I have been married for 6 1/2 years. We have a good relasonship, except that we are always fighting over his smoking! I do not smoke, and my husband is a very heavy smoker- 2 packs a day. He did not smoke when we got married, so I did not marry a smoker. He quit when we got engaged and started up again after we were married.
How do I get him to quit? He tells me that I shouldn't 'nag' him, but yet if I don't say anything he'll still contiue on. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I can't live like this anymore! Last night we got into a huge fight. We sat down to watch a movie, and in the first hour, he had 3 cigarettes! I got up and went to bed and told him that he stinks. He got mad and told me to go and screw myself. We havn't spoken since last night.
Am I wrong?? My father died from lung cancer and I watched him die a horrible death. He was a very heavy smoker and I always remember my parents fighting over this issue as well. I have become my Mother, always fighting with her husband over smoking.
Please help! If I'm in the wrong, then tell me. This issue is tearing our marriage apart.

Bottom line is respect. You can't make someone stop smoking, not even if it is the person who is smoking. It is a constant struggle. Stand by him and be supportive and educate him in a loving and caring way. No more, "you stinks". In your defense, let him know you will support him if he can respect you by smoking outside and not letting his smoking interfere with your time together. Respect on both sides will help. Make a deal, he smokes outside and you don't nag.

My husband and I grew up in a religion where smoking is forbidden. So when he started smoking a few months ago, I was very upset. He came to me and asked me how I would feel about it. I was honest and said I didn't like it. He said he really wanted to do it. He had his reasons. Well, because I love him and want him to be happy, I told him it's okay. It's his body. I don't agree with it and I wont do it but it's not my decision to make. I respect his decision to smoke. I do not allow it in my house. He respects that. I hate the smell too. He tries to not smell by chewing gum after or using mouthwash... and wears the same jacket to smoke in outside. I am also scared of cancer but likewise, I can be scared about him driving. Driving is more likely to kill him then his smoking. You cannot live your life in fear or else he will never be allowed to leave your house. Basically, I feel you need to respect his decision and love him for who he is. Perhaps negotiate that smoking can only be done outside and ask him to please chew gum. Honestly, if you are allowing his habit/addiction to smoking TEAR your marriage apart, you are responsible for that. If smoking is the only thing he does wrong... your way ahead of most of us.

You said if you are wrong, tell you. Honey, you are very wrong and this is coming from another women in the SAME situation as you and I hate smoking and the smell. Don't worry yourself about it.

I think everyone is neglecting to realize something. This poor lady's father DIED of lung cancer. There must be a lot of hurt and fear in her after being witness to this. Of course she is going to be angry at her husband, not so much because of the annoying smell, but moreso because she fears losing him the same way she did, her father.

My advice would be to have a heart-to-heart with your husband. Tell him that it hurts you to see him putting himself in harm's way, and tell him that you remember how hard it was to lose your father and that you are afraid the same thing will happen in your situation. Just be honest with him about your deeper feelings, don't attack him about the habit itself.

Nagging causes separation, but explaining should bring you closer together.