before friends saw her w/ OM so I wasn't up to it.

Told her Mother about her A. Mother seemed to listen. Said, her daughter never thinks things thru, just does it. Her father wouldn't believe it when I told him about the A. Her brothers understood and look at her in a different light now.

The A and her continued contact w/ the OM is the reason I asked he to leave/separate.

r