I truly feel taht divorce is the only answer for me and WH..

I have been D before - but, it never went to court - I'm sure this time it will due to financial issues/settlement.

Did your spouse/attorney try to discredit/demoralize/bad mouth you thru the court system? Make you look like the abuser in the M??? YOu were just after $$$??? etc. Did they use these tactics to try and sway the judge to lower the "equitable distribution amount"?

Any input will be appreciated - I just feel that I'll be painted as a horrible person that deserves NOTHING...that WH was the only reason we achieved our current financial status.

ItHurts,

Do you live in a no-fault state? If so, very little can be said about the type of spouse either one of you were. The relationship has very little to do with it. Heck, my attorney said he represented a man whos WW was living with a man convicted of battery with their kids. Court would not hear it.

I honestly don't like the no-fault system. It holds nobody accountable.

Keith

Well, I haven't gone to court yet, but I know my STBXH told everyone that I was having an affair. Most people just thought it was pathetic. I spent 18 months of our marriage pregnant, and I was/still am nursing our baby. When did I have time to have an affair? I have 4 kids to raise? I live way out of town, and I don't go anywhere....

Of course that was to make his OW look better I guess...?

Unless I pay for an expensive lawyer who will prove his adultry, nothing will be brought up...

Time will tell...

As BHINW stated, if you're in a no-fault state none of that stuff will matter much when it comes to distribution. Besides, your husband can say what he wants to about an affair. His saying it means nothing legally. You can say the same...and it will be the truth about him.

Is he still living with you and the children? If not, it doesn't look good for him to have "abandoned" his child/ren. Also, it might even increase your part of the distribution of income if you have custody.

It doesn't matter who earned the majority of income. You were a couple. Unless a pre-nup agreement was signed, it becomes joint property.

Even if you don't have money for an attorney on an ongoing basis, it might be really helpful to at least have a consultation with an attorney about your concerns. Often the first visit is free. I think that your husband is intentionally trying to intimidate you, and may just be blowing a lot of smoke. Wouldn't hurt to run it by an attorney, though.

I am in a no-fault state. We have no children, though he has 2 from a previous that our grown.

I do have an attorney - though, I never questioned her on his trying to discredit me - I am sure he will try and so will his attorney - who I understand is a SHARK. They will show him as the one that got us where we are financially and I was nothing b-4 I met him and I'm still nothing..and w/o his prior business training and career - no we wouldn't be where we are - but, it wasn't like he had money b-4 I met him. Sure hemade more a year than a did - but, don't most men anyway???

I guess I'm just curious as to what does go on when you have to go to court - because settling the financial end is going be a huge battle - remember the movie War of the Roses - that will be us..

My first ex-husband earned far more as a chemist than I did as a social worker. We knew coming into our marriage that this would be likely. When we had children, I worked part time (2 days per week). So, I definitely contributed less income. We both had our Masters' degrees (equal levels of education). Bottom line was that the assets were equally divided.

There can be fights and delays, tying up the financial issues in a whole lot of paperwork. The couple may disagree on the total assets. But, making less income in a marriage with no children is not a criteria for you receiving less of a settlement. Tying up the finances can actually end up costing more due to ongoing attorney fees! But, I've seen couples do it just to get back at the other spouse!

Most often the "negotiations" around financial distributions are done before the case goes to court...between attornies.

Run this concern by your attorney. I'm only sharing my experiences...and i'm no attorney or "expert"!! Good luck.

You should really ask your attny about these questions. As far as his attny being a real "shark" they are all sharks. They are divorce attnys!

In a no-fault state the there should be equal distribution of marital assets. His pre-marital assets are his own, unless they were co-mingled with marital assets. Then a Judge may look at them as being a gift to the marriage.

Bottom line is you are probably entitled to 50% of whatever the two of you aquired during marriage. It does not matter that he earned more.

A judge will may consider adultury only in cases of Alimony, He may increase or decrease the alimony amount if he is convinced that adultury is the reason the marriage ended.

It is simple and complex at the same time. Ask your attny.

I am in the first stages of the D process. I named the OW in the D petition, and as she is a Catholic, this might have implications for them if they wish to marry after the D is final. Also, I don't think that any woman would want her name down in the court records of the land as a slutty homewrecker - it's so wonderfully official! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

My STBX is attempting, laughably, to have an injunction served against me, citing the exposure letters I sent more than six months ago. It's very telling that he made no legal moves at all when I actually sent the letters, but the first thing after he is served that he does is attempt to paint me as a mad, vindictive woman, six months after the fact!

All this makes no difference to the final settlement. As the custodial parent, I expect to get the house, STBX paying for it, and half his pension unless I remarry.

Only cases of actual financial criminality can affect the settlement. I'm not so good at balancing the chequebook, I admit, but I've never been dishonest!

Alph.

The newest rumor about me:

My STBXH came home one night and a 250 pound guy in his boxers, threw him out of the house...

Pathetic!!!!!! What my STBXH will say to shine his halo with!

Last night my younger SS (16) called me. I was careful to not say anything that could be used against me if repeated. WH had told me that SS did not want to see me over holidays and that his XW was telling both SS's not to call me. Well, SS told me that he did want to see me and it was WH that would not allow it. In addition, he said WH told them that I would kill SS's if they came over. Apparently, WH is painting me as a psyco. (I have had at least one public emotional outburst that hasn't helped my position, but that was after not being allowed to see or talk to SS's.) It starts to make sense why friends have been avoiding me. However, it seems like people are starting to question WH's lies. It was nice to hear from my SS. Unfortunately his older brother does not have is courage to go against the wishes of WH's family.

When you talk about discrediting...that is a symptom of Narcissism. Check out this website to see if it sounds like your STBX.

http://groups.msn.com/NARCISSISTICPERSONALITYDISORDER/home.htm

About a year ago - my sister after hearing all the crap I was living with tuned me into Narcissism. I didn't even know what one was..let alone realize I was living w/someone w/such strong narcissistic traits.

We are at a point that he has cut me off - being that he no longer needs my "supply" he no longer feeds off of me. That only happened when I become emotionally strong against him and his actions.

I do still fear him emotionally and what he will try to do to me in court. He can be a very mean man and right now he proves it to me daily.

I'm just sick that so many WS walk out the door and mine won't. I think he gets off rubbing my nose in his A's. It feeds his ego. Hmm, after saying that maybe he hasn't totally cut me off as a supplier - maybe in some twisted way I'm still filling a sickening need of his...God help me..

Hugs.....