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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 33
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 33 |
My FWW does not know if she wants to be M to me or not; she can not decide. It seems that she can not let go of the thoughts and feelings for the OM. She says that she is afraid that she may never get that "I'm in Love with You" feeling with me like she once had.
Can we ever expect to have a happy M togather when she feels this way about OM? How long does it take to put these feelings aside? She says that she can't forget about OM. I tell her that she will never forget him; she just needs to put those thoughts for him aside.
43 yo
wife 40 yo
married 19 yrs
20 yo daughter
16 yo son
d-day 10/11/05
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
Second, has contact ended yet? If not she won't "get over" OM and start feeling for you again.
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
2nd, as long as your W continues to work with and see the OM at work, she won't withdraw and will continue to have feelings for him.
Working with him is about like sending a "recovering" alcoholic into the bar every day and giving him a few "professional" drinks. He never recovers, stays obsessed with alcohol and has chronic binges. I told you that your marriage wouldn't recover last month for this very reason and it is happening exactly as I predicted.
Your W is right, she can't forget the OM and she won't until she stops working with him.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401
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Joined: Dec 2004
Posts: 401 |
Melody couldn't be more right.
Things will NOT get better until there is NO CONTACT.
Have you been working on a Plan A?
Praying for you this Christmas SB1.
Me (BS) 36
FWW 35
Married 5/25/91
DS-7
DD - Born 11/8/05 !!!
PA #1 12/1996
PA #2 4/01 to 1/04
NC 1/04
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
- Mahatma Gandhi
Don't think exposure is a good idea? Go here...
From Harley Himself
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,088
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,088 |
It's hard to let go when you are being reminded of the person. The mind can attach strong emotions to memories and there is nothing stronger than having an affair. And seeing the OM on a daily basis does nothing more than reenforce those memories, which makes them hard to let go.
Example, just think of people who lost a loved one. Just remembering their death will bring tears and saddness. If a memory is that strong then imagine what it would be like if that person had to reface the experiences of the last moments every day. It would utterly sink the person to the depths of depression.
Well in the case of your wife she comes face to face with the person who made her feel special, even if it was fantasy. But that feeling is reenforced every time she sees him just by his look that fantasy is retriggered.
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