OZZ, Across the state line <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> some states would consider that kidnapping. I would call the police.

Lady

Your ww has clearly shown her thinking and choices are inappropriate, Ozz.

Why would you intrust your ww to care for your dd, especially out of state, where other laws might apply.

One friend of mine escaped from a horrible physically abusive relationship with her children, and returned back to her home state.

She was seeking full custody of her children. She believed her soon to be ex and allowed her children to go for a visit, and somehow he managed to get the court on his side while the children were visiting, and she no longer can legally get custody now. Custody was granted to the abusive ex.

All because there were different laws in different states. Check out your legal rights ASAP.

I will check the laws in the state. Thanks for everyone's advice and support. Should I file for divorce immediately or wait. I guess there's always a part of us in denial about things working out.

OZZ, I wouldn't be thinking so much about divorce right now. I would be thinking about the child, and the safety of the child. Call the police tell them your wife left, and took your child without your consent across the state line. Now what do you do?

If it's okay with you for her to just take off with your child. Then do nothing. However, I would be in a state of panic if my S was taking off with my child into another state.

I do know you want paternity test anyway, but for now you know that child to be yours, until proven different.

Your wife is not stable either OZZ.

Lady

Thanks. I originally agreed to let her take my daughter. Now I am seeing this was a mistake.

Go get your daughter, OZZ, she should not be snatched away from her home and her daddy so your W can have an affair. She should be with her dad.

OZZ,

I am in the legal field. Get a lawyer ASAP, like today or tomorrow, and have him file an emergency motion for you to keep custody of your DD. You need to do this ASAP. The first in court is often in a better position legally the rest of the way than the other party. I am sure, if your WW is smart, she will file against you in the other state in the very near future.

Your first task then is to file for temporary custody of your DD ASAP, so your WW is not able to keep her away from her home, where she belongs.

You do not have any time to waste here, so I would get moving on this ASAP.

P.s. You are filing for custody, not divorce.

The hardest part is over with. She left to go move in with her mother this past Saturday. I believe her doing it on New Year's Eve was supposed to be a kind of payback. It was a little hard but I made it through the weekend. She called my mom's house on Sunday to ask if I found money she lost at the house. Maybe some lame excuse to see what I was up to. I have not called her since she left and will only call when I need to go and pick up my daughter on our weekends together. My brother advised me not to date or have females over before the divorce. He said he made this mistake during his divorce and wife hired a PI and used this against him in court. She may do this even though she has been the one having the affair.

My wife called me at 1:30 this morning sounding very sad. I could tell she was regretting her decision. It was pleasant and she spoke about how my daughter has been calling for me. I could tell she wanted to come home by her tone of voice. But I do have a feeling this is over with as I don't think I can take her back. She said she was calling because I had not called to check up on them.

Did you give up your DD without a fight? It's a shame if you did this.

It's one thing not to have a BACKBONE for yourself; it's another not to have it for your child.

You guys on this post were right, especially you UVA. I called to ask about visiting my daughter last night. MIL got on phone very nasty and said dd is not leaving with me under any circumstances for visitation. She said I could only have supervised visits with my daughter!! She said she is getting her daughter a divorce and legal custody told me to kiss her *** before hanging up in my face. I am afraid I will not see my daughter for a very long time!!

Bullcrap! You will get to see your DD if and when you decide to fight for her. If you are ready to fight for her and not just give up, let us know, otherwise I don't want to waste my time...or yours.

Since I think time is of the essence in your case, I will make a suggestion even before you answer my question above. You need to get a lawyer today or tomorrow at the latest and have him file for full custody on your behalf first thing on Monday morning. You may not get custody given how you needlessly gave your DD away, but it will give you a chance to get more than your WW and MIL are willing to give to you with respect to your DD at this point.

The time for negotiating with your WW like she is a reasonable person is over. It is time to play for keeps. Get a bulldog lawyer and see how he can help. If nothing else he can help you get some unsupervised visitation rights with your DD.

Lastly, see if you can get your wife to play hardball with respect to visitation in writing, i.e., by e-mail. If you can get her on record—that can be proven in court—that she is unwilling to let you spend time with DD, that would greatly help your case with custody.

As I said earlier, it is time to MAN and do the right thing. If you care about your DD and not just you, you’d want her to be with you. A WS is usually not in the best frame of mind to act in the best interest of their children. It is up to you to do the right thing.

Best

OZZ, if you would like to see your daughter, get over to Family Court today. File for paternity test, and visitation. If you cannot afford an attorney, you can get a court appointed attorney, by filling out an application for one there.

Lady

UVA, tell me what to do!! I realize now I was suckered by them. I do not have money to pay the retainer that DA's charge!! What else can I do to see my daughter?

Hi Ozz,

I am glad to see that you are willing to fight for your DD. You are doing the right thing by this move and I am very proud of you.

You need a divorce lawyer, not a DA. Call your family and friends and see if they'd be willing to help you. You need to acquire some funds any way you can, short of being illegal, to fight for your DD. I know it's hard, but you may have to do some begging with this. Extraordinary circumstances sometimes require extraordinary actions.

I would also check with your local legal aid services to see if they can help you. You may also want to try Ladysheep's advice and see what happens. I will call out on some vets to get some other ideas on how you can get legal representation at a reasonable price.

The first thing though is to get you some legal help. We have to figure this out.

I'm a tax attorney but know some. What state are we talking about here.

UVA ... calling legal aid is a good idea...what about the county bar association.

OZZ - what do you make a year there may be assistance programs for low income

UVA's advice about taping phone calls or discussions with wife and MIL is a good one. Check the laws for you state but in most you can tape your own phone calls without telling the other person. You need to journal and document all that is going on right now. Go to Radio Shack for the proper equipment, probably a Voice Activated Digital voice recorder and a phone cord adapter. Might be $50-$75 but returnable for a full refund usually for 30 days. Do that immediately.

Your journal should initially go back as far as possible to summarize up to today and then have daily or ever other days entries consistently for the next whatever.

I'll be tracking your thread. Gotta go.

Mr. Wondering

Just looked over a couple things in your thread.

She has taken the baby out of state. She will have to wait to file divorce in that state until she meets the residency requirements. If she files in your state she may be required to remain in your state within so many miles of you. I am so surprised they didn't play nice with you while she established residency and then Whamo...serve you in their state.

You need to know the residency requirement in her Mom's state and realize you can not just presume that her residency started Dec 30 when she moved out. She may have applied for a driver's license there over Thanksgiving.

You MUST get an attorney. I'll do what I can from here in Detroit but you need local and immediate help. Cause you need to file, probably very soon for at least a temp custody order. If your local probate court is nearby you could even go there and ask for a referral from the ladies behind the counter. Inform them of your situation and appease them that you know they can not offer legal advice but ask them what attorney they think you should call. They may really put you in touch with a caring, compassionate and affordable attorney willing to work out a payment plan with you. The ladies at probate counter know the difference btwn a-hole lawyers and good/kind lawyers and believe me there is a canynon between them. In the alternative, the lady may direct you how to do it yourself, in which case once you file the court will appoint a Guardiam Ad Litem for the baby OR the lady may show you how to get FREE legal services or just assisted legal services.

This is your life. We can give you advice but I don't want to waste my time if you are not prepared to fight.

Mr. Wondering

Could you tell us what state you are from, if not the city? Mr. Wondering and I can then search for legal help for you in your area and see what we can come up with.

Given that your WW is out of state, it is imperative that you file ASAP before she can establish residency, as Mr. Wondering suggests. A lot of your case, if not most, will depend on who files first.

Don't forget to follow up on the suggestions made to you above.