I took my boys 14 & 16 out to the golf driving range this morning, when we got home for some reason my WW was awake already ( she works nights ) I noticed that she was upset & when I asked her about it she told me nothing was wrong so I dropped it. When I woke her up to go to work tonight we started talking & she told me she was upset earlier because I was spending time with the boys, she cant, wont or is not interested in doing some of the things that they like which i can understand, besides her schedule makes it hard right now, which is changing next week. I told her that when her schedule changes we will find somethings that she can do with them. Is there anything else I should have done or said?

I do find it interesting that she is having some of same feelings that I had when I was working all the time to support the family so she could be a stay at home mom & take care of the kids when they were younger at that time she dismissed my feelings about the situation. Now I guess the shoe is on the other foot, at least I'm willing to help her bridge the gap so she does not feel left out.


Cliff

Isn't that an illogical statement t/b coming from a parent? Is she still tied to that mothership?

L.

You are doing the "man thing" by trying to fix the problem. That is probably leading you to missing the subtext behind what is going on. Does she really want more time with the kids? Or is there something more elemental? And, can the problem really be fixed?

First, did you *listen* to her? What is she feeling and why? Did you let her know that you understand how she feels?

Second, this may not be the kind of problem you can fix. When the kids start growing up, your relationship with them changes. It is a little scary for a parent who has invested a lot of time into his/her children to realize that (a) he/she did a good job and (b)therefore, the kids don't need you as much as they used to.

Third, this is the time for you and her to start planning and talking about how *YOU* and *HER* are going to spend time together. When the kids get to this age, the time that parents and children together dramatically decreases. You and she need to start working on "life after the kids".

What do you think I was trying to fix?
she told me that it bothered her that she could not do a lot of the things that I do with my sons, for example playing paintball I under stand why she would not want to participate its a pretty rough game.

You asked did I listen to her yes I think I did. than I offered my help in find more things that she can do with them like when we go to the lake & jet ski during the summer.

If I missed something please explain it to me.

I do agree that we need to start working on us, but shes not ready to do a lot of that yet & I cant force her to. All I can do is let her know I'm here when she needs me. The kids went over a friends after we got back & I took her out shopping & than to dinner & we had a nice time I do expect to much to fast & i do have to stop myself from trying to "fix things" some of the time but I don't see where I did that here.

thank you for your input

Cliff