WH filed for divorce on Dec. 22...... I just found out today ... My story is in Gen Ques.II

He never even tried to work on our marriage. He has been living with OW since July.

We had court on Dec. 9 for the LS I filed against him. Even on that day we spent the day together and he still said he wanted a relationship with me... He told me so many things that sounded positive now he has taken them all back...

He had the d papers then but decided against filing them but he didn't want OW to know about it... Now I am not sure but I believe she found out he didn't file them and has now pushed him into it....

I don't want a divorce and we are to have a mediation hearing on Jan. 11 .... What can I do??? I don't want to agree to a divorce.... Is there anything I can do ???

Do you have an attorney? There are plenty of ways of stalling it.

Take care, you are in my prayers.

(((Hurting)))

Talk to your lawyer about legal ways to stall it. I know some people that spend months if not years for the divorce to be final, figure out how to buy some time.

But, if you stall, he may think you are just being difficult. I know you want your H. Maybe just give him a quick and very painful divorce. Then let him and OW have their thing and everyone knows that won't last.

I know a few couples, older couples that have been married forever. But there is actually a year or two that they were divorced, then remarried. No one even mentions the divorced period.

I don't really want my D either. I don't know if I am going to try to stall it or not. But, in TN, I can sit on it for a year.

But you have at least three months in OK right? Things change so fast. Keep the faith, but cover your butt.

((Hurting))

{{{hurtinginokla}}} ... sorry to hear it. Is there any reason for you wanting to stall it ?. Would time give your M a shot ?.

-rh-

RH,

I believe time may give it a shot.... I believe right now the A is not going well for him just by things he said to me at our court hearing on Dec. 9

He is still so very confused and wishy washy.... He still tells the kids he loves me and he moving from OW'S... Now whether that happens or not we will see.

Everyone I mean everyone that knows him says the same things he is not the same person and he does not seem happy. But I feel like is is so damned determined to prove everyone wrong he will go through the misery of this just to prove a point...

I have a meeting with my attorney on the 4 fo our mediation on the 11... I will see what he says about stalling....

I just feel this is moving way to fast .... I really believe he will regret this one day and it will then be to late for me....

See he had the papers drawn up in the beginnign of Dec. and during our court he decided not to file them because he was not sure.... But he didn't want OW to know it. Well then a few days before christmas , she calls him on his cell and says someone called her job and called her names, husband stealer etc etc .... Well he got mad and blamed me... I had no idea anything about it.... Then come to find out someone hinted to me this may be made up by her because she f eels him waffleing and not sure.... So of course he came to her rescue and within a day or so the papers were filed....

So see I think its all pressure from her as to why he did this ..... I just need time for them to LB and her demand more.....

If you have any other good advice I am willing to listen ....

ok, a few days before mediation ... get your doctor to give you a note to say you are too depress to deal with it right now. Ask your lawyer to reschedule and don't tell him about stalling. It would at least give you time for a few weeks.

Where are you at right now ? ... plan A or plan B ?.

Yes, my exW is a livin prove.

-rh-

Rh,

I am in planb everything I know is through the kids and his family.. He called my MIL and SIL ranting and raving saying I had someone make the call to her. Well I didn't why would I after all this time.... If i wanted to call her those names I would do it face to face and sure wouldn't have waited 7 months.
I know being in planb I am suppose to know nothing but sometimes it happens and thats how I find out good info about him.. Just in the last few weeks he has started to blame for for such stupid stuff... Things about the kids like how I didn't get make them be ready for his pick up he wanted on Monday. I didn't know anything about it, the kids blew him off... So of course its my fault... Now my MIL and SIL'S defended me to him saying I had no idea ... Anyhow i have asked them to stop defending me let him think what he wants... Just let him and rant and rave and not repsond...

OK can my IC counselor give the note? I see her once a week .....

I have no reponded to him or the kids in anyway about him filing the papers.... He has not mentioned it to anyone in the family either.... Don't know if he wanting a response and it just waiting to see what I will do or what ..... Nothing gonna happen here though....

Unless your IC is psychiatric. Unfortunately, court are bias toward medical profession, so see your PCP get him prescribe AD and most of us qualified as severely depressed.

You need to let your kid know so that they feel sense of control and informed.

Did you write him plan B letter ?

-rh-

RH,

The kids know he filed the papers. My DD just said sorry mom... DS 15 really has had no response at allthe look on his face was enough... DS 21 living in Indiana was told last night. I couldn't tell him so my DIL did now I have no clue as to his reaction yet.

Oh yeah he got a plan b letter severals times .... He kept breaking it for the first month or so , so I gave it to him a few times....

Now Dec. 9 was the first contact I has with him in over 2 months. Verbal or seeing and this is when I got the I am not signing the papers for d, I want a relationship with you , I miss you , OW is pushing me away, I am moving out of her place after the first of the year etc etc....

Ok I wanted to believe it all but not even a week later his tune changed. He does not rmemeber saying certain things plus the famous ILYBNILU speech again ... So since then no contact has happened...

Not sure if I can go to my dr. seeing how I have no insurance and definatley don't have the money to pay for it.... So I may have ot do the mediation thing..... Just hope I can keep it together through it....

Sometimes I wonder if I should just the Dobson approach and give him the tough love letter and just let things happen... I don't know anymore

Plan B & tough love is very close. Similiarity, "I will take you back if you want to change". Difference, NC.

Hang in there.

Just curious, could you recap on your situation or point me to your thread. I am curious to if there is alcohol involve here plus age diff between WH-OW.

-rh-

RH,

My story is very long and has 3 different threads , I will post them here if you chose to read it but its pages and pages since July....

But I can tell you no alcohol is involved my H does not drink much at all.

OW is 5 yrs younger than me which makes her 6 yrs younger than WH.... I know her as a casual friend for about 4 yrs. She is not attractive and is very loud and obnoixous ....

but here are the links if you want to read any of it ...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...=49&fpart=1

This link is from the beginning

Second part :
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=2&fpart=1

latest part:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=1&fpart=1


I appreciate you jumping in and trying to help me... i have read a lot of your old post and I see you have a lot of knowledge to help people with ....

Again Thank you

Hurting,

I jumped on quick tonight to see how you are doing. I have been there (and still am actually to some point). We all understand your pain, the emotions, all of it. You are in my thoughts and prayers this evening.

Keith

Thank you Keith....

Yes the emotions are bouncing all over the place....

It helps to know that I am not alone in this and other people have made it through this .....

I still have hope but its dwindling each day....

Prayers go out to all of us here, to help us ease the pain we feel......

Hurting

Thanks for the link. You are a strong woman and you could do it w/ or w/o him. You could drag the court by not agreeing to the term but you have to have strong reasons otherwise judge will decide for you. Since it is a long term M, he might have to pay you SS for a long time if not for life. Put education for you on the table also. If he living with OW ... ask your lawyer to get her income to be included in the calculation. Subpena her financial record, if there is a prove that they support each other, in CA, you could get it based on co-habitat. Bottom line, it is a legal issue don't bring your emotion into this. If he gives you more than what the court would give you ... take and run with it.

I know you feel down but you can't show it to WH or anyone who has contact w/ him. Work on plan w/o WH and be excited about it. Let people know you are not sitting and waiting for WH. I wouldn't be to open about your feeling on "maybe" taking WH back to MIL. As matter of fact, you should tell her your future plan w/o WH. Show to the world that you are moving on w/ or w/o WH.

This way he could compare what he got and you.

-rh-

RH,

Thanks for reading my story. I know your right I can do it with or without him, but for some reason I still want to be with him.

I know he is not going to offer much to me he already tried to get out of paying some things.

In his divorce papers he is claiming rent and utlities for her apartment. Now she has been living in this low income apt. for about 6 yrs. All of the utlities are still in her husbands name but yet my WH is claiming these expenses in his divorce petition. Plus he claims 400.00 a month for food, I don't even claim that much for myself and 2 kids. He is only there on the weekends. Now I know him being on the road is costly food wise been with and know that. He is also c;laiming two phones bills...
One is his cell bill , ok I give him that but if the other is her cell bill or her house phone (in her husbands name) I don't think that should be included in his living expenses.

Seeing how he is in her apt. she has been paying for all by herself for yrs. and its all in her and her husbands name can WH claim these things?

As far as MIL goes she is a gem , we have talked about me going to school and she keeps saying I need to forget him and find someone who will treat me right..... She has even offered for DS and I to move in with her so I can save money and go to school.... Not sure I would do that but nice to know the offer is there.....

I guess when I have my meeting with the attorney on the 4th I will ask him some of these questions and see what he says...


Again ty RH for your help.....

Hurting

Yes, it is normal to want WH back. It is part of stages of greif. Focus on your self, plan to look for school to up grade your skill. It pays in the long run.

Also what's plan for NYE ?. Look your best and party out for a night. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Happy NYE -rh-

Hurting,

I am at work and wanted to check in on you. You need to remember, he is the fog. He has become a different person, an alien. He is displaying the worst kind of selfishness. At this point, he is only concerned about himself.

24 years of marraige mean nothing to someone in the fog... After all, he has re-written the marraige so he can justify leaving it. It doesn't matter how many great times you had together, how many times you said I love you, or spent quiet moments together.

Of course he didn't want to work on the marraige. He has found his "soulmate"! (Or so he thinks). Reality will bite him eventually - and he will regret his choices.

A person I work with told me once she was attracted to another man. She really liked this other man. So much so, she went home and told her husband, and asked him to go to counseling so they could figure out why she was attracted to this other man. She was honest and upfront with her husband and they are still together because of it. Most WS's want nothing to do with counseling.

Hurting - I have seen so many people do this that it just makes me sick to my stomach. I have experienced it 4 times and it still hurts.

We are all here for you....

Thanks RH and BHINWI

I appreciate your concern and help...

As f ar as NYE goes I have to work from 10 pm until 5 am so no party for me ....

In a way I am glad I am working then I don't have to think about this or be home alone.....

I hope 2006 is a much better year than 2005....

Happy New Year to you both ......

Hurting,

I know how hard this... You do not deserve any of this, not one bit of it. Plan B is best - it just gets the WS out of your life.

I wish I had the right words for you... but I do know what you are feeling.

Believe it or not, there are many men in this world that don't do this to their wives. They take wedding vows and they mean it.

Keith

BHINWI,

Thanks for checking in on me. I am doing ok, just a little sad today. The start of a new year coming and hopefully new things in life for me.

My biggest wish for this new year is a chance to have a better marriage, but it does not look like that will happen. Miracles do happen but this one seems like it may impossible....

I know there are many good men out there, my H used to be one. The though of another man in my life is something I can't even imagine right now. I can't see anytime in the future being with someone else. I have a long ways to go before that could ever happen.

Hope you have a Happy New Year......


Hurting