Have vowed to make this a wonderful Christmas for DS. But the past day or so I have been short-tempered, grouchy at times and irritable.

I know it's partly due to the recent activity with WH and my realization that his motives for contact with me are for selfish reasons only & not to heal our M. HIS CHOICE THAT HE WON'T BE HERE FOR CHRISTMAS.

I have no doubt been ruining DS's holiday time b/c I have not been ver tolerable of his 6 year old antics. Normal 6 year old stuff, I just have not been patient with him.

Anybody else dealing with this holiday irritability???? What do you do??

I guess instead of saying something that I regret later to DS, I should leave the room and come back when the feeling is passed. I am promising myself not to be short with him today.

I can't control what WH does. I can control how I behave.

ARGH. I just hate feeling this way!!

Kim

(((Kim))) I do completely understand. And that b*tch part of me resents feeling guilty for being a tad short with the kids when WH doesn't seem to feel at all guilty for screwing up our whole lives.

(But I have an unhealthy obesession with trying to make my WH feel guilt, shame, responsibiliy or that other normal stuff)

Then, I second guess myself if I let the kids "get away" with stuff. Am I being to soft on them to compensate for what is going on, what kind of monsters am I creating.

But, I know that I am going to beat myself up no matter what I do on the parenting front - it is my Mommy nature. I really have had to look at my parenting boudaries and I do let them have more leeway - until they cross the 'disrepecting Mom one'.

But on those days where I am dealing with something that is not obvious to them and they don't know why I am short - that is hard for them. So I try to tell them that I am just having a bad day and I try to spend a little time by myself. Hopefully, that will reinforce that we are all going to have our emotional outbursts, but we need to be respectful of others and not take it out on our families.

It is hard because we try hard. That is a good thing.

Thanks Jean. Good to hear from you and know that I am not alone in having these feelings. ARGH.

I am going to try and just take "alone" breaks if I feel that grouchiness coming out. Sometimes I feel like I am trying to control DS's behavior. Compensating for my not being able to control what WH does.

I hope you have a wonderful Christmas Eve. I know it's hard to know what our actions today will result in with our kids years from now. We are doing the best we can, right? I know you have been doing an excellent job with your DD's.

Kim

Don't put so much pressure on yourself Kim. Yes, there is alot of pressure to make the next two days look like a Norman Rockwell painting, but... I believe (hope - with fingers crossed) that it is the consistency over the years that we get with our kids that will make the difference.

I do think you did good IDing that you may be trying to control the one thing that you can right now. I totally get that. Sometimes, when I am at the end of my rope, we put in a movie and just camp out in the bed together for a few hours. I have also found that a bowl of sherbert also makes my kids think I am very cool and the are quick to forgive any recent transgressions on my part <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> .

That sounds bad when I say it like that, I think I snuck that page out of the "How to be a Disneyland Dad" handbook. But for the big picture, I do hope it the years of consistency that will make a difference with the kids. All I really want out of life, is to know who is on my side, who in my life has really 'got my back'. I think that in the long run, that is what the kids want too.

Hey, if it works, it works!! Sometimes, it is the simple things. Did your WH ever read "How to be a Disnelyland Dad"??? I think I know the answer to that.....

Off to spend some time with DS. Sometimes I'm on this site TOO much!!

Kim

Funny you should ask Kim, as I was just going to post about this very subject. This is our first christmas without wh. (we had one about 4 years ago without him, when we were separated then but it was different, he still came over and it wasn't him having an A at the time). I am sad because the last few years of our marriage I have been so alone and so unhappy. Even with him here I was alone. Holidays just haven't been the same the last 2 years. And this year I know he is having a grand time with ow for holidays (or so my mind tells me, I am not there so of course I know nothing for sure). He texted me this morning and said he is doing some last minute shopping for kids. so immediately my mind says oh, you must have taken the day off from work and he and ow are going to do some christmas shopping. Do I know that for sure? No of course not. It has been all I can do to hold myself together and not cry too much.

Yes, it is a hard one this year. Money is tight and I am really trying not to be too sad. It just seems so unfair doesn't it all? Must get out of this pity part I have been in the last few days! I have been trying to analyze too much and it drives me nuts! I am thankful for family who will be here soon.... Family here today and tomorrow. Wh is coming in the morning to exchange gifts with kids. Big progress for us honestly. But that scares me too. I hope I don't cry while he is here! mlhb

I hear ya loud and clear! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> That's why I'm here. Woke up a bit grouchy this morning. WH called to say he is going to be here from 11AM to 4PM. I just blew about $150 on food for Christmas Eve and Christmas day last night. Shrimp, cheese and crackers, etc. He probably won't be staying for dinner tomorrow night either. I'm feeling used. I'm Plan Aing my tail off but my feelings caught me off guard today. In some ways I wish he wasn't coming at all. DS and I would have a much more laid back Christmas. Now I feel like company's coming and I have to have the house at its best, food, mood, me, etc. All for him to come, sample, and then return to OW for the evening. Ho Ho Ho! Kim your Plan B is looking mighty good to me.

Well we'll see what the day brings. I'll look at the bright side. Him leaving at 4 means I can take DS and head out of town to a beautiful candlelight ceremony at a pretty little church about 45 mins from here. It might be just what I need. I think I"ll take the time to read a real Christmas story about miracles and selfless giving, etc.

Merry Christmas everyone!

It's hard not to have those feelings right now I suppose. We will just have to suck it in & think about as many OTHER happy thoughts as we can!!

mlhb - glad you have family coming in to be with you. Enjoy their company & lean on them support if need be. Of course, MB is here too!! I know it will be hard for you Christmas morning, seeing WH. Thank goodness I don't have to deal with that.

Shattered - I'm sorry WH has changed his plans on you! OW must have put some pressure on him. I read the Christmas Story to DS last week. We will also be attending a candlelight service tonight. Let's try to at least promise each other we will do our best to get through these next two days. Try really hard to focus on the meaining of Christmas. After all, that remains the same regardless of where we are in our lives.

Helps to just be able to vent here though about these darn grouchy feelings!!!

Kim

I don't fell grouchy its more like sadness and disapointment. This will be my first christmas without my WW in 7 yrs and not sharing these next couple of days together, splitting DD. WW gets her tonight and I will get her tomorrow after she opens gifts. I will be present so thats good. I just can't get into the christmas mood. Sorry Im just venting.

Grouchy, irritable, depressed, over loaded, overly tired, over worked....... AGH!!!!! All I want for Christmas is more TIME!

I am so disgusted that it is Christmas eve day and I am not ready for it!

I have been busy working my butt off with both jobs the last week, and running people to Dr. appts.

Finally went gift shopping at 11:00 Thursday night (got home at 3:30 am...Thankyou Wal Mart!) This was after working 12 hours.

My DS#1 has been home now just over a week and is as obstinate and confrontational as he ever was. Trying his darndest to pick fights with anyone who crosses their eyes at him.

H is the terminal grinch. He hates this time of year. Not for any particular reason other than it costs $$$ and it is busy , visiting people etc.

My home is a nightmare of a mess as I still have work piled up on my dinning room table. The laundry has not been touched in 2 weeks and we are as of today officially out of underwear!!!! (lol) there is clutter growing everywhere and NO ONE thinks they have any responsibility to clean up after themselves!!! DS1 & DD2 are fighting over who has to do the kitchen and dishwasher for the last 3 days so we are now out of dishes.

There are no signs of Christmas in this house as I have had no TIME to put out decorations let alone the tree. and do not know WHERE to put the tree as the house is such a cluttered mess!!!

Now I have to add, this "mess" has been silently growing since I started working 2 jobs as of the start of the school year. When I started my 1st job in April is when everyone decided they didn't need to do chores.

I had been the "june Cleaver wanna be SAHM" for 12 years. But every time I take a part time job the family goes helpless. So I'd quit the job and get the house and family life "back on track".
This year I found 2 PT jobs I love and get paid well for doing and I am NOT gonna give them up! Plus since I do not know what the future now holds for my marriage I may NEED these jobs for support some day!

Now I would think that the extra income I am pulling in would be enough that we would not be in debt up to our eyeballs. But that is not the case! We have been trying to get caught up since H was out opf work from Feb. to April. So, we work, and are still behind on our MTG, utilities and DR bills....

I could not stand to not have gifts for the kids so I took last weeks paycheck and got them presents. I know this will set us back even further from getting the bills paid but I just couldn't not give them presents this year! Especially with all the "crazieness" going on in our lives for the last 4+ months, especially since D-day. I should have just done the laundry and wrapped their clean underwear up and given THAT as a gift! LOL!!!

Now I have to say, I have been holding up fairly well, thanks to taking Zoloft. But since Thanksgiving I have been steadily having more triggers and having a harder time staying in a positive frame of mind and keeping my Taker in check. I am getting so tired of putting on a happy face and keeping my words soft and choosing my battles with everyone.

I am fed up with the selfishness and inconsiderate actions of some people in my home and trying to be the peacekeeper and Plan A everything. I have given, given, given, and I am tired of not seeing anyone except my DD#1 give back!!!!!
I am so sick and tired of trying to keep my chin up!!!!!!

I am very sorry to bust in here and just DUMP this load of negativity on any innocent reader. But the title of the thread DID ask a loaded question... LOL.

Thanks for giving me a place to vent so I can hopefully now get on with my day. I am going to try to get my house cleaned up, do a load of whites so there is fressh undies for everyone, make some treats and a nice Christmas eve dinner, MAYBE try to get my tree up and decorated. If I am lucky I may even get some one talked into going to church with me tonight.

Be well, and Happy Christmas everyone.

Hey Harmonie - WOW. You do have a lot going on there. A lot to deal with emotionally, financially and with the house, etc.

Don't take this the wrong way, but it makes me feel better.....Anyway, I hope you feel better and are able to enjoy the holiday some.

Familygone - Some sadness is starting to creep in for me too. I cannot believe that WH is letting things happen this way. I believe OW is done with him, but he can't see straight to make a decision himself and actually end it. A NC letter would get him in the door for Christmas morning(of course, he doesn't know that.) He just knows a NC letter is needed to see or talk to me.

Kim

Hey Kimberly,

Nah, I didn't take it the wrong way at all. Sad but true, sometimes the load others have makes our own seem lighter. Even for me. I feel really bad for those who DO have worse things happening in their lives compared to mine. Gives things perspective sometimes.

Is your WS not wanting to do a NC letter? Mine didn't feel one was necesary, either. And even though they work different shifts now, there is still some limited casual contact going on.
I had asked him to always tell whenever there was ANY contact, no matter how small or trivial the circumstance. But he has not done that for me either.
I even discovered this morning, while "monitoring" his internet history, that he must be having some thoughts of OW in some aspect. I saw he had been looking at a picture of a sunset that when I looked at the properties of it I learned had been sent to him 1 day before D-day. The picture is titled "Montana Sunset" that is where OW is from. I thought I had already deleted anything he may have recieved from her in the past. Missed this one, but it is gone now. We'll see if he asks me if I deleted it.

I had really thought we were getting out of the woods with fogs and even though I am riding the Lone Rangers horse daily, I thought he was over any withdrawls of OW. But, I guess I am more nieve than I thought I was. And since D-day I have learned what a HUGE liar my husband has been, can be, and IS, it makes this whole thing even harder to deal with.

This has been the worst Christmas and year of my entire life. I don't know how much more I can take and can only pray & hope that 2006 will be better! I have to hang on to that hope, I don't know what else I have left.

Sorry, just feeling very depressed. Thank God I do not have to go back to work at my main job until January! I really need the break, maybe get back on top of things around the house and start to feel a bit more empowered about my life.