I just found out there is a good chance my wife is having an affair with an ex-boyfriend. There have been months of weird behavior such as change in appearance, wanting sex more, and having to be out of the house constantly. There were also text messages and long calls on her cell bill at weird hours of the night. She said past Saturday it was an ex she broke up with in 1997. She said she thinks she still cares for him and wanted to separate to see if things work out with him. She has said our marriage was a mistake and I have driven her "crazy" for eight years. Our marriage really has not been that bad. She "bad-mouths" me to all her friends and relatives over minor things. Yesterday, she said she made up all those things and that she doesn't want him and only spoke on the phone to him a few times. However, I did some snooping and found his number stored in her phone on voice dial. She gets very angry when I ask questions about things and times and stories that don't add up. I feel she is intentionally being mean to distance herself from me. I don't feel I can reach her. She plans on moving in February but it appears she still will maintain contact with OM. I am seriously wanting to give up. I have also been craving the attention of other females in my area and am close to possibly seeking out some attention for myself even though I am not currently seeing anyone. It is extremely difficult living with her. It is almost like dealing with an addict as getting out of the house is her top priority almost every day. Her father revealed to me she is schizo and tried to commit suicide at 19. He seems to think this is why she is making "bad decisions" but I beg to differ. I think I should just cut my losses and move on because I don't have to deal with this. I refuse to believe she "can't help" this behavior because of a condition. There are rare times where it is almost like we are a real couple again, but not often.

Welcome to MB. Tell us a little more...do you have children? Have you read the site for Harley's concepts of plan A and plan B? Is the OM married? If so expose to his W about the affair. What ever you do DO NOT have an affair yourself!!

We have two children together ages 8 and 2. She said he is not married but has a girlfriend. Not sure if they live together. I tried plan A for one week but it did not work. I have also acted as if nothing is wrong to no avail. Neither one of us is in a position to move right now.

Ozz,

I know how you feel about giving up. You have all the right in the world to give up. But before you make a decision. Get the books, Surviving an Affair, His Needs Her Needs and love busters. Read them and then make an educated decision based on knowledge. It is useless to make any decision based on emotions and your current state of mind.

So if you where schizo would you expect your W to stand by you or walk out on you!

Van