Post deleted by PCreek

Can I ask, was he a virgin when you met? Did he have sexual experiences with others that you know about?

Post deleted by PCreek

I have been thinking about this for a few days not knowing exactly how to respond.

HONESTLY in my opinion... he should leave. But that is his choice to make. The thing is that you have to give him the information to make that choice.

You talk about not wanting to have sex with him and possibly leaving. I'm sure you would leave without telling him you had an affair. Do you know how much this would crush him? First of all, he's thinking something is wrong (maybe that he did; maybe he thinks he's no good in bed) that you aren't interested in sex with him. So he's suffering there. Then, if you make up some excuse to leave him, he will think you were disappointed in the marriage itself and left. All of this is very hurtful to him. And he's getting hurt for the wrong reason-- because he's going off of bad information.

If you can force yourself to tell him, now he's working with the truth. Tell him how terrible you feel. Tell him the lessons you've learned and why it's never going to happen again. Once that's done, it is in his hands to decide. If he clams up and doesn't want to talk to you, that's what will happen. But he will eventually make a decision on wether he wants to move forward with the marriage or wether he wants to end it. The choice is his and it is his right to know.

please, please do the right thing. It will hurt him but at least your relationship will exist on a foundation of truth instead of dark secrets.

I

Great. You definitely did the right thing. You have a very rough road ahead of you but at least you are living honestly and were fair and loving by telling him the truth. If you really have changed (which I trust you have), I hope he will forgive you and you guys can have a wonderful marriage. I'll pray for you.