Maybe I've missed it but how's things going with him??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

yeah....?????

I must say, I've been wondering too????

Who?? Who?? Who is "him"?? What did I miss???

AGG

<in a whiney voice> I don't knowwwwwww.....

LOL

The ones I like don't like me back.... and the ones I don't like always like me. *sigh* Will I ever find true love? <she dreamily looks up at the stars>

He's nice.

I think the main problem is conversation. It's a huge EN for me, and the frequency is very low, and the quality is.... well... strange.

Las Wednesday, we were supposed to go bowling, then movies at my house. He was very late, partly due to work, then he couldn't find my house (very bad with directions, and his 2nd time coming here, and it was raining). I was very frustrated. So we skipped the bowling, and just went to eat up to street, then watched movies at my house. Cuddling and smooching was OK. Comfortable.

He only called once between Wednesdays. This Wed., we went bowling. It was fun, but I was a little distant, and I over-played my cold because of how I was feeling about him. But I DID have a cold, and wasn't feeling up to par.

He says sweet things to me, like I'm too pretty to be sick (because of my cold). He always tells me I look nice. He always says he has a good time with me. He says the blessing when we eat (very good! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />) He's positive and upbeat.

We didn't set up another definite date, although he talked about going out again, and this is Christmas weekend, and then of course, New Years is next weekend.

Soooo.... sorry for rambling.... here we are at CHristmas eve eve, so I can't really bring up the negative stuff with him. I flip-flop from trying to just go with the flow and enjoy his company.... and seeing the good in him... to feeling like its forced and just forgetting it.

Meanwhile... xBF J is being very friendly, and I'm enjoying his conversation. He even wants to go out on New Years Eve and I'm tempted. I don't need him, because things aren't better with his kids. But I enjoy his company. not fair

AGG <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> you crack me up sometimes. My "inquiring minds" thread... which you never posted on <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> about Mr. Slow.

HMMM, kinda sounds like there is a piece missing Faith.
It doesn't sound like he makes your heart flutter.

So, old bf calling eh? That's a tuff situation too. One hand says, geez, someone [that you enjoy] to do spend NYE with, other hand says, I'm not ready for the same "stuff" again. [and you know that opens that whole can again if you decide to go] Decisions, Decisions......

Well, I'm still living through all of you dating folks.
So, let me read your updates from time to time.

Karona

no fluttering heart <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Ah, THAT thread... sorry for not posting there, I was, uh, preoccupied with my new obsession <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />. Plus, frankly, I didn't know what to say. It seemed to me that you were not thrilled with him, but he was better than nothing. Since I was down in the dumps too at the time, I could relate to the feeling that "something" sometimes is better than nothing.

I'll tell you this though, Faith. The minute I met G, and everything has clicked so well, I have once again become convinced that "settling" is for the birds. Until G, I went on a number of dates from which I walked away thinking "Well, she is nice, maybe I could see her again". But by the time I got home and slept on it, I realized that I did not feel any kind of a draw to them, it was mostly "She's better than nothing". And I just couldn't see myself dating someone when that is the most I could feel for them.

With G, the "wow" factor is through the roof. And it makes me appreciate the huge difference between seeing someone out of boredom or settling, vs. seeing someone who makes your knees weak and who, well, amazes you. It just confirms for me that even if G does flake out, that I should never date anyone without that "wow" feeling. The difference is night and day.

So, reading your post above, I believe that Mr. Slow is Mr. No-Go - you are not excited about him, and you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. And he does not do it for you in conversation - one of your top EN's? Hullo?? That's a non starter, IMO.

Anyway, I am a strong proponent of being excited about someone you are dating - if it ain't there, it's not worth it. IMO.

AGG

Thank you for your thoughts AGG. I read this earlier, then went out to run some Christmas errands.

You are probably right. I flip-flop between this train of thought, which is probably correct, and the possibility that I'm learning something from this R about taking things at a slower pace... perhaps an experiment without the "wow" factor with a very nice man.

Boy I don't know what to tell you on this one. I'm leery on both...Mr. Slow and J. I say follow your GUT...not your heart and not your head. What is your gut telling you to do?? You've been there done that with J...think about to why he is an X...is that reason still there...I'm thinking the answer to that is YES...soooo...hmmmm I dunno...hard decision. If it were me...I think I'd keep J on a friends only level...and still have Mr. Slow around to go out and do things with.

Keep us posted.
HUGS!

How many dates have you been on so far?

Like I've said before, I didn't have that *instant* wow factor w/ my exBF, but it didn't take long. I'd say by the 4th date, it had DEFINITELY kicked in for me. We had a wonderful date and after that.......sparks! We'd had some really great dates before that, lots of phone calls (heck, we talked on the phone 2 weeks before we actually went out) I was very comfy around him, laughed alot, convo flowed but I dunno what happened, something really just clicked inside of me that 4th date, (I met him out of town at a conference he was at and he was so completely respectful of me and my boundaries and we just had SO much fun!) and I distinctly remember looking at him and thinking, Gosh, he's REALLY cute and I REALLY like him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> So what's my point you ask? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'm thinking SOMETHING more should be happening here for you, don't you think?

Honestly? I just don't think you are in to him <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

DW

6 dates.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

ahhhhhhhh I was so hoping he was THE ONE!!!!!!

haha... and he hasn't called since our date wed night to check on my cold... or talk Christmas-y stuff... nahhhhh... he's DEFINITELY not the one!!! LOL... I'm feeling better about NOT feelin it for him... since it's 2:30 Christmas Eve and I haven't heard from him since he left my house Wed night.

Sooo... now... how to tell him to go jump in a lake. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> or maybe he'll tell me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Mr. Slow is living up to his name.

I have to tell you, that would bother me, more than just a little.

Karona

I think I'd just let it die out...IF he should call again and want to get together....be "busy"...do that a few times and he'll just fade away. I'm not one for hurting someone's feelings or being rude so I've found if you just step back and still be social but not committing they just go away eventually....Look at J...I hardly ever hear from him...which a. speaks volumes and b. is a good thing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

still curious faith....anything much happening with Mr. Slow?

If you're not "feeling it", I think Allurings advice is best. Just let it die out. No need to make big speeches.

***
Momentary threadjack:
Girls, I don't feel like posting my own update, but would sure like some empathy.

I'm kinda feeling down this morning.

I've been dating L for 4 months now. And I love him. Haven't felt this way about anyone since my x-husband in those early years.

I'm feeling very vulnerable. Because I've told him how I feel and all my defenses are down. But his aren't.

That is making me want to retreat/withdraw/protect.

We talked this morning about it. And I told him exactly how I feel (vulnerable, feeling like I need to protect myself, but not wanting to play games and pretend I'm not feeling the way I do.)

He can't (won't) say the "L" word. All I get are "care deeply" "strong feelings" "never had a better relationship" I know all his reasons for not believing in it. And he doesn't think so much emphasis should be placed on one word.
However, I have a real struggle in being in love with someone who doesn't love me back.

I guess I don't know if its that he loves me but won't say it, or doesn't love me and won't say it.

But I want an equal deal -- I want the whole thing. I want to love him completely, treat him wonderfully, and have the same thing in return.

So, what do I do? How long do I leave myself out there vulnerable? I'm not good at that. I'm trying to be patient. But I'm real curious at how many times you can tell someone you love them and have them say "thanks", before you'd stop saying it and retreat. I want a real number -- help!

*Lexxxy*

Definitely a tough position to be in....I'm just like you, I'm VERY uncomfortable feeling vulnerable and feeling like I'm on an unequal playing field. I think that's somewhat normal after all we've been thru.

I'm not so sure here that he doesn't love you. By saying he "care's deeply" "strong feelings" "never had a better relationship" speaks volumes! How is he with actions? I knew my exBF loved me way before he could say it---by his actions and he did eventually say it.

Absolutely, and I think you have great potential here for that, you just have to have patience. It's out there, try to take a deep breath, and see how things go. I think men have a harder time, generally, admitting their feelings b/c they feel it *binds* them somehow, locks them in, even if they are feeling it. They tend to be way more cautious. Am I wrong here fellas? I, personally, wouldn't continue saying it. I think it'll make him feel more pressured. You can continue to show it thru your actions.

I have no trouble expressing my feelings. I hate to be the first to utter the "L" word (long story), but if I am in a relationship, I have "the feelings", and my partner says it, I will definitely reciprocate.

Having gone through months of telling my WW "ILY", only to get back "Thanks", I will never put up with that again. So I can definitely relate to your frustrations, Lexxxy.

AGG