I 've been in a happy relationship for 8 years . I recently started a graduate program that requires M-F 8-5 for 3 years and weekend group studies to complete projects. I met the new girl in my class and we immediately hit it off. I thought she was a great friend to have...we studied with others, laughed at each others jokes, got along so well with each other, exercised together, etc...We got drunk after finals and ended up kissing. I live with my SO and when I came home I did not tell her because I was afraid. Feelings for the other girl grew and there was an effort (although not a strong one) to stop this bc she knew I had a girlfriend. Eventually it led to a onetime sex episode. I was totally hooked on her and began to obsess about her constantly. I wrote a letter to her professing my love and my doubts about my relationship with my gf in a nutshell.n My gf found this letter on my laptop and was heartbroken. She called OW and they talked for an hour until I came home when she handed me the letter I wrote. We talked and cried for the next two weeks. She didn't understand how I could do this to her, we were so happy until then, no real issues, she supported me in school, we were going to get married when I was done etc. It was the worst feeling of my life. I want her back so badly and immediately dropped OW . Fast forward 3 weeks, now she is angry...she hits me out of anger, emails OW, leaves voicemail threatening her etc. Gf wants to leave me but I beg her not to. Eventually we end up in MC which is my last hope. She is very bull headed and has a high self esteem about herself. She knows I am sorry for what happened and accepts it but she has too much self esteem and pride to let me back in. Also it is hard for her bc I will still have to see OW everyday for the next 2 1/2 years which is unacceptable. I have to tell her about every encounter I have with her which is fine with me. However I have failed 2-3 times to mention posts from OW on our school website that had nothing to do with me, but I neglected to mention that I read it. My fault...
Anyway gf wants to kick me out ...the last three nights she's been saying it...After hearing it so many times I 'm starting to believe she really wants me gone...What should I do? Leave? I don't want to...I really want to work this out with her. Sometimes i think there is hope but other times my resolve is severely tested. It is affecting both of us and she wants the see saw of emotions to stop.

Tonight, she asked me what I talked about with OW and I told her the truth in hopes of showing her I can be honest and truthful to her...I want her to know everything...If this relationship is to survive she has to be able to know that I am capable of telling the truth.... In this case it only gave her more fuel to burn the fire. I can't lose her but I don't know if she wants to stay or not . sorry so long...oh yeah d-day 11/15/05, affair was 1 month long. Do I stay or move out? Thanks

Welcome to marriagebuilders. Luckily you have found us. Please ask your GF to consider reading here. We can help her.

So you've made a huge mess of things. That is why it is important to maintain boundaries with the opposite sex.

The MB plan is that you should never see or talk to your affair partner again. Is there anyway that can be done? It is for the protection of your girlfriend. If there is still contact, it is like picking at an open wound every day.

I also suggest that you don't move out. That will only drive you farther apart.

thank you very much...I don't want to leave for exactly that reason but it's hard bc I know that me being there is hurting her too...I am not going to or ever will talk to OW again...Maintaining boundaries will constantly be on my mind. I would like to know if other cheaters have been able to get back together with the betrayed person and are they happy? how did they make it so? Is there still hurt feelings and is there ever trust in the relationship?

Maybe you should try to ask that same question on GQ2. I think you'll get a lot more response.

Also, have you read everything available by Dr. Hartley on the website? If you haven't, that would be a great first step.

Best of luck,
EMN.

Have you told her you are so sorry a thousand times? Have you told her you don't want to lose her?

After finding out about a betrayal, betrayed partners are completely devastated. It hurts terribly. And these feelings will linger for months and months, maybe for years.

See if she will post here. We can help her.