This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. IN less than an hour I have to watch my kids get in the car with my WH, and head off to his apartment for the evening. I SOOOOO want him home tomorrow - he said no ( and yes I asked )trying to layer all the emotional stuff onto Chrsitmas day would be too much for all of us. He threw the no contact outside of the kids into my face. I had talked about it, my therapist is recommending it, told him I wanted to do something consistent for once. And he sarcasticlly threw it back at me "so much for being consistent". I think I just need to give up. Everytime I open my mouth around him I say something "wrong". And I seem to misunderstand everything he says. Or maybe he's confused and I am clear headed?

I just can't keep it straight anymore. How does one do plan A if WH doesn't live with you and doesn't want to talk with you or be around you. Is it too late?

You know 20 years ago today my husband gave me my beautiful diamond engagement ring. This is a tough day for me...

Boy Jan I do relate... when you get the answers to some of your questions will you let me know! I need some of those answers too.... hang in there. The holidays are almost over, just gotta get through New Years and we'll be there. mlhb

(((Jan))) Darn those anniversaries of the good times. Makes this so much harder.

Take a deep breath.

When he comes for the kids, give them hugs inside. Do not go to the door. Do not watch him out the window. Don't torture yourself.

They are old enough to go out on their own.

I know this is an awful time for you. Maybe you would be better sending that gift with the kids. That way, it is out of the house and you don't have to see it. Put a non-emotional note stating that this was purchased earlier and as it has his name in it, you can not return it. Do not wrap it. Do not make it gift-like. Make it very impersonal depsite how personal it is.

Honestly, ths fact that he has aleady been over and now is coming back has to make this harder. Why didn't he deliver the gifts when he came this time? Is he just trying to see what reaction he gets? If so, this is your chance not to react. As in, do not even go within seeing or speaking distance.

Don't see him when he brings them home either.

As for tomorrow, I know lots of us will be praying for you. I hope you get your strength from God, whose arms are big wnough to hold you up through all of this.

I don't know alot about the Plan A and Plan B except what I read here. However, it sounds like your therepist might be suggesting something similar to Plan B. That means go dark, I think. Maybe going dark today and tomorrow will be the best thing.

Another thing, don't ask too many questions when the kids come home. I say this as one who was 17 when my parents split. Don't ask them questions. They don't want to see you hurt and they know that any answer is going to hurt. For all of you, don't ask.

Keep your chin up. Smile. Know your friends are praying.

Blessings

MF - OH thank you - it is nice to hear I have friends who care. I will get through this - it will just be so hard. As for going dark - it will be so hard - he has been the air I breathe for so long. It will be hard to wake up tomorrow in an empty bed - I may just sleep on the couch tonight.

Sleep on the couch.

I know exaclty what you mean by the air you breathe. Tomorrow is 25 years since the first time he said I Love You.

I am so blessed that he did not leave and is willing to work on the relationship. I am so sad for those of you that are in a different position. I am not gloating. My heart breaks for you and I sit here with tears in my eyes for those of you that are hurting so badly.

Jan:

Considering your history, this is like breathing in the fumes of a trash dump.

This statement " he has been the air I breathe " is dysfunctional. Untill you change YOUR thinking you'll stay mired in hel*.

I see that you are doing "PLan A", so you better know what you are gonna get with this.....likely steamrolled. My opinion is that PLan A is NOT appropiate in your situation considering the multiplicity and chronicty of your WH affairs. Just my opinion though.

Goodluck

Lem

like the analogy Lem - trash dump!

As for dysfunctional - you are right and something I will have to work out eventually.

I did it!! I got in my car drove the 45 minutes tyo brothers church and then went over there for dinner. Had fun with my nieces and nephew and got to watch them open my Christmas presents.

And now I am home - just tucked the kids into bed. WH dropped them off at the door, was pulling out of the driveway before they were in the door.

So much for wishing him a Merry Christmas. OH well - time to spend sometime in the word and prayer.

Good for you for making the best out of things. And thanks for helping on the other thread. Merry Christmas.

Good going, Jan. I know it was hard, but him pulling away was probably the best thing.

We'll be thinking of you tomorrow.

Have a blessed day with your children.