I contacted live-in GF of the OM this past Friday. She got her bf on three way and they told me my wife was a friend of theirs. They stated that they asked my wife months ago to tell me the truth. They told me my wife was "faking" having an affair with him to pay me back for things she has perceived I've done such as cheating, etc. It appears this whole affair was a game to punish me for something I did not do. They offered for all four of us to sit down and discuss this.OM told me all of their conversations centered around our relationship and problems. He said they have known each other for years but was vague on exactly how but said they never "dated". My wife was infuriated when she found out and said she was leaving this weekend because I should not have called OM live-in girlfriend. She said this proves how "unstable" and "crazy" I am. She said after she leaves Saturday she does not ever want to see me again. Contacting her seems to have blown things up but she was at fault too for telling me she was seeing this man romantically. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Now there's an emotional abuser.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this Ozz. That's just plain weird.

Do you buy all of it?

Not sure if I but it or not. It just seems like there are still missing pieces. Like maybe she wants a relationship and he doesn't. I know she used to date this man's cousin so maybe this is her way of keeping in touch with him.

OZZ,

I somehow feel that she is furious because this was brought out into the open. If it was really a "faked" affair to pay you back, I don't see why she is then so angry.

What is your gut telling you??? Listen very carefully.....

Let her leave!!!!! Don't hold her back!!!!! This might help her to get her head cleared.

I don't think that you did anything wrong. She believed her words and one thing led to another.

I honestly don't buy her story!!! Sorry

Have patience and don't let yourself be put down because it was her "unhonesty" that created this situation.

take care
bb

Sorry about this but what is the question again??

The only question in my mind is when the therapy, in an institutionalized setting begins.

Faking an affair?? Something out of the realm of reality has struck me.....I have nothing to say....

My gut instinct is telling me this is all a lie. Why did OM wait to "explain" things after he was busted? Why didn't he have the decency to call me three months ago. He only called me after being confronted by his girlfriend.My wife is furious with me because she said I made his girlfriend cry two days before Christmas. Even if all four of us meet, they likely have their "story" togehter. My wife was furious and called me all of the names in the book and said she did not want to look into my face again. She was as furious as I have ever seen her. I feel bad because she has told everyone I am crazy and that I an possessive(including her family). She has even told neighbors bad things about me. Everyone is thinking that I am a monster!! Why is she trashing me to everyone?

What was the gf's response when you initially told her? Was her bf there when you called?

This is obviously a real affair. How do I know? Because she is reacting like the typical WS that has been exposed. OM has apparently spun the "fake affair" to his GF to keep him out of trouble.

Her boyfirend was not there. She said a woman had text messaged her BF after midnight recently asking how his day was. I gave her my wife's two recent cell numbers and she looked up the numbers on their cell bill which is shared for two numbers. She noticed my wife's numbers on there but said she would call me and we could meet and talk more. Shortly after, OM called me wanting to talk. He said they had never met, only talked on the phone. Girlfriend did tell me OM had mentioned my wife once and said they were just firends.

One thing I am upset about is she has "bad-mouthed" me to anyone in our circle. This includes in-laws, mutual firends, even neighbors and our babysitter! I am not perfect but she makes me out to be a monster!!

More evidence of an affair.

Also didn't you say that her top priority every day is getting away from the house?

Since she may have mental issues, and the two of you have children together, I suggest you get her to a counselor.

She had originally agreed to separate and go to counseling but has changed her mind to divorce since I contacted the OM's girlfriend. She was asking questions this morning about the girlfriend and my conversation and her reaction. She wanted to know specifics.

I wouldn’t put much weight in what your wife says right now. Judge her from her actions. Just like we tell BS to stand firm on their decisions see what she does this weekend. Try to show her feelings “Plan A Style” but don’t beg or plead for her to stay.

In my mind what sort of affair it was is not important right now. Whether OM has fooled his GF or whether they only chatted on the phone or had sex. Don’t focus on that right now. Focus on your wife’s behavior and actions over the next days.

BTW. You did not mess up. Have never heard of a wife sending a “Thank You” note for exposing.

This is very TYPICAL of an exposed WS. They all say and do the same things. Let me find my list.

I think the OM has conned the gf into believing this story and even got her to play along. How sad. Does she know how to get ahold of you? Surely she won't believe this for long once her brain kicks in and she puts 2 and 2 together.

And don't worry about your wife, she is just mad because you ruined her affair. She will get over it. They all threaten divorce until they calm down.

You are definately being conned (along with the OM's girlfriend). That was definately an affair.

And like Melody pointed out- your WW is saying nothing new, they all freak out when exposed. She's trashing you to make herself look better. Just tell the truth to anyone who asks, remain calm when doing so, and keep your head held high. Most people will see through her Bull$hit after you talk to them. I never had to deal with my FWH badmouthing me-- I know it must hurt. You have my sympathy, for what its worth.

Just tell the truth, expose expose expose and don't let your WW scare you into backing down.

In most cases, the WS backs down after cooling off.

Mine said if there was an A it was all in her mind. Yup -yeah ok - I told mine "thousands won't believe you but -I do????" She is lying and trying to cover this up. Just stay firm plan A -no LB's. Have you exposed this A to others?

Believer please post that list for me or direct me to the site. I am interested to know common signs once an affair is exposed.

Only to my family and friends. Her mom justified her affair by saying I don't provide enough material things for her. No Joke.

OZZ, they almost always say: "now you ruined it, I was going to work on the marriage, but now I'm not!"

As if they were "working on the marriage" by having an affair.

OZZ, did you not expect that she would be angry at this exposure? I am not understanding your surprise here. Did you expect her to give you roses or something?