In spite of 2 young children, I have been true to a strong plan B since Jul 04. Since that time I could condense the amount of conversation with my STBX into less than 3 min. It’s only been since I filed and her attempts to change (failed) the parenting arrangement in the LS that I have allowed TM’s and brief emails.

Yesterday we sat across from each other at my son’s school. His behavior has always been a concern, but now we were meeting with his teacher, the principal, a psychologist and a reading specialist. Surprise, surprise his behavior has deteriorated since his mom ran off with her married boss. His teacher recently found some drawings on him with “death” and “kill” written down and pictures of people shooting handguns at each other among other things.

For several minutes we sat across from each other alone in a room. She started in on how I treat her with my reluctance to speak with her etc. and how that affects the children. Further, I get the lecture that I should not bring my son hunting due to the negative influence it has on him. Well righteous indignation took over and I politely informed her that she has no credibility regarding her opinion on what our children should and shouldn’t be exposed to. For at least the last year she has been having the OM over to her house and she has taken them on overnight trips to his house.

She called into question my sincerity in attempting to repair our family for the 18 mos or so after this awful revelation. She went on to say with now glistening eyes that though she has not been a good wife for the past few years (first time I’ve heard her take any responsibility for this mess) that she is a good mom. I couldn’t resist telling her that good mom’s don’t cheat on their families especially by breaking up another family.

The conversation ended soon after that as the school officials returned. The psychologist simply tested my son’s intelligence/learning ability and the reading specialist had done her thing. Both evaluations were unremarkable regarding his intelligence/reading skills. Next month a behavior psychologist has a go.

Am I looking for advice here? Not really….just venting my spleen. I don’t post here too much anymore, but was moved to share this little portion of my ongoing saga. I should be…..hope to be divorced in a month. Yah yah, I know….I’ve been saying that for the last 6 months. I’ll let you know.

Hi, Binder.

I am glad that you had the opportunity to defend your position a bit. It's good for you, and there is the possibility that some of it stuck. I call them truth darts. They're hard to get away from, and it sounds like you delivered them well.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

God bless,
Gimble

Hey Binder. Merry CHristmas to you. And I am so following in this thing. The kids are with you right? WS BS is so hard to take. I am sick of the entire drama. Dork in my case has chosen the Ditcpig4 who is sitll married and her D over ever seeing DD13 agian. Sigh.

I am humiliated and embarassed that I ever thought he was a man let alone a GOOD man.

And I hear that he is a good father all the time from the DOrk. Ya right. Actions buddy, not talk.

Gimble ... you are just too fantastic for words! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi Binder - I haven't been spending time on the forum either, so just saying hi and..........

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Keep being the best Dad you can be. You're good at it.

WAT

Hey Binder! Merry Christmas to you and your kids. Good for you for getting those "truth darts" in! My prayers are with you.

Thanks Pep!

You are most kind.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, WAT.

It's good to see you post. You have been missed.

All the best,
Gimble

pardon the interruption, Binder.

Hi Gimble, aka "bubble mount", "swings many directions", and "always on the level", right?

Just passing through. I don't plan on an extended stay. Hope you are doing well. I am doing terrific!

WAT

Hi, WAT.

I think you are referring to a gimbal, but I am "always on the level" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad you are doing well. I wish you would start an update thread and let us know how it's going with your new love interest.

Be good,
Gimble

That you are!

Nothing to update. We are doing very well, looking forward to retirement in 1151 days. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> In the meantime, doing our research on what to sail around the world in.

Best wishes,
WAT

WAT, thanks bud.

Hi bOb-O. Hope you're well.

(Sorry, again, Binder for the 'jack.)

My "excuse" for being here is that I had a need to post a practical question on the D/D board and peeped in here and got sucked in. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

Peace on Earth,
WAT

We are just always glad to see you here, WAT.

ok, back to Binder <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Well then I'll just have to catch you here then WAT (I know Binder won't mind)...Mimi had a thread for you a few pages back but you must have missed.

I just read your post on another thread regarding "faith", and I wanted to say that it was very nicely done WAT. It was gentle, non offensive, and eloquent...which tells me that life is good for you now, and that you are at peace.

Cool!

Binder,

Do you think your STBX is basically a nice person, and that if she were to come out of the fog the realization of what she has done would destroy her, as SH says about some whose defenses are just so inbedded?

That is the impression I get. That her immaturity caused her to do something that she just can't accept as her doing, and so she defends against this realization by "not" coming to terms with it?

I don't know, but I pity her if she does ever come out of the fog. I think she'll hit pretty hard.

And you do seem like such a good dad and family man, that you're life will be wonderful soon, but I don't think hers will be.

That is why I can't help but feel sorry for the waywards, the BS's are on their way up almost as soon as the chit hits and the fallout clears, but not the WS's usually. They got some nasty stuff to go through yet.

Howdy Gimble,

As Pep commented upon, “truth darts” is an appropriate and clever metaphor. Unfortunately for her I merely drew her attention to the glaring truth that will fester, and inevitably poison her world for the rest of her life. I almost felt bad for her……because the truth will injure her badly some day.

Weaver’s take on thing is fairly accurate. Though I don’t know what a “good” person is anymore, this affair was an aberration for my WW. Though even I find myself hard to live with at times, she knows I’m a great dad, an honest man and that I live a principled healthy life. She always had a habit of stretching the truth at times, and difficulty taking personal responsibility for her action, but this affair is such an extreme example as to be inconceivable. She commented on how my anger and hostility (Plan B) was not a good example for the children. She still needs to vilify me to justify the present situation. If I appear tranquil and resolved it only adds to an increasing sense of panic I sense brewing within her. Had I had the eloquence of an “Ark” to calmly point out that a responsible mother lurks beneath the sordid veneer she now sports, she may have had a meltdown. Who knows.

WAT…………..WAT!!!

I’ve wondered often about you and your son. I’m glad to here all is well and wish you, your son and your SO a very merry Christmas! I’ll be checking your other thread just to catch up a bit. Thank you so much for popping in. Feel free to “jack” my threads anytime!

FAA,

I read your other thread. Sorry about the new development and the timing thereof. I hope you can remove yourself from the drama. I wish you and your daughter a peaceful Christmas. Just so you know I have the children nearly half time, but every weekend; 4 ½ days one weekend, 2 the other. I work a 4/10 shift: Mon to Thurs, Tues to Fri so I don’t need childcare when I have them. BTW….it’s 9 degrees Celsius on this side of the divide today. Dern near like the weather you get there in “the valley”.

FF thank you for the prayers…..right back at ya

Hi Binder.

I had a long one started, but just lost it. Who knows what keys I pressed to delete it all.

I've started and erased about 10 lines now. I don't have time to say what I was saying before , but I hate to just go.

Remember where your success will come from - There is only one way to happiness for you, and you know what it is.

There is only one way to heal your children. Only one path will get you there. It would be easy to loose it, the snow can hide the detail. When I was 14 my cousin and I got lost in a snow storm in the mountains. The map, and compass brought us home safely. We missed a turn, but found the trail again by taking a proper heading, and following the compass needle in the right direction.

You probably won't ever know exact details we all would like to have, but you have your map, and compass, and they will show you the way. Study them often, keep in the right direction.


I encourage you -

SS

Hiya SS,

I am doing my best to trust my compass. On occasion I become foolishly arrogant enough to rely on my own sense of direction, but that usually means trouble.

I will keep trying to be a man that my children will be proud of as they mature. I find the full time career and parenting gig to be rewarding, but immensely labour intensive. All aspects of my life are precariously balanced. If any one portion consumes too much time and effort the impact on the other is immediate and profound.

The part about my WW “informing” me my efforts to reconcile were insincere is the most telling. I hear a woman trying to convince herself that she never really had the opportunity to heal her marriage. That way she can blame her horrific situation on an impulsive decision that, though bad, was impossible to recover from. If she has to live with the fact that she had an 18 month window of opportunity to save her family and wasted it, it may make her go mad one day. Whatever she has to do to help her sleep at night I guess. I know what I can tell my children.