Here is my story...

Found out my GF at the time was having affairs with a coupleof different men. When I found out I confronted her and was told that these were EA's. I asked her point blank if there was sex involved and of course was told no never. We decided to try and continue our relationship and eventually did seem to work things out, we got engaged and married in the fall of last year.

So I have been married a little over a year and things have been very rough to say the least. About 6 months ago we decided to go to counseling. During our sessions it came out that the affairs were actually PA's and not just EA's.

Things have spiralled down ever since. I can't trust her and I keep thinking that I would have never continued on in the relationship if I had known the truth. I feel like I am married under false pretenses.

I dont think anything has gone on since we have been married but after something like that happens how can you ever be sure of anything? And us not getting along at all makes it even harder. We constantly fight over everything, we seem to be at each other all the time over the smallest things.

I am confused. There is part of me that wants to stay with her, forgive her, and start to build trust again. But there is also part of me that wants to just move on, stand on my own two feet and get on with my own life. I am in a constant battle with myself and sick cycle that I cant get out of. One minute I decide I am going to be with her and the next I think I deserve better and shouldnt have to deal with all the emotional garbage that has resulted from this.

Here we are two days before Christmas and a big part of me wants to tell my wife goodbye forever...

Any advice is appreciated...

OnAmishn

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be under the circumstances.

What are the things that you fight about?

OnAmishn (cool name), welcome to MB. Get the book Surviving An Affair and His Needs Her Needs and read them together. Give a call out to Frozen, she is a FBS (former betrayed spouse) who's H was having an A while engaged. They are recovering now. Remember that you do not have to stay married if you don't want to. To me she married you under false pretenses.

Everything under the sun. We just don't seem to get along. I think alot of it is my mood swings.

As I said I am at constant war with my feelings. Nothing I feel or think seems correct.

OnAmishn

Would most of you say that the adage of once a cheater always a cheater holds true?

I just don't want to be made a fool of again...

OnAmishn

Start to differentiate between feelings and facts.

It is not your feeling that you married under false pretense

it is FACTUAL ... you DID marry under false pretenses

annul the marriage now

Without confession, remorse, and a dedication to reform, you bet a cheater will always be a cheater. You haven't spoken of any contrition on her part at all. That you have not said she's sorry leads me to believe you don't see any such thing in her words...much less her actions. If she's not "owning" the betrayal and seeking to make amends, she's telling you the infidelity is just something you have to live with.

Seems to me you have a real good reason to sit down and calmly decide whether you want to go on with a marriage based on lies to continue or not. You love your wife. Okay, but love doesn't just happen once. You can love again. Trust and faith can, perhaps should, be as important as love.

Think about it long and hard, my friend.


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all.