after almost a month of no contact, OW text messaged my husband, again, to let him know she has an appointment with a specialist in January. Of course here we go again with the does he even care about his child, and so forth. It has been one thing after another, after another. I don't know what to believe and what not to believe. My poor husband doesn't know how to feel and won't even show me any of his feelings. Hes trying so hard to keep me happy.

From the beginning, she seems to have had problems, most of which I think was just trying to get my husband to go to her, she was always begging for him to come see her, go to the Dr with her, etc... We have had it all, The baby is too big, something on the heart, spots on the kidneys, I forget what all. Most things seemed to fade away, except for the kidneys. She is now being sent to a pediatric urologist. She has had more ultrasounds than I can count, so she says. I find myself stuck between what I feel and what i think is right.

I see my husband wondering and worrying about his child and not asking her any questions, showing any feelings or emotions on the issue, because of me. In one respect it makes me feel great, because I feel like he is being true to me and putting me first. Yet in the other respect, It kills me to see him hurting. But I don't want him having anymore contact with OW until it has to be. He can't do anything, its just the not knowing. But if he ever asks, then I know she'll be calling him again all the time and I just don't think I'm ready for that yet. We just ended the evrytime his text rang, our hearts sank. The child is due in Feb, and it took until last month to get away from the atleast once a week contact.

Any suggestions? She's not as bad as I read some of your OW are, but it was so much easier not wondering what she was going to come up with next.

I have thought about telling my husband to call and find out where the Dr appt is and tell her he wants to be there. She has not asked for him to go since he put his foot down and told her that he would not go to anything without me. I would be there of course, but I think I could handle sitting in the car. How much could she distract him sitting in the Dr Office. Is that a really bad idea? Neither one of us have seen her since she told him she was 8wks pg. I have only ever seen her once. Somebody HELP!!!!!

IMHO - No contact until after the baby is born. Then get the paternity test done and go from there. Spell out what you need to happen in a NC letter sent certified, return receipt and tell her if she continues to harass you with unwanted phone calls, text messages etc., you'll pursue legal action.

I don't recall your story, but your H has NO obligation to support her during the pregnancy. There's not a damned thing he can do if the baby has problems before he/she is born. Now, if you choose C and after paternity is established, that's a whole different story.

Assuming, without remembering your story, she chose this route in the pregnancy, knowing that the MM didn't want to be involved, she gets to live with it. Her friends, family, pregnancy crisis people, etc. etc. can support her needs - - NOT your H.

You and your H have your relationship and family to think about period.

hello,

we also have ow with hard pregnancy, been in hospital a few times not dew untill mar but alredy having contactions. wants my h to show he cares about baby and call and see how shes doing. h doesnt want anything to do with her untill oc is here. she just doesnt get that that he isnt here for her. i agree with ians. there is no reason for the h to be there they are responsible to oc only.our ow claims that she doesnt want h so why does she want him to call and check on her .
anyway hang in there, ill keep you in my prayers

Why don't these OW just sign a Release of Informtation at each dr. visit so written information can be sent to the MM, IF he wants it? No contact....no going for appointments...but still being kept up on wellbeing of potential OC.

Because, it's not about the OC....as we all know!

And by the way....did your WS call to check up on how you were doing when he was having an affair? Did he check in to see how your children were doing during this time? I doubt that the OW would have liked that!

For your recovery, I would recommend that you are in such a high & thorough degree of NC that you have NO IDEA if she's even having a difficult pregnancy or is even still pregnant. That's what we did, helped our M a lot.

MSA

Ditto...not your issues until paternity is established. Sorry, but she and the baby are on their own at least until paternity is determined. Has to be that way for the sake of your marriage.

OW in our case seemed to have problems everytime H didn't do something she wanted. It seemed if he told her I would be involved w/ OC, or that he would not see her, etc... that she would have complications the next day. I feel very much that the OW can use the baby to try to get your H to run to her rescue.

Oh, good grief, the OW in our case claimed stomach tubes, hemorraging, vomiting, bleeding, IVs, you name it! When he ran down to the ER to check on her everything mysteriously was SO MUCH BETTER NOW. Give me a break. She even lied about having cancer (and admitted it was a lie to FWH during the relapse!) to gain his attention, sympathy, & support. Put nothing past a desperate OW.

very well said. it is all about control in my humble opinion. NC during the pregnancy is the only way to go, legally and in terms of your relationship. there is nothing either of you could do about the oc's health anyway.

hugs

carolyn

hi all,

i just want to say thanks for all the comments on nc during p it helps me alot. there is nothing we can do and h isnt a bad guy if he doesnt jump and run, that is what her friends are for. when the oc comes then that is different if its life threatening i would expect him to jump and run with me. but untill then its not going to happen. you all make me feel better about making this choice. i dont have to feel guilty.
thanks again

jmims, hang in there im sure that like our ow she is just using oc to try to have some control over your h. my h doest fall for it hed like to hear oc okay but that it nothing he could do, and im sorry but if somthing did happen he would grieve with me not her. there is no tie between them they share a child that it. ow need to learn that. goodluck to you dont let her mess with you.