That sounds like a great day hurting!!! Nothing like a new hairdo to make you feel like a new woman!!!

Enjoy your day with your son!!!

Thanks Lost. I am sure DS and I will enjoy our afternoon...

I can't wait to get my hair done, its gonna be different for sure....

I am ready for a change.... All the way around ....

Well now things are getting kinda funny.

ODS called today and was talking to DD. Seems WH called her cell phone and she didn't answer because she was asleep. He left her a nasty voice mail because she didn't answer. This of course made her mad. So he calls ODS and complains that no one wants to talk to him. So ODS tells DD I wouldn't call dad he is really mad.

DD then says you know mom dad and OW didn't break up he lied to us. I said I know that , I knew when he told it last week it was a lie. She said while she was in jail she called out to OW'S just to see if she had heard from him and of course he was there. So now DD knows he lied and is upset about that.

I told her don't let it bother you. She said why did he lie? I said I really don't know but its par for the course right now.

She said well he is so angry at everyone, I told her I know but in reality he is angry at himself for this mess he is in and has to blame everyone but the right person himself. Just let it roll off your back. He is not ready to admit any wrong doing. Like I told her one day it will all hit him when he least expects it. He will finally figure out OW is not all that and all she cares about is what she can get out of him.... DD said I hope so mom..... Yeah me to....

HI Hurting -

How did your day go - let us know how your new "do" is!!

I hope that your daughter can realize(like you do) that this man that is her Dad is not her real Dad.

Hugs to you & your family -

Kim

oklahoma

and he thought that you wouldn't figure it out???

why is it that they think just because they have gone crazy, we've gone stupid???

Kim,

The new do looks great..... I got about 4 inches cut off and got my bangs back and now my natural curls really show up.... It makes me look younger and feel good..... DS got his cut as well and his natural curls give him a nice wave in it. Such a handsome boy if I must say so myself....

Eav,

I wish I knew the answer to that but hey I gues sthe fogged brain thinks everyone is fogged....

After we got ou haircuts I went and got Chinese food ...yummy anyway while I was waiting fr it ODS called and wanted to talk to YS. I asked him why, he said he has a message from WH for him. I said I d on't like your dad putting you in the middle of this what does he want? He said he wanted DS to call him so YS could tell him when would be a good time this weekend to see each other.

I let YS talk to ODS and YS told him he was not going to call his dad. He asked him why, he said because dad should be the one calling me and making the plans not me calling him. And anyway dad has not tried to see me in weeks why should I call him. So I really don't know what Ds will do now, I told him I want him to spend time with his dad but only if he wants to I won't force it.

WH was told off by his sister the one whom he talks to. She told him to start acting like and adult. So he told her well after the bowling tournment in Feb. I won't bother any of you anymore... Then he starts in about how no one will talk to him everyone ignores him.. blah blah ..... Hmmmm wonder if the consequences of his actions are catching up to him? Let him stew in his mess, he did this all by himself and he is going to have to figure out how to fix it by himself....

He is spinning no doubt about it.... Life is getting rough for him and he don't know what to do ......

Bu hey we all are doing great.... DS in school, DD home and out of the slammer and me going to days at work more money.... Things are looking up for us.....

Hurting -

Your haircut sounds great! Glad you are feeling good too!! We should enjoy it, huh?

YOU DESERVE IT. So, so much.

Things are looking up & your WH is in quite a mess. WHAAAA!

I sense that my WH is not so happy either......

Kim

Kim,

Your right I find it funny how for so long it was all of us spinning out of control and life sucked.

Now things are going pretty good for us and we are calming down and life is getting easier and WH is now spinning out of control.

My MIL says she really feels he is starting to miss the family now and fantasy land isn't looking to good. She told me she just has this gut feeling something isn't right with him and OW. She is worried about him. She is one who follows her gut instinct and she just has the feeling something is happening... Like I told her its all his own doing and we just have to sit back and watch it play out as hard as is it....

Yeah I love the new haircut, it looks sassy and carefree..... My MIL told me it made me look years younger and sexy.... She was like to bad WH can't see ya know he would freak out and wonder what you are up to ...lol

This weekend I am going to color it again.... Being a firey redhead makes me feel so in control.... LOL I love it .....

Take Care Kim onward and upward we go ......


Hurting

Hi Hurting,

Your "do" sounds cute. I'm thinking of the same thing. I have been wearing my hair the same way much too long.

You know to me it sounds like some fog is lifting off your WH. Usually when the anger stage kicks in, it's reality time. He knows it and is scared. He is now beginning to see how all of what he has done is going to effect him and his future. Loss of family, loss of finances, loss of his integrity, loss of his manlyhood.

He is complaining that no one wants to talk to him, he's talking the pity party. He has chosen not to spend time with DS since Christmas. Pretty soon his children will lose respect for him due to his abandonment, and choosing OW to spend time with over them. It's sad but it's happening. The children will always be told to respect thier father, but they will never feel the same with what he has done and thats a reality. The children and you should never have been left the way you were. And now he wants some mercy?? Only when he comes home to God and his family will he find mercy. As the prodigal, his family didn't go out to spend time in his pig sty with him. So it's good you are doing a good Plan B. You don't need his messiness.

You see he has been treated pretty good all the years of your marriage. Yes I'm sure there were problems as in all families, but how we handle those trials is key to how our family grows. Walking out on the family is the worst thing he could have done. He was able to feel loved and content with his family, but now he doesn't have that and he is going to feel the loss bigtime. And no OW will be able to fill the void he's going to feel. If the divorce goes through, he might as well chalk up the rest of his life as lonely, because in God's eyes as an adulterer he isn't to remarry, so if he does, he will feel miserable in it anyway. He will always have regrets. He won't be able to enjoy his children and grandchildren in the same way without you. He will always feel that loss Hurting. You will be able to go on, and if you choose you will be able to date and remarry (because you weren't the adultress)and you will be able to be fulfilled in life. He never will if he chooses to go through with the divorce.

So now he's feeling the loss somewhat and wants that love bank filled and can't get it. OW can't even fill it, because that isn't real love that she gives him, it's only lust....adulterous lust.

Blessings to you,
Lady

wow.....i never thought of it this way before

Lady,

Thank you for your wonderful post. I believe your right in all of it. He may be feeling some reality but not enough or else he does not have the courage to admit his wrong doings.

Seems to me he is going to follow through with all of this. Just to prove his point. Then so be it. Nothing I can do about it. Like you said his life will not be a happy one no matter how hard he tries. It will never be real happiness because of the regrets and anger he feels.

I tried calling the mediation people a few days ago and never got an answer, so they called over to MIL'S today. I tried calling again but still no answer. I dread this mediation thing because I know nothing will be solved, I don't see us agreeing on anything. I will have to sit in a room with him for hours and nothing good will come of it. I just don't want to do it and have to listen to his venom for hours. Guess I have no choice though seeing how the judge says we have to do it. This whole thing just sucks.


Again thanks for your words of wisdom....


Hurting

You don't always have to sit in the same room...

The one and only time I was in mediation, the mediator moved all parties to separate rooms...

Still,

that may be something I will request then. I just don't think I can sit there and listen to him. All the lies and anger are something I just don't want to deal with.

Oh the move to San Antonio that was going to happen has now been changed to Denver..... Or at least thats the newest place he has decided on. When is he going to realize running is not going to solve nothing?


Hurting

Hey Oklahoma-
I'm catching up again. Your new hairdo sounds great- !
Glad your week has been good. Seems like you are in a
very strong place and doing good.

Sure sounds like something must be going on with WH and
OW lately, for your WH to be acting like he is. He seems
to be spinning out of control, kind of like being in his
own tornado, and you are out of the storm !

Hey, if your WH ends up coming my way (Colorado), I'll be
glad to track him down and knock him upside the head for ya!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

As for me, WH and I continue to talk often and have spent
some time together each night this past week. He seems to be
adjusting pretty well to the new medication and had appts.
with both his counselor and Dr this week too.
He does seem to be coming out of the "fog" to some degree,
but he does still talk to OW, so he is not really clear
thinking yet.
I think he thought that trying to break it off with her
gradually would be easier and less painful than a clean
break but may have realized that it just prolongs things and
prevents he and I from being able to make any progress or
work on our M. Supposedly, WH is going to make a clean
break with her this weekend, but we'll see....

Hope your weekend is good -
Slammed

During mediation, each party and their respective lawyers go into different rooms. The mediator speaks to each party and offers suggestions.

It's very expensive (mine was $350.00 per hour) so the rambling on with the venom will not happen (plus your attorney gets paid for that time as well.)

If no settlement can be arranged, the judge will arbitrarily make a settlement he thinks is fair. The judge in my case won't hear any case that hasn't been mediated.

The mediator in my case and I think is generally how it works, will tell each party what the judge will most likely do. It makes reaching an agreement easier and takes up less court time.

I dreaded mediation because I thought it was going to be arguing back and forth but it was very civilized and fair.
I wonder if these WS think the BS will just magically disappear or doesn't deserve their share of the assets. My stbx was shocked to learn how much he had to give up and at 55, it's mighty hard to rebuild from half.

Hurting, seeing how your 401k is your major asset and child support is a percentage of his income, mediation should not take long at all. There are ways of getting around paying income taxes for spousal support. Your attorney will be able to manage these things for you.

If I'm not mistaken, mediation is scheduled by the attorney. You may want to give him a call instead of the mediator.

Hiya Slammed,

Thanks for checking in. I don't know whats going on with WH but he is still determined to get this divorce. At least thats what he tells his sister. Thats all he wants is the divorce and me out of his life. It hurts but I will just have to learn to live with it. Its like our lives never meant anything at all. As he says 24 yrs of a bad business deal.... that really hurts....

I hope your WH does break off things so you both can start rebuilding your lives. I wish you the best and hope all goes well.... Take Care


Hurting

JPH,

Our attorneys will not be at the mediation. It is only us and the mediator. Thats how it is set up here.

We both recieved the papers in the mail and we both had to call for interview thing and then they scheduale the mediation. I thought as well our attorneys were involved but they are not. Now if we don't come to an agreement then we will have a hearing in front of the judge.

I was shocked how all of it is done. So I am not sure how this will go. I just want it to be done. I wish I didn't have to go but I guess since its ordered by the judge I have no choice. I assume if I don't cooperate I could be in trouble I'm not willing ot risk that... WH is going to do this no matter what, I can't stop it... He wants me gone from his life ,like I never exsisted..... I am just working hard to get to the acceptance part of all of this.... I don't want to be where I was months ago whne this is all said and done... I wish I could give up hope sometimes but something won't let me.

Oh Hurting, please don't feel that your WH thinks like you "never existed". He may want to think this, but believe me, he thinks of you all the time !! It is the fog, hon. Please try to not take it too personal. In fact, I believe he thinks more of YOU than he does the OW. He will be done with her, we just aren't sure when he will be man enough to admit it. I am sure it is hard for him to admit making such a big mistake. But, as the pain of his actions creep up on him, he will have no choice.

So glad to hear about your new hair do. They are fun, huh ? (only speculating here, do not have the courage to cut my hair)

Best regards - carnation

Carnation,

Thanks for your kind words. I wish I could believe it though. I know in time he will be done with her. As far as him ever admitting anything I don't see it happening. I think he would rather live in misery than be honest with himself and everyone else.

As far as the haircut goes I was a little anxious about it myself but it turned out well. Wh always liked my hair long and never wanted me to cut it but I finally did it...

Everyone says how much younger looking it makes me... That made me feel good.... I am just ready to be a different me, someone I like and I am getting there more and more everyday. I am worthy of respect and of having someone love me for who I am. I am a good person an deserve much more than I am getting right now.. One day WH will realize what he has thrown away......


Hurting

Hurting....you are "getting it", and slowly but surely starting to learn to love yourself.

I loved the way you said "I am worthy of respect and of having someone love me for who I am. I am a good person an deserve much more than I am getting right now.. ".. ...GREAT !!!!...But why oh why do you have to qualify those statements with how your WH will think of you someday. The day you stop qualifying the statements of your change and acceptance of yourself with what your WH may think or do, is the day you REALLY step forward.

Lem