Hi Everyone!

I am brand new here and have dicovered the marriage builders website today, which I have read through today for the first time. A lot of really great advice!!

I have been married for 4 years and we have one child (almost 3)...my husband and I get along great, are financially secure, great friends, have good communication, but I am just not sexually attracted to my husband any more?

I am almost 30 and find myself very sexually charged lately. Our sex life has been pretty lame for the past few years (which I pretty much expected with the birth of our child) and we have both pretty much ignored it and when he used to bring it up I would just say the normal wife excuses like I was tired and stress, etc. I don't want to hurt his feelings and tell him that it just gives me the willies to be close to him most of the time (sexually). (We only have sex like 1x a month if that, and sometimes I will just pleasure him orally to get the deed over with since I find it hard to be close to someone if the feelings just aren't there.) When we do have sex I find myself crying afterwards b/c I know what it is like to have good sex and fell intimate with someone and I so miss that. It kind of grosses me out if he says something sexual or touches me in a certain way b/c it feels like we are just really good friends.

I don't know if it could stem from the beggining of our relationship when we first met I was not all that attracted to him for his looks (not that he isn't good looking, but wasn't my type) but feel in love with him and then of course the person becomes attractive to you...but then when you fall out of the initial "love" stage...the unattractiveness comes back? help? He is a smart, caring, great man and awesome father and I want to spend the rest of my life with him...but I am so sexually frustrated and find myself being tempted to stray...which I don't want to do...the guilt will kill me.

It is like we have the perfect marriage, but there is NO chemistry in the bedroom...what do I do? I would appreciate any advice?! Thanks for listening!

There is not a lot of action on this portion of the Marriage Builders bulletin board. I suggest you post again on Emotional Needs. There are many more people there who can give you some input.