10 weeks into NC and another big setback today, which I was fully expecting following our conversations of a couple of weeks ago, where you may recall my WW believed it would be alright for her and the EA OM to be friends (I know it isn’t) and send Xmas cards. She had sneaked a card into a shopping bag and was mad at me for snooping when I carried the bag in and it had fell open and I saw it

Well got a phone call today from the OM asking to speak to my WW. I wasn’t too keen on this as I wasn’t sure whether he was still separated from his wife and on the prowl, so I asked why

He said he was pi**ed off with my WW as she had sent him THAT Xmas card which had arrived today and sent a £20 in the post last week for some piano books he had lent her and it had upset him and his wife who had been back together for 5 weeks and were recovering although shakily and wanted to tell her that there must be NC between any of us forever and to p**s off out of his life

My WW wouldn’t speak to him and hung up when I passed her the phone. So I rang back and spoke to both him and his wife who also asked to speak to my WW as she wanted to tell her to f*** off out of their lives

Afterwards I was REALLY upset and ready to walk out but didn’t. She held my hand and said she knew that she had been stupid and would now respect NC

She seemed to be coming out of the fog, and whilst there has been no SF since Dday in August, she has told me several times that she loves me and we are close and cuddle and hold each other (although only when I make the first move)

BUT NOW…..I’m so wound up I cant think straight….…..what do I do now?

I cant go plan B and spoil the kids Xmas, but its going to be ****** and the in-laws are coming tomorrow!!

Advice please

Easy.

Seek peace and pursue it.

You can ALWAYS choose to ruin a day by broaching a troublesome subject. It doesn't have to be a holiday. Pulling that trigger can be done at any time.

If you really want to reconcile, why give HER something to hate you about. Not fair, I know. But it is reality.

Simple Yin-Yang judgement call, friend. Does it really cost you to wait a few days? No. Does it really ADD to the repair of the marriage by brining it up now? No. Not any more than tomorrow.

And most importantly - the season is for the kids, anyway.

SOME situations are time sensitive. This one is not. Big thing for you to have to suck up. I know. Better get started getting mentally prepared so you don't blow it.

How to get through it? Ask yourself this - do the inlaws have so much power of you that they can MAKE you feel rotten? Think about that. --MAKE-- you feel a certain way? That's a lot of power over your life that you would be attributing to someone else.

If they are annoying, picture them as quirky, and chuckle inside.

If they are overbearing, understand they lack confidence in themselves and feel the need to impress their worth on you, and take a breather, realize it's THEM not you.

If they are generally piggish and bad guests, use that as a reminder that thank goodness you don't live with them.

Flip the coin. If you are seeing the bad side, just flip the coin over. It can be done.

NCWalker

Sorry this happened right now, but NCWalker is right.

Anyway, she probably now DOES get the message that the affair is over. In her defense - an affair is like an addiction and very hard to stop.

All of this should be getting better once she understands that it is over.